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Friday, January 14, 2005
Now that everything's used up, everything pretty much repeats itself only louder an with more explosions. I get the same mail today I got yesterday only the mailbox is attacked by a team of international jewel thieves posing as Muslim extremists. The same ragtag team of rough-edged mercenarcies show up in the nick a time to kill the bad guys and deliver my packages.
The love interests keep changing an gettin bigger an better every day, gettin more muscles an bigger breasts an bigger muscles an more breasts, but their dialogue gets worse an the adult situations become more forced. Random naked people start showin up in the salad bar. The villain arrives who is either a terrorist or a cyborg or a pirate or a terrorist cyborg pirate an he falls off a building an gets eaten by elephants an explodes for us to end the day. Then everything blows up an we go home. Strange elflike little people fix everythin in the middle of the night. The next day everything is clean an new an ready to be destroyed again in the very same way. We brush our teeth, walk past the ninjas an get ready for another stupid ol day. Labels: the planets
posted by fafnir at 11:47 AM
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
Scientists discover that the world is made of candy! There is a huge celebration because hunger is over forever. People everywhere rush outside an eat trees an grass an birds an cars an streetlights an bits of masonry. Some people say that some things taste better than others, the way dogs taste better than concrete. Other people say this is crazy and that it's all the same flavor with different colors, like a bag of skittles. The first people believe the second people to be impugning the good name of skittles and eat them and find out that people are the most delicious candy of all!
Stuff is eaten in mass quantities. There is a worldwide run on stuff, and countries with more stuff, like mountains and forests and people, start getting invaded by countries with less stuff, like deserts and plateaus. Casualties are enormous but cannot be counted because the bodies don't stay long enough. Scientists get back on TV to say something else but it is unclear what because televisions have been eaten. Massive food riots break out across the country as morbidly obese people fight for the last few scraps of each other. Me an Giblets watch it all from our delicious chocolatey bunker. "Maybe we shouldn't eat the furniture so fast," says me to Giblets while he swallows a piece a table leg. "We should ration it out carefully to preserve the candy supply." "Nonsense!" says Giblets. "We will never run out of the candy supply!" "Well after the furniture we just have the bunker," says me. "An after the bunker there's just us." "And eating each other would be crazy," says Giblets. "Yes," says me. "Crazy." We stare off into the distance and try not to think about lunch. Labels: the planets
posted by fafnir at 8:03 PM
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
So I'm paintin on the side of a buildin workin on my epic graffiti mural Mr Mumfrey Makes Toast when a piece a paint falls off an I see a big plastic brick behind it. "Huh, that's funny," says me. "Didn't know they were makin buildins outta plastic."
Next day I'm walkin the dog an I notice I'm not really walkin him as much as draggin him cause he seems all stiff an plasticky, an first I'm all worried about the dog before I figure out it's just he's made a plastic. "That's a neat trick dog," says me. The dog makes the kinda bark plastic makes an I walk him down a plastic sidewalk. Day after that I'm sittin in the park tryin to eat a pretzel only it is much harder, more rigid, an harder to chew than my usual pretzel when I see a buncha guys movin a tree an replacin it with a clever plastic replacement tree. I run over to stop em an Speak For The Trees only I can't on accounta my mouth's fulla plastic pretzel. The plastic tree guys grab me an throw me in their plastic car an drive off to a big plastic building to face the clever plastic conspiracy that's replacin the world with plastic! When I get there the clever plastic conspiracy's just sittin there made a plastic. I move em around an speak for em. "Oh Fafnir you've been a bad Fafnir figurin out our plastic conspiracy," I make the plastic conspiracy guys go. Then I get bored an go home. Back home Giblets is bossin the dog but the dog won't do anythin back. "Insolent dog," says Giblets. Labels: the planets
posted by fafnir at 3:50 PM
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