Tuesday, May 13, 2008

FAFBLOG: Wow, Hillary Clinton, right here on our little blog! Well, we don't want to waste your time so let's cut to the chase! Why should we vote for you for president?
HILLARY CLINTON: One word, Fafnir: experience. I have thirty-five years of experience working for change, building a list of accomplishments so lengthy and impressive no one else even knows what they are. Why, I could go on for hours just about the policies I advanced as First Lady, from critical legislation like the Mumble-Something Act to my efforts to bring peace to the troubled region of Upper McDonaldland.
FB: And millions of Americans still enjoy the benefits of your successful health care plan in some distant parallel universe!
CLINTON: That's right, Fafnir. No one has more experience failing to fix health care than me. I worked in the White House for eight years failing to fix health care, and as president I'll make failing to fix health care my number one priority.
FB: Well that sounds pretty good, Hillary Clinton, but what if I wanna vote for someone with even more experience, like John McCain or Zombie Strom Thurmond or Andrew Jackson's collection of antique spittoons? Those spittoons have been in the White House for a long time an I hear they got a formidable command of foreign policy.
CLINTON: Ha haaa! Well you know, anyone off the street with a scary black pastor can talk about change, but it takes a fighter to fight for change. And I'm a fighter. I'm tough. And if you lived my life you'd be pretty darn tough too. I mean, I had to go to Wellesley. That was my safety school. But I was strong anyway and I endured. And as president I'll fight the insurance industry and the pharmaceutical industry and the health care industry, just as soon as they stop giving me millions of dollars!
FB: That's that no-nonsense down-to-business style I like about you, Hillary Clinton! You don't just talk about change. You talk about how much you don't just talk about change!
CLINTON: That's just the way I am, I guess. Oh, hang on a second, I have to wrestle a hog in a giant trough of grits. It's just something I do!
FB: Now, back when your husband was president he cut nine million poor women and children off welfare. But now you're the candidate of women and poor people and poor workin women. So did you approve of what your husband did at the time, and if not are you going to reverse it as president and give all those poor people their money back?
CLINTON: Ha haaa! That's an excellent question, Fafnir, and the only way to answer it is with a hearty chuckle followed by a complete non sequitur!
FB: Ha ha, that is so true!
CLINTON: You know, I wish I could make all those women's lives better, I really do. But in a way, wouldn't it help all of them even more if we could just make one woman's life a whole lot better, and then say it sort of counts towards all those other women who aren't getting anything? And wouldn't it be even better-er if that one woman was me?
FB: You know, you just can't argue with that math! Now are you running for president of Iraq, too? Because then your vote for the war totally makes sense!
CLINTON: I didn't vote for the war, Fafnir. I voted to give the president the authority to go to war. What was he going to use that authority for? Maybe he'd just frame it and hang it in his office. Maybe he'd use it to prop up one of the legs on his desk. Maybe he'd use it to sing songs and dance jigs and lift weary spirits down at the old folks home! I honestly couldn't say!
FB: If only you knew at the time that that devious George Bush would use a war authorization to authorize a war!
CLINTON: You know, I guess I'm just too giving. Maybe I just love my country too much to deny it the universal health care and endless wars it so desperately needs. Maybe some theoretical secret black Muslim who hates America wouldn't have that problem.
FB: Maybe it didn't have to be an actual war, though. Maybe you coulda just met the president halfway by settin a big pile a money on fire an shootin a buncha random people.
CLINTON: You know, Fafnir, we could stand around and argue over who raped and slaughtered whose country all day long, but where's that gonna get us? What America needs now is a president who's ready on day one to rape and slaughter competently for the American people in the next war, and I've got the sixty-five years of experience to do it.
FB: Ooh, ooh! Where's the next war gonna be, Hillary Clinton? Is it gonna be Iran? I bet it's gonna be Iran!
CLINTON: Ha haaaa! Oh, you won't get spoilers out of me that easily!
FB: Oh, you know I had to try! Now let's say you were president tomorrow. What's the first thing you'd do in Iraq?
CLINTON: Well the first thing we have to do is to start holding the Iraqis accountable. Our troops have done everything they've been asked to do: blow stuff up, kill things, kill things that're trying to run away after we've blown their stuff up. But where have the Iraqis been on this? Nowhere. You know, war and occupation isn't a one-way street. When are Iraqis finally going to put some real effort into rebuilding the government and infrastructure we've worked so hard to destroy? Where's the cooperation here? Where's the sense of responsibility?
FB: Yeah, what's wrong with those guys? Every time you try to get em to stand up an take charge they're all "oh, death to America, oh, my child is dead, oh, I have no limbs."
CLINTON: And it's not like we don't have our own problems back in the U.S. They've got a couple hundred thousand dead people? Well, let me tell you something, four dollar a gallon gasoline is no picnic either!
FB: If you could say one thing to the average legless Iraqi on the street right now, what would it be?
CLINTON: I'd tell him, you know, we've done our part here. We got rid of Saddam, we set up a government, we provided intermittently running electricity and free bandages for your leg-stumps. We gave you your chance. Now you've gotta step up.
FB: Figuratively speaking. 'Cause he doesn't have legs.
CLINTON: And then I'd station forty to fifty-thousand residual troops in his house for the next couple decades or so to protect our interests in the region.
FB: Now let's go to the lightning round! Get out of Iraq or bomb Iran?
CLINTON: Get out of Iraq by going through Iran!
FB: End wiretapping or double Gitmo?
CLINTON: Privatize wiretapping, then outsource Gitmo to more efficient overseas contractors!
FB: Talk to Hamas or nuke the Mideast?
CLINTON: Why not both!
FB: Torture or universal health care!
CLINTON: Universal torture with optional market-based health savings accounts!
FB: Now that's the kinda sensible hard-nosed moderation I can get behind! Thanks for stopping by, Hillary Clinton!
CLINTON: Oh, I'll be around.

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posted by fafnir at 1:37 PM

But Fafnir, you didn't ask about her killin' Vince Foster and where she stashed the cash from the commodities trading?! Jeepers.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 13, 2008 5:23 PM
We only had so much time!
Can I just say that having the fafblog back means that when I start thinking something, but I can't form the thoughts quite to my own liking, I can just come here and find out what I meant to think in the first place! Reading really is fundamental!
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 13, 2008 6:18 PM
four dollar a gallon gasoline is no picnic either!

True story: gasoline is a nickel a gallon in Iraq.
(Now do you want to go there?)
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 13, 2008 7:15 PM
there is no better source of snark on the web.

as a hardened snark-addict, i have had to put up with some pretty shoddy, down-market snark over the last year--snark cut with baby-powder, snark cut with dried milk, all sorts of things that had no snarkotic powers of their own.

but finally--the main-line connection is back! sweet, holy, jesus, feel the snark!! thank you fafblog! thank you, ronald mcdonald! thank you jesus! thank you, giblets!

kid bitzer
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 13, 2008 8:53 PM
So, you're endorsing Hillary?
Why didn't you ask her about the time she ate the heart of a gorilla? Or when she punched out a yak? These are the issues that the American voter needs to know more about.
She will make an excellent president of vice, occupying the fourth branch in its secret undisclosed location.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 14, 2008 2:11 AM
Carl Bernstein (the one who was played by Dustin Hoffman in the movie - the Woodward character was played by Robert Redford) has written a whole book on Hillary. He now says that people who know Hillary really well think that, when she gets used to the idea that Obama's the presidential nominee, she will insist on being the vice presidential nominee. http://tinyurl.com/3ushrv

Who knows if it's good or bad?

On the other hand, you can be sure that the following recipe will have delicious results. It's from a July 15, 1992 column by Marian Burros in the New York Times.

Hillary Clinton's Chocolate Chips

Total time: 20 minutes

Vegetable oil for baking sheets
1 1/2 cups unsifted all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 cup solid vegetable shortening
1 cup firmly packed light brown sugar
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 eggs
2 cups old-fashioned rolled oats
1 12-ounce package semisweet chocolate chips.

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease baking sheets.

2. Combine flour, salt and baking soda on waxed paper.

3. Beat together shortening, sugars and vanilla in large bowl with an electric mixer until creamy. Add eggs, beating until light and fluffy. Gradually beat in flour mixture and rolled oats. Stir in chocolate chips.

4. Drop batter by well-rounded teaspoonfuls onto baking sheets. Bake for 8 to 10 minutes or until golden.

5. Cool cookies on sheets for 2 minutes. Remove to wire rack to cool completely.

Yield: 7 1/2 dozen cookies.

Nutrition analysis per cookie: 67 calories, 4 grams fat, 5 milligrams cholesterol, 35 milligrams sodium, 1 gram protein, 9 grams carbohydrate.

A note on the "solid shortening" issue, added 2008 by F.F.

As our friends at Wikipedia inform us, the most famous brand name in solid vegetable shortening, Crisco, was originally developed by Proctor and Gamble, and since 2002 has been owned by the J. M. Smucker Co. The name "Crisco" was derived from the initial sounds of "crystallized cottonseed oil", but now is a brand name used for a variety of products from olive oil to butter flavor no-stick cooking spray.

At the company's "About Crisco FAQs" page, we find: Are all Crisco shortening products now trans fat free?, with the response All Crisco shortening products now have 0g trans fat per serving for a more healthful option.

This is correct, in a "round less than half a gram down to zero" sense. It does not tell the whole story, however (and for the following facts I am relying on Wikipedia once again.) "In April 2004, Smucker introduced 'Crisco Zero Grams Trans Fat Per Serving All-Vegetable Shortening,' which contained fully hydrogenated palm oil blended with liquid vegetable oils to yield a shortening much like the original Crisco. As of January 24, 2007, all Crisco shortening products have been reformulated to contain less than one gram of trans fat per serving. The separately marketed trans-fat free version introduced in 2004 was discontinued. Crisco now consists of a blend of soybean oil, fully hydrogenated cottonseed oil, and partially hydrogenated soybean and cottonseed oils." The controversy about the health effects of this blend is reported in the Wikipedia Crisco article.

If I were to make these cookies in my own kitchen, I would use Smart Balance margarine. F.F.
Hard hitting interview FB, but what's with letting her skate on the favorite pie question? Perhaps you could find out in a follow-up with the honest and not-either-wild-eyed Terry Mac?
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 14, 2008 9:10 AM
Fafblog jumped the shark.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 14, 2008 10:23 AM
So true, anonymous. So very true.
don't listen to anonymous, fafnir! it was global capitalist democracy that jumped the shark. fafblog only seems different (looking through shark colored glasses.)
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 14, 2008 11:42 AM
This is teh awesome! How did you get so superpowerful snark? Was it toxic waste? Or gamma radiation? 'Cause I want me some o' that!
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 14, 2008 12:00 PM
True story: gasoline is a nickel a gallon in Iraq.

I got a flyer in the mail sayin Halliburton is havin a sale on nickels at the stall just outside the Green Zone. Only four dollars each. Not entirely made of nickel, but guaranteed no depleted uranium.

Jus my five cents' worth,
Capt. Twelve A.M. Midnight, E.S.T., C.E.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 14, 2008 12:13 PM
Oh, by the way, did anybody remember to send asymmetrical suicide bombers and U.S.-jet strikes to Crawford last weekend? I'm sure Jenna or not-Jenna (whichever) would've appreciated this Iraqi wedding-tradition touch.

Let em eat wedding cake,
Capt. 12
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 14, 2008 12:24 PM
Just curious...

do you think your readership is well informed enough to diffentiate between the lies you told about Clinton's record in the name of humor, and the facts?

Because while this is really funny, a whole lot of Obots actually think that you're "factual" assertions (like Bill C throwing 9 million people off of welfare) has some truth...

and these same Obots would be screaming for your blood if you used Obama's actual record on issues like health care, Iraq, gun control, welfare, etc to skewer him.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 14, 2008 12:55 PM
Paul Lukasiak is concerned about Obots and other things. Very concerned.
Cripes! You had to resurface as an Obamablog!? That's what the world needs alright, another fuckin' Obamablog...not!!!
and so it goes.

- linda ellerbee
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 14, 2008 1:49 PM
If you don't like Fafblog snarking on your favorite stuff, maybe you should try having less dumb favorite stuff. Just a thought.
Just a thought. Who nominated you arbiter of anything, let alone ""dumb favorite stuff?"
The God of Common Sense? I dunno. Was that a rhetorical question?
Yes, it was a rhetorical. And may I say, that was a pretty "dumb" answer.
Much in the same way that that was a "witty" rejoinder?
I wasn't trying to be witty, geox. The disdain for all things Clinton, which I guess includes the approximately 50% of Democrats (those blue collar not-blog reading types) who are just too "dumb" to get with the program, leaves me feeling not all that funny.
Why must you argue about whether or not Hilary is getting plenty of ponies from Fafnir? Do you not see that Fafnir loves all politicians that agree with him equally? I, for one, will go with the Presidential duo who will most likely give me glorious pie and magical ponies from Iraq:

by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 14, 2008 3:08 PM
What a fantastic blog - truly one of the greats.

Your blog is exactly what my blog would be like if I; had more time, was 10 years younger, wasn't beaten as a child, knew how to insert a site counter, could write, didn't have a $300,000 mortgage, and ate more vegetables.
The fact that you had to resurface at all, fafnir, proves beyond doubt that despite your denials you are, in fact, just another mammal.
I think the "point" of that last "comment" flew right over someone's head.

And not to belabor a meaningless argument, but I really don't want to live in a world where you're not allowed to say anything mean about a candidate for fear of offending her supporters by proxy.
I'm just be a copyrighted logo on a delicious line of snacks and cupcakes, so I guess the "point" just flew right over my head! What a lil' dumbell I am!
Now, can we Obama people be confident that Fafnir will never interview our guy?

Sadly, No We Can't. (Oops, sorry about the unintended product placement.) We could expect that only if were some kind of idiots.

Well, come to think of it, I'm pretty confident that you (you know who you are) believe exactly that. Sad. Curable, I hope.

And when that interview comes along, we'll have to (and I think most of us will) make with the twisted shit-eating grins and allow as how that's a quite decent satire. But you know, it's not really true. So much unlike satire in general, you know.
It's only to be expected from a member of the weaker sex. Don't worry your pretty little head about it.

...I mean really, is that what you're hearing? I don't know what to say to that kind of nuttiness. Lord knows I try to be understanding of Clinton supporters, but sometimes you make it very difficult.
Thank you very much for making me possible.

--Paul Lukasiak's stroke
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 14, 2008 8:12 PM
Okra Tofu Pie think elitist creative class blue collar beer swilling latte sippers too blinded by racist misogynistic anti-pie bigotry to not see true compromise candidate that can bring party together under banner of peace and love and understanding and dancing hippos and lo-fat ice cream and candy buttons and pie: Fafnir!

Okay, Giblets too, but he would be in charge anyway, so might as well let Fafnir be president and Giblets can be Emperor and rule all the land and all will love him and despair.

Oh, and Okra Tofu Pie can finally be promoted to assistant manager at smoothie shop, cause am king maker and super compromise facilitator.

by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 14, 2008 8:25 PM
Hey guys, if Bush gave up golf b/c of the Iraq war, what are you giving up?

by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 15, 2008 1:11 AM
$ 9 , 3 7 2 , 9 5 0 , 6 0 0 , 0 4 0 . 3 5
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 15, 2008 3:21 AM
I'm not "hearing" anything, geox. That you won't stand by what you write indicates to me that it's you who's weak (and a lousy spinner), in addition to being being a supercilious twit.

You assume an awfully lot, Porlock Hussein Junior. I'm not anxiously awaiting any Fafblogian Obama takedowns, either. I'd be equally disappointed if this fine endeavor were to devolve into a Clintonblog. The Dem primary season has been a rather taxing time for those of us who don't feel the urge to choose sides and throw stones at the other half of our team. So, sorry if I'm not thrilled to see Fafblog jump into the mucky end of it, especially so pointlessly -- we appear to be very near the end with a pretty clear winner.

And thanks for the "idiot" comment.
don't forget hitlary's promise of a mr. fusion powered, time travelin, flyin delorean in every garage! is this the 50s or nineteen ninety nine?
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 15, 2008 9:23 AM
Next, join me an' debbie over at Wikipedia where we'll be complaining about their lack of humorous articles and biting satire!
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 15, 2008 11:40 AM
Faf can munch down whatever and whoever he wants. As long as he doesn't wander away too long again I forgive all.

And anyway, shark jumping is a fine, well-respected sport. Last year it surpassed even Ninja Warrior obstacle courses in Japan.
I stand by everything I wrote. Your persecution complex is not my problem.
Debbie, Geox, if you don't stop fighting, Fafnir is going to pull this blog off to the side of the road and give you a stern talking to. Do you want to hold hands? Because he WILL make you sit together and hold hands if you can't stop fighting.

This is a snark blog, beloved for the snark, shark and sharky, snarky, pie (and albatrosses, back before they ran out of albatrosses). So do, please, take the internecine bickering to Talk Left, or Corrente Wire, and take Lukasiak back there with you.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 15, 2008 2:18 PM
You guys are gonna love the rest of our campaign coverage.
it really is fafblog! I was a me of little faith for a while at the start, but this is grade A fafblog yaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 15, 2008 2:28 PM
Gosh, I certainly expect that Fafblog will hold tightly to precedent and fail to criticize anyone who might be hypersensitive about anything. Because doing that is absolutely, positively, the best policy for a humor site. Aim for the Carrot Top level of yuks!
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 15, 2008 2:39 PM
The Lil' Debbie Persecution Complex is a privately held, family-run facility. The main entrance opens onto a sumptuous Snack Cake Kitchen. Past the cookie table is a narrow hallway that leads down to the Dungeon of Distress and the underground car park. Features include:

• The S'mores of Anguish
• Snug Fitting Iron Maiden
• The Shunned Swiss Cake Roll
• Whisperer in the Creme
• Honey Buns of Suffering
• Underground Parking Lot with a Car Wash

Make reservations now and we'll throw in an accursed frenzy of unutterable Bananna Nut Muffins...on the house!
Okay, that was funny.
I used to really, really, really like this blog. Back when it didn't have obvious kool-aid stains on it.

This is reaching for such naked political truthiness as the base for the material that it hasn't just lost satirical value, it's actually not very funny. I'm left with an "I could do better, including at snarking Clinton even though I dislike her less than I dislike Obama" thought, and *I'm not funny*.

This comments thread is funny, though, sort of like a zombie ballet.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 15, 2008 8:32 PM
Normally, a response of "oh yeah? Let's see YOU do better!" is a silly and meaningless debate tactic. But when your opponent specifically CLAIMS that s/he can do better...well, then I believe the only operative phrase is "put up or shut up."
well there you go...
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 15, 2008 10:17 PM
wait... lil' debbie is fafblog!, right?
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 16, 2008 12:13 AM
This comments thread is funny, though, sort of like a zombie ballet.

Okay, now I'm offended. I've seen Zombie Ballets at the Bolshoy, thank you, second balcony, and they're Not Funny At All. Especially since the addition of visiting prima Natalya Dudinskaya, whose grace and minimal decay has brought zombthusiasts to tears with her performances in Queen of BRAINS!!! and Swan BRAINS!!!

Just a tip from an afficionado: if you're going to sit in Orchestra rows A-F, DO take the time to put on the complimentary Kevlar helmet. Cleanups can really delay the performance and make it a less enjoyable experience for all.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 16, 2008 10:44 AM
The Lil' Debbie Persecution Complex is a privately held, family-run facility.

It's really nice there, I guess, but I just couldn't shake the feeling that the staff was out to get me.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 16, 2008 11:29 PM
What does everyone have against me? I am cheap and tasty and refreshing!

I like fafnir because fafnir never uses me as an insult, but even fafnir loves pie better. I am sad.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 17, 2008 1:44 PM
Gary said that there was cake over here again.

by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 17, 2008 10:45 PM
All hail Fafblog!

I was waiting for either Jesus or Fafnir to return, and now I don't really care anymore if Jesus does.

I wish the comments would be freed of "I was shoppin' fafblog before shoppin' fafblog was cool" comments and non-funny political comments, though.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 18, 2008 1:50 PM
Dear Fafnir,

What flavor were the grits? That information is of utmost journalistic importance! Cheese flavor is more truly American, but plain is more respectably hard-core. Butter is too compromising between flavor and healthiness. We need a leader with real tried and true grit-choosing experience in the hog-wrestling arena!
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 19, 2008 11:47 AM
Dear Kool-Aid,

I'm almost certain that the insulting use of your name is a reference to a figurative phrase "drinking the Kool-Aid", apparently first appearing in published text in 1987.

Marion Barry, then the mayor of Washington, DC. failed to appear for a radio talk show, and the host said, “But if Marion Barry disrespects us, we will cry out … We will not blindly drink the Kool-Aid any longer.” The host’s remarks were published in the Washington Post.

This refers to an incident known as the Jonestown Massacre.

Wikipedia argues convincingly that Tom Wolfe's book "The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test" always uses the phrase "drinking the Kool-aid" to refer to actual drinking of actual Kool-Aid.

In each case, however, the Kool-Aid in question has its life-changing effects due to an an additional ingredient which has no connection with the product available in stores.
I've been drinking the dang Kool-Aid for years, and it never did me any harm at all -- not even when it was chock full of red dye #2. Likewise, it never did any harm at all to my 32 pound talking goiter, who goes by the name of 'Mister Sassafrassy.'

Tell the kids a joke, Mister Sassafrassy!

Mister Sassafrassy: Your moms is so fat that when she walks out on the front porch in a red dress all the little kids yell, "Hey, Kool-Aid!"

Anyone have any iodine?
1. This place was so much better before... back when it was better.
Now it's all kool-aid stainy and stale.

2. This place needs more fafnir. MORE posts. How can you abandon us again?

The food at this restaurant stinks and the portions are too damned small.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 20, 2008 8:39 PM
thepuppethead is doing pretty good for now, though.
but still. [check watch]
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 20, 2008 8:41 PM
Whining weiners one 'n all... Everything is funny til they're Al-Gorin' your oxen. Put on your pantsuits and drink the Kewl Ade of truth, justice 'n the 'merican way (now with flavor crystals)... and would somebody dick-slap Joe Lieberman fercristsake? OK, gotta help Wesley Snipes' with his taxes...
We get the last laugh here in Montana... I can't wait! I've been warming up my belly for the last few days.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 21, 2008 7:03 PM
hillary clinton is great
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 21, 2008 10:45 PM
We just learned that Hillary is staying in cause she thinks the black guy will get assassinated. What a clever little vixon she is ...
It's only to be expected from a member of the weaker sex. Don't worry your pretty little head about it.

...I mean really, is that what you're hearing? I don't know what to say to that kind of nuttiness. Lord knows I try to be understanding of Clinton supporters, but sometimes you make it very difficult.

May 14, 2008 6:31 PM

After that silly ass comment, I suggest your difficulty lies not with the Clinton supporters so much as it lies within.
Srsly dood. You put words in her mouth and then claim she's making it tough on you to be "understanding" by virtue of words you put in her mouth? Get out!
I think she should stay in just in case Obama is sent off with three bad guys imprisoned in the first Superman movie. Just in case.
Yes, Yes !!

... and she should stay in just in case Mars gets tired of Santa Claus and starts wanting a black guy with big ears and a funny name.

You never know

It was James Russell Lowell who asked, "What is so rare as a day in June?" Some June days leave pleasant memories, some not so pleasant, as Senator Clinton has recently reminded us.

On a warm day in June, you might not want to spend much time in the kitchen. Here's a recipe for a quick, cool (AND kool) pie so easy that a child can make it, provided by our friends at Yankee magazine. One of their readers writes:

A little 9-year-old girl gave me this recipe. It tastes great and is very easy to make. And you can use any flavor Kool-Aid you like.

* 1 ready-made graham cracker pie crust
* 1 14-ounce can sweetened condensed milk
* 1 envelope Kool-Aid (any flavor)
* 1 small tub Cool Whip, thawed

Mix all ingredients together until thoroughly combined. Pour into crust and refrigerate at least one hour before serving.

An anonymous reviewer says, "I have tried this recipe on several occasions and everybody loved it."
mmmmmmhhm...KOOL-AID PIE

If you are old enough to write your own name you can make this pie, with a little help on the stirring. I encourage anyone with youngish children to put them in charge of Memorial Day deserts. This is one of the (all to few) ways children can actually contribute to the family. They are usually proud to do so, you get to have some positive bonding time and then everybody gets a piece of delicious pie. win-win-win
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 25, 2008 3:50 AM
Eat a hot dog containing pork and you go straight to Hell. What kind of deity would make a rule like that, and *not* provide some kind of an alarm on the booby trapped food? Like, you know, glowing fluorescent colors or an eerie scream.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 27, 2008 1:34 AM
It is so good to have you back Fafnir.
You are back, right?
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 27, 2008 3:56 PM
As to the Kool Aid pie:
* 1 ready-made graham cracker pie crust
* 1 14-ounce can sweetened condensed milk
* 1 envelope Kool-Aid (any flavor)
* 1 small tub Cool Whip, thawed

Mix all ingredients together until thoroughly combined. Pour into crust and refrigerate at least one hour before serving.

After I've mixed all the ingredients together, the crust might be a bit worse for the wear. Doesn't seem pie-o-licious.

by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 27, 2008 5:50 PM
Quite some unfounded humorous piece!
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 28, 2008 5:44 AM
We are all Fafblog! Every one of us in these comment threads, and all the people whose tongues we have touched in our life. We've all jumped the snark together and fallen into a vat of fluffy pink Kool-Aid. Except me. I prefer grape Flavorade, because it covers up that other flavor better. The one we don't like to talk about, like the crazy uncle in the basement who keeps shouting for us to untie him and claiming he just wants to deliver the rest of the mail in the neighborhood. He's so embarrassing, and so is a lot of the stuff in that big leather bag spilled out on the basement floor.
you know what a nice word is? fortnightly. that's a nice word.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 28, 2008 10:04 AM
After I've mixed all the ingredients together, the crust might be a bit worse for the wear. Doesn't seem pie-o-licious.

Sounds like you need a little help with the stirring.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 29, 2008 10:44 AM
My friends,
I am glad Fafblog has returned to help us through these dark and challenging times.
Might I suggest for the next interview, Fafnir interview, well, me? After all, I'm a maverick straight talker. And I don't have a soul.

John McCain: 100 More Years
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 29, 2008 5:01 PM
"John McCain: 100 More Years"

Huh? - I thought that was "John McCain, he's 100 Years old"
Oh, that too.

You know, it's hard to remember things when you're 100...

Sunni, Shiite, Sunni, Shiite
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 30, 2008 2:44 AM
Returning to the topic of the Clinton interview which these are the comments to, we note the uncanny relevance to recent public discussion of Fafblog's poignant observation, "If only you knew at the time that that devious George Bush would use a war authorization to authorize a war!" Despite the fact that this refers to something that happened years ago, and the interview itself was posted over a fortnight ago, it's as if it were ripped from the headlines!!!


A footnote to the history of the land that we love and our relationship to those other countries contemporaneously inhabiting This Big Blue Marble


Scott McClellan's change in perspective on matter of the mass murder of Iraqis by the US government, as reported in his new book, has been in the news, and the chattering class has been chattering about it - mostly defending themselves, of course.



we read,

"Discussing the run-up to the Iraq war on Hardball, David Gregory said,

'If there wasn't a debate in this country, then maybe the American people should think about, why not? Where was Congress? Where was the House? Where was the Senate?'

In fact, a majority of congressional Democrats voted against the Authorization for Use of Military Force Against Iraq in October 2002. Of the 258 Democrats in Congress at the time, 147 voted against the resolution, while 110 voted for it. One Democrat did not vote."

Ted Kennedy made a speech opposing the war in the Senate, but David Gregory apparently never mentioned this fact to the public, for example.

Who can explain it? Who can tell you why? My own personal best guess is that it has something to do with the MICFiC - i.e., the

*M ilitary
I ndustrial
C ongressional
Fi nancial
C orporate Media Complex -

a conspiracy to milk, shear, and slaughter the sheeple, figuratively speaking - except the slaughter is literal.

May the Creative Forces of the Universe stand beside us, and guide us, through the Night with the Light from Above -

and have mercy on our souls, if any.
is it true that the dnc *denied* fafblog credentials for coverage of the convention???

this is an outrage.

kid bitzer
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 30, 2008 1:44 PM
The Medium Lobster will be at the convention. He will assume the appearance of Tim Russert by using his higher powers. Russert will transported to a lobster boat off the Somali coast and it will be quite a tale to tell on how he gets back to Nantucket.

The Russert impersonator will be apparent to those of us in the know by comparing the details of the third chin which will be far different than the real third chin. Nobody else will notice because they have been trained not to notice the third chin.

Watch out Tim! Lobsters are death on third chins.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at May 30, 2008 9:07 PM


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