Thursday, January 20, 2005
My fellow Gibletsians! On this day in history! Now is not a time!
Today Giblets is re-coronated Lord High Emperor Giblets of Everything. Long live me! But also: long live Freedom. It is delicious and to my liking and soon Giblets will spread it throughout the world!
Can you doubt the freedom-spreadery of Giblets? Giblets has decreed Iraq to be free and now it is! Oh sure, not in the petty "liberal democracy with equal protection under the law" sense. But in the "infested with terrorists" sense it's as free as they come! Once Iraqis were tortured and killed by an evil dictator. Now they are tortured and killed by freedom! Their genitals are shocked with the electrodes of liberty. They are mowed down by the machine guns of independence!
We are not our fathers, or our fathers' fathers! These truths are self-evident! We the people!
There are good countries and there are bad countries. Good countries are free, like Pakistan and Russia and Afghanistan! Bad countries hate freedom and want to destroy it. Giblets is for turning anti-freedom countries into powerful new Freeocracies bursting with color and vitamins! Stand with Giblets and freedom shall annihilate its enemies!
Freedom is like a woman, or a well-aged cheese, or a monkey. It is available for tasting and purchasing in the lobby refreshment center. There will always be an England!
Freedom is on the march, and it is heavily armed. You cannot stop freedom! It has conquered many lands and grown drunk on the blood of those who oppose it! It will crush its enemies, see it driven before them, and hear the lamentations of the women! With Giblets to lead it, freedom will sweep over the world - no, the UNIVERSE!
Ass, gas, or grass! Three for $3.99! God bless America!
posted by Giblets at 10:26 PM
Three for $3.99 no more, alas! Gas is, as I write this on April 8, 2008, one gallon for $3.29 at an Exxon gas station near me.
And speaking of the world - no, the UNIVERSE - may the Creative Forces of the Universe stand beside us, and guide us, through the Night with the Light from Above (speaking metaphorically)!
word verification: fgtzxyoy