Monday, April 18, 2005
FAFBLOG: So, how's things, Tom Delay?
TOM DELAY: Terrible, Fafnir. I'm a fugitive from the law... hunted by partisan Democrats obsessed with my capture and accused of killing my own wife!
FAFBLOG: Oh no! We have to team up an find the real culprit an clear your good name!
TOM DELAY: Well, actually I did kill my wife. But is it really that big a deal when you consider how many Democrats have killed their wives?
FAFBLOG: Wow, really? How many?
TOM DELAY: Tons, Fafnir. Senators like, y'know. Demmy McDemocrat. Annnd... Lefty J. Liberal. And Ted Kennedy. Yeah, probably him too.
FAFBLOG: Not Senator McDemocrat! I believed in him, Tom Delay. I believed in him so much.
TOM DELAY: Well, it's just the way business gets done on the Hill, Fafnir. You just have to grow up and accept that wives get killed - on both sides of the aisle, by many people who aren't me.
FAFBLOG: This is just terrible Tom Delay! If there's so much wife-killin goin on in Congress maybe Congress should investigate all the wife-killers.
TOM DELAY: Now whoah there! We don't wanna get crazy here, grinding Congress to a halt with all kinds of "investigations"! I mean, if we went around rooting out every fraud, felony, and crime committed by our leaders, where would we be?
FAFBLOG: You're right, Tom Delay. We can't let clean government get outta hand.
TOM DELAY: Besides, it'd just be giving these partisan witch-hunters exactly what they want: to silence me and prevent me from rescuing America from the greatest threat it's seen in its history.
FAFBLOG: I'm scared! Is it communists? Is it nazis? Is it - oh no! - communazis?
TOM DELAY: It's an independent judiciary, Fafnir. From what I've managed to put together from some personal detective work, it seems that a shady character called "Chief Justice John Marshall" seems to have created it out of nothing using something called "judicial review" - and I was never informed!
FAFBLOG: That's terrible - what would the Founding Fathers say.
TOM DELAY: They'd be ashamed, Fafnir. The Founding Fathers never intended the judicial branch to have actual power. They meant them to be harmless fat men in funny black dresses. Now the judicial branch is monstrously swollen beyond control! In fact, I have reason to believe that these judges are behind all of my current problems, cleverly working with Democrats and the liberal media to trick me into committing massive fraud and ethics violations!
FAFBLOG: Is there nothing they won't stoop to make you stoop to for their petty partisan gain!
TOM DELAY: No. But I still have to fight for what's right the only way I can: by latching onto my power base with the death grip of a rabid hyena and leeching it for everything it's got.
FAFBLOG: Leech on, proud sir. Leech on.
posted by fafnir at 7:38 PM