Wednesday, December 21, 2005
"I hear they got Rudolph today," says me.
"No!" says Giblets. "Not Rudolph! With his unmatched dogfighting skills and his nose so bright he was invincible!"
"It's true," says me. "Zombie Judah Maccabee shot im down over the Island of Misfit Toys with his dreidel of doom."
"Damn you Hannukah!" says Giblets. "Will your eight days of madness never end!"
"Do you think Santa really has a secret plan to take the Kwanzaan capital an win the war?" says me.
"Of course he does!" says Giblets. "And once Christmas spreads to Kwanzaa it will inspire Hannukhan dissidents to rise up and overthrow their oppressive anti-Christmanian leadership, and from there Christmas will spread to Eid and New Years and Halloween and Arbor Day until every day is Christmas!"
"Work will become obsolete in the new Christmas-based economy," says me. "All resources will be directly mined from wells of infinite jollity."
"Secularists do not believe in jollity," says Giblets. "They believe in a series of random chemical processes which over millions of years have created the appearance of jollity."
"Secularists don't decorate Christmas trees," says me. "They decorate Secularmas trees, which are big holes dug in the ground to demonstrate the absence of trees."
"On Secularmas, they do not exchange presents," says Giblets. "They exchange identical cardboard boxes filled with rocks and mold and broken childhood dreams and nothing!"
"But even so," says me, "maybe we can make peace with the secularists by comin to understand their strange but unique culture."
"Never!" says Giblets. "That would only embolden them to steal Christmas again! Whoville changed everything!"
"There was never a convincing link between Hannukah and the Grinch, Giblets," says me.
"Well Giblets can't let them win now!" says Giblets. "Not after what they did to Frosty!"
"Giblets, you can't keep blamin yourself for Frosty," says me. "There were menorahs fallin everywhere. You hadda save yourself."
"Giblets should have gone back for him!" says Giblets. "And by the time we did all that was left was an old top hat and a button nose!"
"Giblets, you gotta let Frosty go," says me.
"Tell that to the eyes of coal that haunt Giblets every night!" says Giblets. It's quiet in the trenches tonight. We can hear Suzy Snowflake playin a harmonica down along the wire.
"Some day this war's gonna end," says Giblets.
"Maybe on Boxing Day," says me.
posted by fafnir at 4:06 PM
All right. Maybe Fafnir inspires some belated Asian tributes, but the fact of the matter is, if you can't interpret it, it doesn't count.
Nonesensical drivel? Who knows, because this blog is mostly derived in a language which currently isn't being reciprocated.
Not that Frosty isn't just down at the local DQ either...