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Tuesday, November 8, 2011
posted by fafnir at 11:03 AM
Thursday, November 18, 2010
 Labels: blog ogg gog
posted by fafnir at 10:42 AM
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
posted by fafnir at 5:51 PM
Friday, April 30, 2010
 Labels: blog ogg gog
posted by fafnir at 10:01 AM
Thursday, March 25, 2010
"You know what day it is today?" says me.
"It's the Feast of the Martyrdom of Saint Willig, patron saint of haberdashers and turnips," says Giblets. "It's our blog's very own birthday!" says me. "Seven years of uninterrupted journalistic excellence!" "No, no, I'm pretty sure it's just Saint Willig," says Giblets flippin through a liturgical calendar. "Martyred on this day in 1309 while choking on a turnip." "The first thing I'd like to say about our blog is that it has the very best readers," says me. "They might not be the kindest readers or the smartest readers or the happiest or the most articulate or the best-smelling readers but they are our readers, and that says something, probably, about something!" "We don't have any readers," says Giblets. "No one reads the blog. Even you don't read the blog." "Sure I do," says me. "Why just the other day I read that thing... about the guy, who's mad about the stuff." "Giblets is going home," says Giblets. "It's all part of the rich tapestry of our history," says me. "Giblets is going home to work on his novel," says Giblets. "It is called This Is Stupid and Boring and Stupid and Shut Up." "What will the next seven years bring!" says me. "It is about a young man coming of age in small town America and being eaten by robot bears," says Giblets. Labels: blog ogg gog
posted by fafnir at 1:09 PM
Thursday, January 22, 2009
We'll be back to regular blogging on Monday. Don't anybody inaugurate any new presidents or ethnically cleanse any Mideast ghettos while we're gone!
UPDATE! Monday has been rescheduled for Wednesday on account of bird flu. UPDATE UPDATE! Wednesday has been rescheduled for Thursday because of its more amenable patron deity. UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE! Thursday has been postponed til Friday 'cause you know what? We don't like your attitude, young man. UPDATE! Okay, so it didn't happen today either. But that just shows the kind of strong commitment to principle we have here at Fafblog. Oh sure, we could've written something for Monday. And we could've written something for Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, too. But that'd just be taking the easy way out. We'll not-post today, we'll not-post tomorrow, and we'll not-post for as long as it takes just to satisfy you, our dedicated readers! P.S. see you on Monday. Labels: blog ogg gog
posted by fafnir at 11:36 AM
Thursday, January 1, 2009
It should come as no surprise that this blog has been nominated for a Pretend Internet Award® in recognition of its tireless devotion to journalistic excellence, largely coherent grammar and qualified relationship to linear time. Our writers are even now being flown in a private jet to the awards ceremony along with such fellow luminaries as Andrew Sullivan, BritneyBlog and several recycled LOLcats.
Never fear, though: success will not change Fafblog. Should we be awarded this highly prestigious distinction, the same team of hard-working bloggers will return the following month to bring you cutting-edge commentary on the '98 midterms; if not, we should be back by August at the very latest. Labels: blog ogg gog
posted by the Medium Lobster at 9:49 PM
Saturday, April 1, 2006
The Medium Lobster is a higher being from beyond the boundaries of space and time. From his perch atop ethereal dimensions whose heights defy mortal comprehension, all of reality as you know it is laid out before him like so many ants at a summer picnic. To your limited perception, he appears to be an ordinary lobster, neither especially large nor particularly small. To your limited perception.
If you are very fortunate, you may have glimpsed the Lobster yourself, in dreams and oracular trances and visionary bursts of cable punditry, whispering secrets of the realm invisible, where truth is beauty, war is peace, and cuts in the capital gains tax bring much-needed relief to working families bogged down by labor and environmental regulation. When this enlightenment is offered, accept it without question; the Lobster could fully explain such mysteries, but their awe and majesty would explode your tiny brain. Labels: blog ogg gog
posted by The Blog at 12:20 AM
Behold the glory that is Giblets! He is your supreme and ultimate Giblets, you will have no other Gibletses before him. Bow to him! Bow to him NOOOOOOW!
 Behold this simple anthropomorphic potato! It has served Giblets well and has been rewarded with a place of honor at the end of this sentence. Will you be so rewarded at the hour of Giblets's judgment? No because you suck and are full of sucking! You can stop beholding the potato now, too much beholding will make it all spoiled and full of itself.Have you stopped bowing? Giblets didn't say you could stop bowing! Keep bowing! Presidents and popes and kings of many lands have all trembled before the wrath of Giblets, probably! The following is a partial list of those who shall feel Giblets's wrath: Montana; Helena, capital of Montana; the University of Montana; states adjacent to Montana; the Aldabra giant tortoise; the Galapagos giant tortoise; the Tunisian spur-thighed tortoise; the avocado; the red delicious; the golden delicious; the Granny Smith; the Egremont Russet; etc. The following is a complete list of those who shall not feel Giblets's wrath in any way at all: nothing.  Behold this once-mighty chicken suit! It defied the will of Giblets, and is now imprisoned for eternity within this cloven jpeg. Look upon it and despair! That's enough despairing, you can stop despairing now.Are you still bowing? Giblets can't tell. Photograph yourself bowing and send the photograph to Giblets at once for immediate confirmation! Giblets will carefully screen the bowing photographs for photographs of non-bowing and punish non-bowers accordingly. Giblets has not received any bowing photographs yet! What is wrong with you! Did you not hear him in the previous paragraph? Well, fine! Giblets doesn't need you anyway! He's going home to boss himself around for a while, because clearly Giblets is the only one around here who appreciates Giblets! Giblets and his loyal potato! Stupid potato. Labels: blog ogg gog
posted by The Blog at 12:14 AM
Hi! This is Fafnir. Are you Fafnir, too? Oh, that's too bad, you have so much in common.
Fafnir is a part-time biped and freelance astronaut. While he may seem small and unassuming, when confronted with danger he can become even smaller and more unassuming, which acts as a form of natural camouflage in order to evade cars and people and other large predators. He is the author of several bestselling and critically-acclaimed novels, but he has forgotten what they're called and what they're about and his local library won't let im take em out on accounta all these late fees. His favorite color is blue, but don't tell that to blue. It would hurt pink's feelings. Fafnir first got into politics through the vegetable rights movement, but he's not some kinda crazy dreamer. He knows we've gotta start incrementally, getting the vote for charismatic flora like creeping feathermoss an workin from there. He is also the president, vice-president and treasurer of the New England Ground Sloth Preservation Society. Membership's been down lately, but we're hoping for big things with this summer's recruitment drive. Fafnir currently has two Pulitzers, a MacArthur Fellowship and the Johnsonian Professorship of Philosophy at Columbia University. The university has politely asked about it several times but finders keepers. Are you sure you're not Fafnir? Check again. There! You were Fafnir all along. Labels: blog ogg gog
posted by The Blog at 12:12 AM
Wednesday, March 2, 2005
We been trapped in the house for a coupla days now but we’re gonna break loose an get back to the internet any minute now just as soon as I find a way to sneak past this pack a wild pandas outside my door. They are all hungry an slaverin an tryin to eat me an Giblets so I call up the panda company an they send a bigger panda over to scare off the little pandas but it goes crazy an eats the little pandas and starts slaverin in fronta my door tryin to eat me an Giblets. This isn’t good! The panda company apologizes; they musta had a defective panda for which they apologize profusely. They send over a robotic control panda to deal with the big panda but they mate an produce offspring which slaver in fronta my door tryin to eat me an Giblets. The panda company is so happy, they say they have been tryin to get the robot to reproduce forever an robot pandas are very rare an endangered an I got to witness the whole miracle a life an nature an whatsis myself I should feel so lucky! I’m gettin tired a the panda company so I call up the polar bear company which oughtta produce better results I bet.
Labels: blog ogg gog
posted by fafnir at 2:09 AM
Tuesday, February 8, 2005
We get these a lot so here ya go.
1. Yes. 2. Yes. 3. Probably not, but who knows? Maybe in the future. 4. Definitely not. Giblets would hate the cake. 5. In the original story I'm asleep in my cave an Siegfried comes runnin up with his sword an stuff goin raaar an trips an falls an totally sprains his foot an I go you need help with that? an he's all no no I got it an I go cause I could call a doctor an he's all no that's all right I'll just call my girlfriend she can pick me up an I go sure all right an then he gets hit by a bus. Also in the original insteada bein a mighty dragon I am a 1973 AMC Gremlin. Wagner touches it up a bit. 6. Yeah, but why would we need a fish tank? I don't know where people get that idea. 7. Yes, that would be awesome! 8. Three random people on the east coast an some guy in Berkeley. 9. I know they don't look like much but if you put em on backwards an read it out over an over again they transport you to a maaaaaagical wonderland! This is not true. 10. It IS happening! He has his own pilot on NBC this fall called "Gibsquad"! She's a tough-talkin no-nonsense murder cop who's seen it all. He's a tiny despot who lays claim to the universe by dint of his own glory an resplendence! They laugh, they learn. 11. We are sorry for everything. Labels: blog ogg gog, things
posted by fafnir at 3:07 PM
Tuesday, March 25, 2003
It is the bloggiest blog that ever blogged. Its name is Bloggy McBlog. It wears a bowler hat and a monocle.
Say hi to the Internet, Mr. McBlog. Go on don't be shy! "Hey there, baybeh," says the blog, in a sultry, sexy voice. That's a damn good blog. Labels: blog ogg gog
posted by fafnir at 11:05 PM
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