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Friday, December 31, 2004
Some old dead guy once said that a year is a feast of days that we should savor one by one. If that's true then somebody already got to 2004 before Giblets did, probably a large foul-smelling barnyard animal, and it is now sitting in a steaming pile of crap on Giblets's front porch.
Giblets was even less satisfied with 2004 than he was by 2003. Where was Giblets's money! His power! His rap video mansions with their multitudes of ass-cheek-bearing hos! Instead Giblets saw debt and stupidity and headaches and annoying people and sickness and unemployment! Instead of a bountiful harvest of fanciful delights Giblets was presented with a veritable smorgasbord of pungent aromatic mastodon feces! And Giblets is not alone! What has 2004 done for anyone? Democrats got to get whupped by Republicans. Republicans got to completely sell out everything it means to be a Republican. Iraqis got to get tortured, blown up, and shot at. American troops got to get blown up, shot at, and stuck in Iraq underpaid. Doves got a war they didn't like. Hawks got to not like the war. Gays got marriage rights - in Massachusetts - at least a hundred and thirty six years late. The religious right got to stomp all over gays and watch Jim Caviezel get nailed to a cross. Did it make them feel any better? Does anything make them feel any better? George Bush? Yeah, okay, so he had a fun time. Happy New Year, George. The best Giblets can say is it's over. It was a magnificent and overwhelming festival of crapulence, but Giblets choked it down in the largest gulps he could. He awaits the next foul swollen circus monstrosity whose excrement of days lumbers towards us! Fuck you, 2004! And fuck 2005, while we're at it. Giblets is taking no chances. Labels: 2004
posted by Giblets at 10:40 PM
First of all we here at Fafblog wanna say that this year's Year of the Year award has been the toughest one of all to hand out. The contestants are all so qualified an you are all winners! So let's discuss the runners up for the most powerful and influential year of the year.
1938 was last year's winner and it put up a good fight this year too, with John Kerry as the Neville Chamberlain who would appease the Adolph Hitlers of Islamofascism. But who wants to see Hitler win every year? 1944 and 1864 were both hot contenders as years when we hadda reelect strong wartime presidents or else evil slaveholdin Confederate Nazis would overrun us an kill Abraham Lincoln! 1968 an 1971 were in the running on accounta the importance of what our presidential candidates did to fight terror in Vietnam. The Republican Party lobbied pretty hard for 1984, but the thing about 1984 is it can't define everything if you say it defines everything. And a darkhorse candidate was the year 1 AD for Bush-Cheney fans who saw the president as the rebirth of Jesus. But in the end we had to give it to 1296 for its blase acceptance of torture, feudalism and theocratic rule. Congratulations an a Happy New Year! Labels: 2004
posted by fafnir at 8:23 PM
Of all the objects, places, concepts, and titanic forces at play in 2004, the most monumental, influential, and ascendant is surely the blog. Laying total waste to all previous conceptions of what "news" and "media" mean, blogs have completely transformed how we parrot talking points - and have radically altered the world of media in 2004.
It was the blogosphere that single-handedly dethroned Dan Rather, somehow managing to promote the view that an unpopular septuagenarian newscaster had a liberal bias. To topple the iron edifice that was Fortress Rather, intrepid bloggers had to overcome not only the deep vein of public and private support for the nation's last-place news network, but the remarkable solidarity of the modern news media, which might resist for minutes, or even hours, the urge to devour its own in a Darwinian feeding frenzy. As a triumph of media manipulation, this nearly outranks the feat of making Trent Lott look like an awkward old Dixiecrat. It was the blogosphere which kept on the George Bush National Guard story long after it was ignored in the 2000 campaign, and while the mainstream media continued to overlook the issue until a casual remark made by Michael Moore in the primaries, it was the blogosphere and the blogosphere alone which used the scandal to cleverly dub Mr. Bush "aWol." It was the blogosphere that had the courage, perspective and sense of history to repeatedly note its truly singular role in the worldwide media apparatus. These courageous citizen newshounds doggedly pursued the big story of the year that Big Media didn't want you to know about: that they were really important. And indeed, of all the news stories, ideas, or "memes" pushed by the blogosphere, this critical news story was broken by bloggers even harder than any other. The accomplishments of blogs are too exhaustive to examine here, so the Medium Lobster will not bother to more than mention the successful campaigns to influence media coverage on the dangers of electronic voting, the mendacity of Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, and the pernicious and monstrous embrace of torture as an official policy of the United States. Congratulations, blogs: you are pioneers of the future. Who cares if you matter in the present? Labels: 2004
posted by the Medium Lobster at 11:57 AM
Thursday, December 30, 2004
Labels: 2004
posted by fafnir at 9:49 PM
Sunday, December 19, 2004
 2004 was the year of a head of cabbage! Its bold decisive leadership affected everything from the war in Iraq to the can-do inertia of the presidential election. A head of cabbage always offered us steady leadership in times of change. When we wonder "what's goin on in this crazy world I do not understand" there's a head a cabbage bein a head a cabbage! Its reassuring vegetableness, its green leafiness, the way it looked natural on a farm, spoke to our deep cabbagey values. And it knew how to stick to its guns! When its critics complained that it was a bad cabbage or that it had food poisoning or that it had pointlessly launched the military into a nightmarish, unjustified quagmire, it knew just what to do: keep sittin there bein a cabbage. Bein a cabbage, a head of cabbage isn't that smart. But it also knows that it's not that smart and listens to other the other cabbages around it which makes it an excellent cabbage manager! Some people say a buncha cabbages will just keep makin stupid mistakes, but the important thing is they will never admit them. Most important, a head of cabbage has inspired millions with its deep cabbage values. We are more cabbagey as a nation because of a head of cabbage, and with its help we can aspire to higher and higher levels of vegetative wonder. A head of cabbage is Fafblog's Man of the Year. Labels: 2004
posted by fafnir at 3:55 PM
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