Tuesday, October 11, 2005
FAFBLOG: It's great to have you here Harriet Miers! We got a ton a questions here we been waitin to ask.
GEORGE BUSH: Great to be here, Fafnir. Ask away.
FB: Waaaait a minute. Mr. President?
BUSH: Absolutely I'm the president, an' that's why I want the Senate to swiftly confirm my good friend Harriet Miers.
FB: I'm confused.
BUSH: Like all judicial nominees, Harriet Miers is covered under executive privilege, Fafnir. The president needs the freedom to appoint his Supreme Court in complete privacy. Ms. Miers will remain bagged, sealed and classified until her confirmation by the United States Senate.
FB: And yet we know so much about her! Her name... her church... her name. You've been pretty generous with information so far, Mr. President.
BUSH: It's my dedication to openness and transparency, Fafnir.
FB: And we appreciate it. Now, how'd you make the pick?
BUSH: I just looked around an' picked the most qualified justice I could find. There was the coffee mug, the stapler, an' Harriet Miers, and in the end I just had to go with the candidate I felt was the strongest.
FB: Wow, and that was your "World's Best President" mug, too!
BUSH: It was a tough call, let me tellya. But don't count that coffee mug out forever - it's gotta lotta smart ideas about eminent domain.
FB: Mr. President, I was hopin you could tell us a little about Harriet Miers's judicial philosophy.
BUSH: Harriet Miers's judicial philosophy is that she's gonna be smart, Fafnir - an' she's not gonna legislate from the bench.
FB: Well that's a relief! I'm tired a these other Justices passin bills an resolutions all the time. Now what's her position on abortion?
BUSH: First off let me tell you that Harriet Miers's position on abortion is a smart one - a real smart one - and that in no way do I know what it is. Also, she will not legislate from the bench.
FB: So will she not-legislate to uphold Roe v Wade or will she not-legislate to overturn Roe v Wade?
BUSH: Well, I can tell you that when Harriet Miers rules on abortion, she's not gonna replace Congress as the supreme legislative body in the nation, that's for sure. She's not even gonna replace the Senate. She might - MIGHT - replace the House Rules Committee. But that's it.
FB: Okay, how about... if Harriet Miers was a first-trimester fetus, and you were a president, would you appoint her to the court if you knew she would let somebody abort herself?
BUSH: Tell ya what. How bout we bring Harriet Miers out here so she can answer you herself?
FB: Hey, that's a great idea!
BUSH: This should just take a minute or two. (GEORGE BUSH exits. After a while, HARRIET MIERS enters.)
FB: Hey there Harriet Miers! We're so glad you could come!
HARRIET MIERS: Great to be here, Fafnir. Always a pleasure.
FB: Now, some people are sayin you're not qualified to be on the Supreme Court. What do you say to that?
MIERS: That's just elitism, Fafnir. Harriet Miers is plenty qualified. Real smart. Friend of the president. Won't legislate from the bench.
FB: Well, first off let me say I'm pretty relieved that you've confirmed reports that you will not legislate from the bench. Movin on, you're a good friend of the president, and on the court you'd have cases where you'd have to rule for him or against him. Do you there could be a conflict of interest there?
MIERS: Well that's just crazy, Fafnir. As a personal friend of the president, I know more about presidents than most people. I have to rule on the president's powers, I can call 'im up and say, "Hey, Mr. President, do you have the constitutional authority to indefinitely detain prisoners without due process?" And he'll say "You bet."
FB: Gee, I never thought about it like that! It's kinda like havin your own personal expert who isn't you.
MIERS: God knows I'm gonna need one.
FB: Waaaait a minute. Mr. President?
GEORGE BUSH: (removing wig) Okay, okay, ya got me. What was it? Was it the dress?
FB: Mr. President, I gotta go.
BUSH: No, wait, we can still do this! You like puppets, right? How bout you ask me questions and Harriet the Hand Puppet here answers 'em!
FB: Mr. President, I got stuff to do.
BUSH: Hey Harriet, can I torture people? "S'alright!" S'alright? "S'alright!"
FB: I got all these socks to wash.
BUSH: Man, I love that one.
posted by fafnir at 4:58 PM