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Monday, September 19, 2005
"I dunno if this is gonna work, God," says me.
"Wattayamean, it's not gonna work!" says God. "I'm God! Of course it's gonna work!" "Well I'm just not sure if you can fit em all," says me. "The brachiosaurs weigh fifty tons each just by themselves an that's not countin the other seven hundred dinosaur species we gotta get on the boat." "Well of COURSE they're not gonna fit if you bring 'em on full SIZE!" says God. "First you gotta let em dry out so's they shrink back down to their original pill form. THEN, once the flood's over, you take 'em back outta the package, add water, and watch 'em grow!" "Well," says me. "I GUESS that could work." "Trust me," says God. "I had like fifty of these things when I was a kid. The first thing you do..." "RRRAAAAAARRRRRRHHHHH!" says the T-rex chompin God. "AAAA!" says me runnin away. "OH GOD!" says God. "So many teeth!" "An that's why bad things happen to good people," says me. "Giblets wants ice cream," says Giblets. Labels: godmotology, great moments
posted by fafnir at 4:48 PM
Sunday, May 1, 2005
"Man, this is gonna be fuckin' hilarious!" says God.
"I dunno God," says me. "I'm not sure I get it." "No, no, it's gonna be fuckin' fantastic," says God. "'Cause y'see, everybody's gonna think there's dinosaurs, and there's not! That's gold - solid gold!" "I guess that's funny," says me. "Not really ha ha funny, more like Andy Kaufmann funny." "Dude, you just don't get it," says God. "Now c'mon, you gotta check out these, these trilobites! Ohmigod! Ohmigod, these're fuckin' classic!" "I think this is like that time we were out drivin an you got all excited about stealin that 'SALAD BAR' sign over that restaurant," says me. "Know what, man, I am fuckin' starvin'," says God. "After this we're totally gettin' some tacos." Labels: godmotology, great moments
posted by fafnir at 4:03 AM
Thursday, March 10, 2005
"I believe in a nation of laws rigorously ordered according to the dictates of logic and reason," says James Madison, "and I propose that each citizen be apportioned his vote based upon his balance of the four cardinal elements of earth, wind, water, and fire, to be measured in a census conducted by the Alchemist General."
"Nonsense and poppycock!" says Alexander Hamilton. "Your antique notions have no place in the modern age, Madison! Votes should be weighted according to a man's balance of true natural elements, aligned according to the periodic table. Thus a man whose essence is comprised primarily of phosphorpous receives half the legislative representation of a man whose spirit is made of zinc!" "Gentlemen, gentlemen, please," says God. "I believe I have the solution. You may call Me old-fashioned, but I believe the governing structure of this new law should be based firmly on the Biblical principles of a strong executive, an independent judiciary, a bicameral legislature with an upper and lower house, checks and balances, and a bill of rights to ensure the preservation of basic liberties." "That's a great idea God!" says me. "I don't know why we didn't think it up ourselves!" Then when nobody's lookin Earl Warren an the ACLU show up an beat up God an steal his lunch money an that's when slavery an stuff happens. Labels: godmotology, great moments
posted by fafnir at 4:49 PM
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