Saturday, November 14, 2009
Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and four of his friends are going to stand trial! It's taken about six and a half years for this to happen, during which they were all presumably kept waiting in the parlor of a sumptuous mansion along with the Colonel, the Countess, the jewel thief, the butler and the maid while a brilliant but eccentric sleuth attempted to discern the identity of the true culprit through the use of the deductive method, the thorough examination of evidence, and simulated drowning.
Everybody else has to stay in Special Torture Jail forever on accounta they have all come down with Schrodinger's Guilt. If they stay in the box they might be guilty, but if we open the box they might not be.
posted by fafnir at 9:54 AM
Your honor, the prosecution will not confirm or deny any incidents of "water" "boarding," but if any such incidents did occur, we didn't mean it, or we were only doing it because we loved them and it was for the best, or we meant it only in the nicest possible way, and also, none of our evidence was the result of those incidents, which really, most likely never happened, probably.
That's one of the strange things about no one acknowledging that for almost eight years we were ruled by batshit crazy warmongering zealots -- the incremental improvements are still 90-95% batshit crazy. Perhaps we could just call a do-over and undrop all that ordinance and unkill all those people, and then we'd have a whole bunch of Muslim zombies who owe us their very existence, and they could storm the ships of the inferior races when Viggo Mortensen asks them.
Our strength as a nation will continue to be challenged by those who employ a strategy of the weak, using international fora, judicial processes, and terrorism.
my gods and goddesses, but you people rock. Or should that be "you person?"
Whatever. I'm not fussy when y'all rock. That's why we invented "y'all," y'know; to keep things vague.
oh, and another thing, Fafnir.
How can you remind me to remember the tiny little PayPal donate button, at such a time when I might feel inclined to engage in potlatch?
I ask this for all of your slavering fans, as well. How can we be reminded?
What might you invent? Or, more to the point; what might WE invent?
I suggest an entirely new invisible, and moderately trendy currency system, which we shall call "Spaff," for sentimental reasons.
However, I'm open to feedback on this. I'm easy, really.
But still...it's so small, Fafnir.
And every time I try to go see it again, this window closes, and I have to fear that I've lost all this text, when in fact I find it all again when I click on the "post comment" button, including a helpful button asking me if I would prefer to leave.
Oh, Fafnir! You make it so hard. All the other blogs are so easy with the presents.
Still, I know that's part of what makes you, you. And the medium lobster bits as well, and all of that.
I wish there was some sort of wonderful illuminated mailing system, via which I could just send you produce, Fafnir. Perhaps 50# of freshly harvested pecans, or perhaps a freshly killed duck (though I have no ducks).
But alas, we must work with these small Internet charms, these marginal PayPay buttons, unseen by many.
Fafnir (and all of the rest of you archetypal metaphors which Fafnir comprises) - I hope that you are what eternity is about, because that would make me want to believe in it more. I already believe in it some, but that individual personality thing kind of hangs me up.
You, though; might change that for me. sigh.
And, one more thing - if you comment back and call me a suck, you're getting seriously, if metaphorically, cursed. I mean it. I don't take that sort of thing lightly.
a brilliant but eccentric sleuth
Along the lines of Lord Peter Whimsey, no doubt.
At the risk of seeming slightly ridiculous, I will confess that since analog tv broadcasts ceased earlier this year, the great majority of the tv time that missus charley, m.d. and I put in has been viewing DVDs and videos from the public library - we do NOT have cable or satellite tv, and our broadcast digital reception is rather spotty (we ought to get a roof antenna, I think.) It is during this time period that we became acquainted with the stories about the sleuth I just mentioned. Over the past weekend we finished viewing the Jeeves and Wooster shows from the early 1990s.
We find our time at home is more relaxing when we don't bother with the daily news broadcasts, or the Sunday morning talk shows. We are still tuned in enough to the zeitgeist to comprehend NPR's "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me" (even though we have given up Morning Edition and Weekend Edition long ago - back when they were interviewing John Yoo with a straight face), so we don't believe we're really missing anything important.
And moving from the spirit of the times to a somewhat related topic, the previous poster's expressed desire to "believe in [eternity] more", I just came across a verse that may be relevant, by Julia Fletcher Carney:
Little deeds of kindness,
Little words of love,
Help to make earth happy,
Like the heaven above.
Only simulated drowning? Pah! That's nuffin. That's barely worth mentioning. It's like a gentle shampoo to the sophisticated terrorist of today. Furthermore, they should be happy we're not letting them out of that box. Inside the box they're potentially both guilty and not guilty. Outside the box they'd have to live with the dark reality of socialist medicine and people makin' fun of that nice Sarah Palin. We're really doing them a favor if you think about it.
I heared tell they gets lots of fruit. Or maybe they are fruits. OMG! Ghey Terrists!
(Clean up on Aisle 7)
The word on the street is that Fafnir will be attending the Annual Detroit Subgenius Devival November 28th.
My kitchen garden is in a box, does that mean it might be guilty? Should I put my herbs on trial?
Life is so confusing.
If I promise to be an extra specially good boy and stop trying to entice Mr Fafnir and Mr Giblets and Mr The Medium Lobster into pervert warm pie sex games, will they please please please get me a kitchen herd garden for my kitchen herd? Please?
I am glad I tested my soil because it turns out it was concrete. It is hell trying to plant things into concrete. Let me tell you, those soil tests, they are good.
bandecoc Where does the emphasis go for that one? Is the "e" silent? Word verification offers only questions and provides no answers. I think it's band eco c, cause it's music/earth/citrus week. Or maybe it's music/earth/music week?
The Pentagon's top detainee affairs policy appointee has quit the Defense Department just seven months into the job, a Pentagon spokesman said Tuesday.
Good riddance. Guy's got no sense of humor, obviously.
My recognition word is "nudfor". What is nudfor? (If your answer involves electricity, you're on the right track.)
Simulated drowning, yah, sure, you might think that if the water is real and the lungs are real then the drowning is real, but it's just simulated. Just a matter of perception - like the simulated G-forces in a rollercoaster ride. Harmless like the simulated pain of simulated electrocution by taser. These things aren't really happening, they are just manipulations of the subjects perceptions - right?
But I do have some questions.
If I vote on hackable machines, is that simulated voting?
If SCOTUS selects the president, is that a simulated president?
How much richer do the rich have to get before the economy is simulated?
If a news channel passes off opinutainment as news, is that simulated news or simulated opinion?
Is porn sexually simulating?
I hope that the next posting at Fafblog will also be in the warnography category, telling us what to think about the President's impending speech to the nation about how we will finish the job in Afghanistan. Although I know I won't have to come up with an opinion myself - that David Brooks will tell me what to think, for example - I'd rather have the Fafblogian perspective.