Tuesday, October 14, 2008

So ever since this election switched from practical bread-and-butter issues like how much Democrats are going to tax Jesus to fund their gay-married abortion babies to fluff like "the economy" and "the recession" and "the apocalyptic collapse of global capitalism" it looks like everybody's gonna vote for Barack Obama. Well good for you, see if Giblets cares, Giblets doesn't care about the stupid ol' presidency anyway. But before you go and throw your vote away just ask yourself: who is Barack Obama? "Oh well Giblets Barack Obama is the junior senator from Illinois who is running for president on some moderate health care and tax reform plans and a foreign policy which is actually very similar to John McCain's," you say because you are irritating and stupid and I hate you. Yes yes but who is Barack Obama, really? "Well he was born in Hawaii to Ann Dunham and Barack Obama, Sr. and spent part of his childhood in Indonesia and was a community organizer and a law professor before running for the Illinois state senate." Okay okay but who is Barack Obama, really, while I am playing scary music and flashing this terrifyingly desaturated image of Barack Obama in a turban across your television screen? "Oh my god I have no idea, who is this mysteriously radical mystery radical!" Giblets is glad you asked!

FACT! Barack Obama and sixties radical Bill Ayers were both associated with the Chicago Annenberg Challenge, a radical education foundation whose radical goal is to radically educate black children by educating them... while they are still black.

FACT! Barack Obama spent twenty years in the same church as radically black pastor Jeremiah Wright, who has been known to make such incendiary claims as "white people enslaved black people" and "white people killed Native Americans." Is Barack Obama part of the international black conspiracy to trick white people into thinking about racism? Answer: maybe.

FACT! Barack Obama has been friends with Rashid Khalidi, an openly Arab Arab who is so Arab he writes about other Arabs. Is Barack Obama part of the international Arab conspiracy to trick white people into thinking about Arabs? Answer: also maybe.

FACT! Barack Obama talks about his white mother and his white grandparents and the white half of his family that is white, but did you know that half of his family is also black? In fact, half his family is so black that Obama keeps them hidden away on a whole other continent where they speak in a strange, otherworldly code which is not even English. What is Obama trying to hide? Possibly something black. BONUS FACT! Barack Obama may be half-white and half-black, but he married a woman who is completely black. In a way, doesn't that make him three-quarters black? Math doesn't lie, people!

FACT! "Obama" is an ancient Muslim name meaning "He Who Deceives the White Man with his Telegenic Charisma, Angular Good Looks, and Deceptively Conservative Policy Proposals." Coincidence? Or co-bama?

FACT! The previous fact was made up. But doesn't the fact that it was so easily made up prove that a kernel of truth must exist within the lie, and doesn't the existence of that kernel of truth prove that the lie is, in fact, true? Think about it! But not very hard!

FACT! Barack Obama was a community organizer. ACORN is made of community organizers. Acorns come from oak trees. Oak trees belong to the genus Quercus, which includes Quercus faginea, the Portuguese oak. The prime minister of Portugal is José Sócrates, whose last name looks like Socrates, who lived in Athens, which is also a city in Georgia, whose state fruit is the peach, which is native to China, which is exactly what Osama bin Laden was eating off of while he was plotting to destroy the Twin Towers. It's all connected, people - they just don't want you to know! And they could be black.

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posted by Giblets at 12:09 PM

Most importantly, Obama has been seen twice on national TV with a shadowy figure who has been linked with G. Gordon Liddy. And he's willingly going to be on national TV with that guy again tomorrow! How can anybody vote for Obama after hearing about his open association with these sleazy characters?
That's it. I'm voting for Giblets.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at October 14, 2008 12:51 PM
My God.

It goes deeper than I thought...
by Anonymous Anonymous, at October 14, 2008 1:07 PM
Incisive. Hard-hitting. Fafblog!!!
Quercus faginea, already undeniably linked to Obama, also looks a little faygelah, if you know what I mean and I think you do. Plus, consider that acorns are FETAL oaks.
"a foreign policy which is actually very similar to John McCain's"

immoral unsustainable world-killing insane militarism...


black immoral unsustainable world-killing insane militarism...

i can't decide.
Damn! Giblets is too clever for us! Now that you've uncovered the covert Portuguese connection (via Quercus faginea, which is best not translated into English) to Obama's campaign for world domination, the whole thing could unravel. Somehow we must put a cork (also Portuguese) in this leak!
This author has been removed by a post. It was a fence post.
by Anonymous void, at October 14, 2008 4:54 PM
You make my brain hurt Giblets. And I love you for i.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at October 14, 2008 7:39 PM
I would like to be witty, but I am too busy being awestruck.

You boys are like the scions of twenty generations of awesome!
by Anonymous charlie, at October 14, 2008 8:11 PM
Why are fire engines red? Because there are 12 inches in a ruler. Queen Elizabeth is a ruler. Queen Elizabeth is also a boat. Boats sail on the seas. The seas have fishes. The fishes have fins. The Finns fought the Russians. The Russians are red. And that's why fire engines are red, cause they're rushin' all over.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at October 14, 2008 8:26 PM
I can't believe Barack Obama might be BLACK!!! How can we be sure? Do you think we could we get those guys from CSI: Miami to do a DNA test or something? Great ... now I won't be able to sleep.
He thought he saw a Liberal
Who'd put an end to War
He looked again, and found it was
The same game as before
If that's the way it goes, he asked,
Then what is voting for?
a foreign policy which is actually very similar to John McCain's

John McCain is on the neoconservative vision of undending war like white on rice. Barack Obama is a couple of inches away from it, looking at it quizzically.

Seems to me, if we want to calm our shit down, those couple of inches could be damn important.
by Anonymous atheist, at October 15, 2008 8:47 AM
Obama's black? OH...MY...GOD! I CAN'T...WE SHOULDN'T...Uh...wait. What the hell does that have to do with anything again?
And José Socrates is (gasp) a socialest!
by Anonymous Anonymous, at October 15, 2008 10:47 AM
Thomas Robert Stevens
by Anonymous Anonymous, at October 15, 2008 12:48 PM
dear god man.. I hump you leg in the glory that is a perfect post. You win the internet for the day.
Yes we are in a wonderful country where democracy is a God given right. But there is no excuse when ignorance is bliss, to wear it on ones sleeve as if its the fashion of the week. My God, we are much smarter than the trash that is spewed on this blog. And unfortunately people who may read this and don't know the difference would believe all this mess. Don't underestimate the American people, they are much smarter than you would like to give them credit for. Both candidates deserve better respect than what is given and people who send out this garbage obiviously have too much time on their hands.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at October 15, 2008 1:31 PM
The "trash spewed on this blog" is called satire. But apparently some people don't have enough time on their hands to figure that out.
anonymous is angry that giblets is more cleverer than he is and may be black!
Oh, Giblets, I'm so in love. I'm voting for you.
by Anonymous Sabelle, at October 15, 2008 2:20 PM
anonymous (gosh, that's a popular name) said:

"And unfortunately people who may read this
and don't know the difference would believe
all this mess. Don't underestimate the American
people, they are much smarter than you would
like to give them credit for."

Wait, um, what? Which is it: people iz too stoopid to get that all this "mess" is a lampoon, or they're much smarter than they're given credit for?

No, nevermind, don't answer. Fafblog is written from the perspective that people are smart enough to figure it out, so that takes precedence.
The only trash "spewed" on this blog is "spewed" by "anonymous."

Seriously. Check your satire detector for a malfunction.
by Anonymous Sabelle, at October 15, 2008 3:54 PM
You forgot that John McCain and Barack Obama had a black baby out of wedlock... Though technically it's only a quarter black, we always round up in matters of blackness.

Blackness = ceil(Sum(ancestoral_blackitude/n))
by Anonymous Mizzoulian, at October 15, 2008 4:45 PM
These are dangerous times. Dangerous, dark times. Dark, dangerous, dark times. Dangerous, dark, dangerous times. Danger. Dark.
dude, dont listen to this "anonymous" guy. i looked up some of his other posts on the interweb and i think he might be just a troll who wants us to get all riled up so we dont notice that the ACORN is stealing all our nuts.
by Anonymous dutchmass, at October 15, 2008 6:39 PM
George Carlin -- God rest him -- in his cranky, disappointed way would have said something like this: "McCain, and his ilk -- here's another example of parents who should be strapped down and castrated with dull fishing knives in front of their witless children (i.e., the voters)." Giblets, your words touch me in a comforting and encouraging fashion. Don't back off.
I am withholding my judgment until the Medium Lobster "weighs in."
He's half-black and half-white?

So he's a grey?


I think, Giblets, you're missing the wood for the trees here.
by Anonymous tarjj, at October 15, 2008 10:36 PM
Outside of the FACT labeled as made up, what was actually false?
One of McCain's push-pollers told me Obama fathered a couple of black kids.
"FACT! The previous fact was made up. But doesn't the fact that it was so easily made up prove that a kernel of truth must exist within the lie, and doesn't the existence of that kernel of truth prove that the lie is, in fact, true?"

Win. Someone should condense this message into a bumper sticker.
Barack Obama won by being smooth jazz - boring but soothing. http://womenartmoney.blogspot.com/2008/10/barack-obama-is-smooth-jazz-boring-but.html
Very funny till you got to the stuff about ACORN. Then BANG right out of the park!! Expect to see your site traffic go up, that was fantastic!
This is exactly what I've been saying for YEARS!!!
you are very uneducated.
lucky for you everyone is entitled to his of her own opinion.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at October 16, 2008 10:57 PM
If I'm so rich, why ain't I smart?
by Anonymous a monied louse, at October 16, 2008 11:08 PM
You amuse me with your apt political humour. When I rule the Earth with an ironfist covered by a velvet glove, I shall spare you. In fact, I shall make you my jester.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at October 16, 2008 11:27 PM
It all looks so ... obvious ... when you lay it out clearly like this.

A sure sign that I am being deceived (as I have always felt about the Internet) (even back in 1969, before I took all those drugs).

The insects will inherit the earth. And quarrel while the Will is in probate, I betcha.
mmmm spew...my favorite.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at October 17, 2008 1:07 PM
Hattie said I am withholding my judgment until the Medium Lobster "weighs in."

Our friends at Lord's Lobsters Limited of St. John, New Brunswick inform us:

Lobsters are sold by weight. A small lobster would weigh in the 1 lb to 1 ½ lb range, medium lobster 1 ¼ lbs-1 ¾ lb and the large 1 ¾ -2 ½ lb. Jumbos would be 2 ½ and up even to 5 lbs.

For most people a small or medium lobster is sufficient, but for those with big appetites a large or a Jumbo would be required. Since half the fun of eating a lobster is doing battle with the shell, some people prefer two small lobsters to one large lobster.

For most people a small or medium lobster is sufficient

In your limited perceptions.
by Anonymous joel hanes, at October 18, 2008 1:52 PM
If you are going to spew all that stuff about thinking and acorns I'll just put the Luke Skywalker hand puppet on and rescue princess Leia some more.
by Anonymous blogger central control, at October 18, 2008 4:31 PM
No! Wrong Wrong Wrong!!! Obama fathered a white child out of wedlock. I just got a robocall that proved that.
by Anonymous dilbert dogbert, at October 18, 2008 9:19 PM
Scratch that... Obama and Colin Powell fathered a gay black child out of wedlock.

Fortunately Fox News called in a preemptive 'hip hop' strike on Powell, reminding everyone that he, also, is black.
by Anonymous Mizzoulian, at October 20, 2008 2:36 PM
I know an openly Iranian Iranian who is so Muslim he writes about other Muslims!!! He's brown, and he writes me cheques sometimes! EEEEEEK!!
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"acorn is a FETAL oak" - or something like that - funniest comment ever. The post was funny, too, so i can see where the inspiration came from. Followed you from jonswift.

"FACT! The previous fact was made up. But doesn't the fact that it was so easily made up prove that a kernel of truth must exist within the lie, and doesn't the existence of that kernel of truth prove that the lie is, in fact, true? Think about it! But not very hard!"

Ain't that the God's honest truth. I'm just glad to know there are other people on The Sane Side of the Fence besides me. The sheep eat what they're fed, but I personally don't like the smell or the taste of bullsh*t.

Also, this post and the one about Palin made me laugh until I almost vomited. :D
by Anonymous justalongfortheride, at October 29, 2008 5:04 PM
You can check out an interview that KIIS FM's Ryan Seacrest did with OBAMA right here:

by Anonymous Anonymous, at November 03, 2008 9:13 AM
I just happened upon this page....and I must say that while I am certainly amused....I never actually roll around on the floor laughing....but I will provide this comment of "BNS"...BNS is brief nasal snort...good enough to get an outloud reaction...(Hence the snort)but not enough to make you actually laugh out loud....Thanks!

Microsoft Mail Internet Headers Version 2.0
Content-Transfer-Encoding: binary
Priority: Urgent
Date: Tue, 4 Nov 2008 01:43:24 -0500
Importance: high
From: "Barack Hussein" (Barack.Hussein@blackpower.org)
To: {list::secret_black_list_for_victory_speech_4nov2008}
Bcc: "Jamal Darnell" (JamalGonFuqUrWiteWife@tnb.com)
Subject: The Moment Has Come...

Dearest Black Friends,

The moment has come, as I have secretly been assuring you that it would, all along. Our time has come, my Black friends. I want to take a moment to thank Allah for our victory today, and also to thank all of you, by Black supporters, who spent your time and money convincing white americans to vote for me. As you have seen tonight, it has worked beautifully.

As you are no doubt aware, there is a rude awakening in store for them on life's horizon. On January 20, after being sworn in on my copy of the Quar'an, as first action of the High Mullah of the American Nation, I will issue the following executive orders:

1. All flags will be replaced with the Black Power Fist flag
2. All personal property and land of white Republicans will be forfeit to the state.
3. All churches, pictures of Jesus Christ, and religious iconography will be destroyed immediately. All mentions of the Christian religion will be punishable by death.
4. All whites must wear a turban at all times and pray to Mecca 12 times a day.
5. Arabic will now be the official United States language. Whites will speak only in either Arabic or Ebonics. The word "Black" must always be capitalized.
6. The country will be renamed to The Islamic Communist Republic of Ameristan. White children shall be taught that Black Muslim men founded this country, and that the whites are slaves.
7. All white people must issue public apologies to Black Men for former misdeeds of their race. The jobs and money of Whites will be offered to Black Muslims as punishment.
8. White women will be offered as brides to Black Muslim men who get first priority of choosing up to ten wives.
9. All straight whites must issue public apologies to gays and lesbians. In order to increase sensitivity, the whites will be incarcerated for one month with a homosexual Black member of the same sex who is allowed to use them as seen fit
10. (The secret big one) This one you already are aware of.

It's Black O'Clock, and time to get to work!

Your New Black Muslim President,
Barack Hussein

PS - Please don't share this email with any whites before January 21, when these policies will go into effect. They may try to stop us by invoking Rule 9A. After January 21, feel free to show it to them and remind them that we had been planning this all along (it will add to their humiliation).
by Anonymous JAMAL DARNELL, at November 05, 2008 10:35 PM
Ihave read through your blog and has been amazed at the high level of ignorance and intellectual bankruptsy displayed first by you and the contributers to this blog. If this is a reflection of White America, then i sorry but i have to say I will never wish to be an America because with it comes the ignorance and dullness comparable only to gorrilas. It is well known fact that Barack Obama is not a Muslim and was never one. He is not an Arab has never been one. Those are facts for all reasonable people to know and understand. The other fact is that Obama has never hid his other African family. He never grew up in Africa (fact) whilst that family stays in Africa. How then is he hidding them?Do you want him to up-root them from their home land? Is it what they want? Americans should never believe that everyone who is outside America wishes to relocate to America. The foolishness of a white man's pride is to believe that every black man wants to be white. I myself am black and have no ambition to look white. I am proud of my vast educational achievements because they reflect my hard work. I am not that person who takes pride in skin's pigmentation as if its an achievement. Only a hopeless under - achiever would consider it an achievement. This I can understand because many white Americans do not have proper education anyway as reflected in comments made in this blog.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at November 06, 2008 11:18 AM
Hello! I'm making a survey on my blog under the title: "Only a dream"

If you could make a question, a plea, a wish to Obama, what would you say?

Please visit my blog and let all our voices be heard!

Thank you. Polly.
Someone with the intent to insult Obama was calling him "Shirley Bassey" in a blog comment section I just saw.

Similarities: Both BHO and SB are offspring of a black father and a white mother.

Differences: gender; occupation; nationality; generation.
by Anonymous Freddy el Desfibradddor, at February 08, 2011 11:31 AM
he post was funny, too, so i can see where the inspiration came from.
For most people a small or medium lobster is sufficient

In your limited perceptions.


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