Tuesday, May 24, 2005

It's hot today - TOO hot - and Giblets bans the sun. It is outlawed in all decent Gibfearing lands! Never again shall the brow of Giblets be sullied with its base photonic energy. Three huzzahs and a tally-ho!

What madness is this! The sun is back - hanging in the air, fusing hydrogen into helium, shamelessly flouting the law of Giblets! Apprehend it at once! Use the net, the net! The monkey is deployed. The monkey is useless! In the end the sun's fiendish heat ray overpowers Giblets and he is forced to commandeer a lemonade stand from a small crying child. Insolent sun! You may have won this battle - but the war is far from over!

War is declared! The Gibletsian army strikes as soon as the sun emerges from its mountain hideout, targeting it with strategic anti-sun rocks! What's this - the sun is unscathed! It must have some kind of crazy rockproof sun armor! Giblets commands his army to trap the sun before it escapes to its ocean getaway but the army is more interested in getting ice cream. Insolent army! Ice cream is not the annihilation of the sun!

Perhaps Giblets has spent too much time on the supply side of the sun problem and not enough time on the demand side. Sun tariffs are levied. Sanctions are imposed. A media blitz informs citizens they should JUST SAY NO TO SUN and that SUN CAUSES TERROR and to BE COOL: DESTROY THE SUN. That should fix it! As Giblets is walking the beach he spots a couple sunbathers. Sunbathers! BATHING in the SUN! They are thrown in the dungeons of Castle Giblets to be eaten by zombies. As for everyone else - a six thousand percent luxury tax on everything! That should teach you to like people who like the sun.

The pinnacle of anti-sun technology, the GX2 ballistic anti-sun missile, is aimed at the sun and launched! It lands in Tacoma, Washington. Eh. Nobody cares about Tacoma, Washington.

"Sun's not lookin too good today," says Fafnir.
"Oh really?" says Giblets.
"Yeah," says Fafnir. "Kinda old an puffy an tired-lookin."
Ha-HA, sun! Giblets can smell your weakness! It is only a matter of time before Giblets closes in for the kill.

Triumph, victory, huzzah! The sun explodes to the deafening applause of all righteous Gibletsians who are not consumed by its firey death-throes. Success at last! "I'm gonna miss the sun," says Fafnir. Well who asked Fafnir! Nobody that is who.

It's cold today - TOO cold - and Giblets has misplaced his sweater. Stupid cold! Giblets should ban the cold, too.

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posted by Giblets at 11:15 AM




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