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Thursday, August 25, 2005
FAFBLOG: So what's up, Democrats?
JOE BIDEN: What's up is the war in Iraq, which is terribly mismanaged, Fafnir. FB: Oh wow! Are you guys against the war, too? JOE LIEBERMAN: Oh no, we're not AGAINST the war! HARRY REID: We're all FOR it! BIDEN: It's the best worst idea in the world, and we're gonna run with it to victory! HILLARY CLINTON: Watch me eat a bug! FB: So we can actually win the war! That's great news! LIEBERMAN: Yes! REID: Sort of! BIDEN: Maybe! CLINTON: I can wrestle a buffalo! FB: I'm confused. REID: The problem is troop levels, Fafnir. The US invaded without enough boots on the ground! LIEBERMAN: Just another couple hundred thousand soldiers on the ground and hey, we should have this thing wrapped up in no time! BIDEN: Just like I told George Bush all along! I told him in the Oval Office, "You're gonna go in without enough troops and you're not gonna plan for the occupation and it's gonna be the biggest mistake of your presidency and I'm gonna vote for it!" FB: Wow, that all seems so prescient. BIDEN: And then Batman jumped in through the window and said "Senator, the Justice League needs you right away!" and I said "Shut up and move, rich boy, we've got a moon to save!" CLINTON: I have eaten the heart of a gorilla! FB: So how come you guys voted for the war if the president was gonna screw it up? REID: We were misled! LIEBERMAN: We were deceived! BIDEN: We were given the impression that the war was actually a match of bareknuckle fisticuffs between a mustachioed Brooklyn brawler and a plucky midget Irishman! CLINTON: Wanna see me punch out a yak? 'Cause I will! FB: Will the lies never end. But where will we get the troops from now, Democratic Party? Aren't we runnin out of em? REID: We've used up plenty of REAL troops, sure, but what about FAKE troops? Why isn't the military pounding the streets looking to recruit new mannequins, crash-test dummies and hand puppets? LIEBERMAN: Our nation's rich supply of blow-up dolls has barely begun to be explored for national security purposes. BIDEN: To say nothing of our nation's patriotic trained seal and dolphin population! When will the Pentagon deploy the 101st Fighting Shamu Brigade? CLINTON: I can tear a boulder in half with my teeth! FB: Yknow you're right! An that's not even countin what our friends in the fungus kingdom could do. LIEBERMAN: And you know, Fafnir, if we could train the Iraqi forces to replace our forces more efficiently, we could end the occupation that much faster. FB: That's such a great idea I can't believe nobody's thought of it before! How do we do that? REID: Voodoo! LIEBERMAN: Santeria! BIDEN: Giant samurai robots piloted by magical fairy children! CLINTON: If elected I promise to rampage through New York City and swat biplanes from the top of the Empire State Building until my grisly and untimely demise! FB: Now I like everything I've heard so far today but for some crazy reason most Americans think we should just start pullin our troops OUT of Iraq. Are most Americans crazy? REID: They're not crazy, Fafnir. LIEBERMAN: They're just weak, willing to expose America's flabby underbelly to the curved scimitars of a thousand swarthy terrorists. BIDEN: We can't blink, man! That'd be like... like losing an arm-wrestle to Allah or something! Game over, man! Then they know we're pussies! CLINTON: I will go back in time and become Richard Nixon and lose the Vietnam War twice as hard as anybody! FB: Yknow you guys got tons a great ideas but you won't be able to do anything with em unless you win some elections again. How're you gonna do that? REID: By listening carefully to the American people, and then ignoring them. LIEBERMAN: By forcefully arguing against the direction George Bush is taking this country! BIDEN: Just before we vote for it again. FB: Thanks, everybody! It's always great to hang out at the Democratic Party. CLINTON: Clinton strongest one there is! Labels: interviews, the party party
posted by fafnir at 4:03 PM
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