Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Senator Durbin:

Last week, you had the nerve to compare torture conducted by America's brave men and women in uniform to torture conducted by Nazis, Soviets, and Khmer Rouge, and today you finally apologized. As well you should have: that comment was offensive. Deeply offensive. Many of the proud men and women at Guantanamo were deeply upset by it, shaking with anger, fear and doubt as they kicked naked men in the ribs and released the dogs. One soldier could hardly muster up the morale to brain a prisoner and stuff his semi-conscious head into a toilet bowl. But they found the strength and resolve to keep going, senator. Because they aren't torturing for Nazis or communists or some third world hellhole. Those boys are torturing for the stars and stripes, senator - and don't you forget it.

But the men and women in the United States military don't just learn how to twist arms into stress positions and chain detainees to the ceiling. They also learn to forgive. And they've decided to forgive you, senator.

On behalf of all the torturers working hard today in the United States military, the Medium Lobster would like to say: apology accepted, Senator Durbin.

The boys in the 101st Thumbscrew Division would accept your heartfelt concession personally, but they're busy serving the highest ideals of their country, beating a young Afghan man tied to the floor in his own feces. He is believed to be either a steadfast and vicious enemy of freedom intent on the murder of thousands of American citizens, or another cab driver. It's so hard to keep track these days.


posted by the Medium Lobster at 2:35 PM



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