Sunday, January 8, 2006
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself," says me.
"And zombies," says Giblets.
"Yes, and zombies," says me. "But we should also fear our fear of zombies."
"Fear of zombies is useful," says Giblets. "It got us way up in this tree out of reach of the zombies."
"Well yeah that's true," says me. "But maybe it prevents us from workin together with the zombies to overcome our differences."
"As long as the zombies adhere to their rigid pro-eating-us agenda no compromise is possible!" says Giblets.
"But Giblets that's what compromise is all about," says me. "Maybe if we compromise on gettin eaten they'll compromise on pork tariffs an the border dispute."
"Zombies will never give up their pork tariffs," says Giblets. "They are as militantly opposed to free trade as they are to polysyllabic speech and personal hygiene!"
"Now that's an uninformed stereotype, Giblets," says me. "There's a lotta hard-workin people in the zombie community who maintain a neat an professional appearance for many days after the brain eatage."
"You just want to trade Giblets's succulent guts for cheap, cheap zombie ham!" says Giblets.
"Aff's nah hroo," says me with a mouthful a ham. "I just wanna better world where man an zombie can live in peace an respect our unique cultures an experiences."
"Giblets's plan was just to get em all to stand in one place so we could squish em with a big rock," says Giblets.
"But maybe if we did that we'd just end up squishin ourselves with a different rock," says me. "The rock of fear."
"No, no I don't think so," says Giblets lookin at the rock. "Giblets is pretty sure this is basalt."
"The basalt of fear, Giblets," says me. "Which is the only kinda basalt we have to fear."
"Crazy talk!" says Giblets. "Basalt is an extrusive igneous rock whereas fear is a clastic sedimentary! It is formed over thousands of years by the gradual process of erosion and deposit."
"Particles of anxiety and paranoia get broken down through chemical an mechanical weathering," says me. "Eventually they settle in river beds of dread, where horrifular pressure condenses them into geological fright."
"Some of the greatest statues in the world have been sculpted from fear," says Giblets, "like the Bigfoot Memorial and Michelangelo's Satan and Evil Mount Rushmore."
"Evil Mount Rushmore was over five thousand feet tall an carved out of a single block of patriotic terror," says me.
"When its giant monster presidents rampaged through New York, the national guard was helpless with inspiration," says Giblets. "Until one little boy defeated them with the power of caring."
"That little boy grew up to be Franklin Roosevelt," says me, "who told us we have nothing to fear but fear itself."
"Fear and Zombie Franklin Roosevelt," says Giblets, "who will eat our brains and detain our japanese-americans."
"He's headin this way!" says me.
"Giblets is totally gonna hit im with this rock," says Giblets.
Labels: true adventures
posted by fafnir at 7:03 AM