Wednesday, November 12, 2003
I have decided to alter my original strategy from a hunger strike to a light snacking strike. Right now I am starting with Giblets's potato chips. "Hey those are my chips" says Giblets. Well too bad. I must snack for peace. Lightly.
Next I will snack lightly upon popcorn, mac-n-cheese, and a whole buffalo. Rest easy, troubled homeland. Fafnir is with you.
posted by fafnir at 7:36 PM
Well Fafblog readers will be relieved to hear that Australia easily beat India in a 61-run victory in today's match in the TVS Cup triangular.
India will go on to face New Zealand on Saturday, but with Kiwi wunderkind Ruthegard Horowitz on the pitch, is there any chance that the belaguered Virender Sehwag can lead his team to victory?
...I am still on my hunger strike. And Giblets is now eating a pie. "Not my fault I have a pie," says Giblets. Giblets is not a hunger striker. Giblets is a hunger scab.
The phone has rung several times but I am too weak with lack of ho-hos to answer it, and I am just sure that it is the President on the line, saying "Eat, Fafnir! America wants you alive, well, and fat!" And to him I would say, no, Mr. President, I Must Go On!
Santa wants me fat too. Fat and juicy, so he can eat me. And my brains.
Stupid Giblets with his pie.
posted by fafnir at 7:22 PM
Still on the hunger strike. Thank you internet for all of your supportive emails. Also thank you, Sri Lanka - for nothing! Here I am hunger striking for your peace and you're still all messed up with the rebels and the martial law? I shoulda hunger struck for Georgia.
Giblets has joined me to contribute moral support in my hour of hunger striking. Giblets is also a Sri Lankan, but he is not engaging in the hunger strike because he considers it "gay and stupid." Well Giblets maybe that's what they said about Gandhi. In fact I think that's exactly what they said aout him. Before he won the Nobel Prize for Peace, he won the Nobel Prize for Gay and Stupid. So very sad.
The Nobel Prize for Gay and Stupid was last awarded to Senator Jesse Helms in 1998. You do America proud Sen. Helms.
Giblets is now eating a big bag of potato chips. "What?" he says. "I'm hungry."
posted by fafnir at 6:19 PM
It was every bit as creamy and delicious as I had imagined. And now, hunger strike.
No food. Or snacks. Or nothin'.
Hmmm... maybe I should have another ho ho on the way...
NO! Bad Fafnir! Bein tempted off the hunger strike! I must Stay The Course, for Peace.
Ariel Sharon is very very fat. I bet he'd do great on a hunger strike.
posted by fafnir at 1:12 PM
In protest of The Pain And Sadness what is occurring in my homeland, I, Fafnir, am going on a Hunger Strike to show the world.
"Oh no Fafnir but what will you do?" you say because you're the world. "Will you starve on your hunger strike?"
Yes Fafnir will eat nothing on his (my - why are you confusing me, world!) hunger strike until the Good Times And Peace have returned to my homeland.
"But won't you have a little something to eat Fafnir? Maybe some Triscuits or a light pizza."
Do not tempt me with your non-striking hunger! I will hunger strike until the fighting stops, world, you cannot stop me. My will is resolute.
For my last meal before my strike begins, I am having a ho-ho. It looks creamy and delicious and should last for some time.
And then, the hunger.
posted by fafnir at 1:05 PM
Wednesday, November 5, 2003
It is bad times for my homeland of Sri Lanka. The president Chandrika Kumaratunga has gone crazy and fired a bunch of people and told parliament to go away. Why are you being crazy, Chandrika Kumaratunga? Did not the Sri Lankanian people love you enough in your non-crazy, martial law-imposing days? Was there not happiness? Were there not marshmallows?
We Sri Lankanans are a peaceful people. A happy people. A marshmallow-loving people. A rabbit-loving people. We have cultivated an alarmingly large rabbit population. Because we can and because we love rabbits and religious imagery involving rabbits. And marshmallows. We did not ask for the crazy, or the chaos, or the continuation of the civil war. If we did, we'd have done so politely, like "Excuse me madam president, may we have some crazy, with some chaos, and perhaps a side of the continuation of the civil war?"
But we did not do that, Chandrika Kumaratunga. All we asked for was more time to farm our marshmallows and worship our rabbits.
This is all Santa Claus's fault. This is why we need to kill him and his elves as soon as possible.
posted by fafnir at 11:03 AM
Saturday, November 1, 2003
So now Halloween is over. That means it's Christmas season. That means that Santa Claus is coming. Coming to EAT FAFNIR.
You are saying "ho ho Fafnir of course he's not, Santa Claus is fat and jolly!" Well ho ho ho YOU'RE STUPID YOU HORRIBLE STUPID PERSON! Santa Claus is evil and nasty and evil and bad! Sure he's fat - fat from eating Fafnir! -like things! Sure he's jolly - with Evil!
Every year I have to spend Christmas Eve sittin in front of the fireplace with a pitchfork and a Santa Shield to protect me in case he shows up. Chris thinks I'm overreacting but let's see how much you overreact Chris when Santa comes on Christmas to eat your squishy guts!
Stupid evil Santa! Why won't he go away and leave me alone!
posted by fafnir at 10:28 AM