Monday, March 7, 2005

dubya tee eff“God dammit!” says Chris Matthews tossin papers left an right in righteous indignation! “I can’t go on the air with this! I asked for triple-sourced, not double-sourced!”
“But Mr. Matthews,” an aide says, “We did our best. It’s only cable.”
“No excuses!” says Chris Matthews punchin him out with a bust of H. L. Mencken! “We’re journalists. We need facts, figures, dates! All you’ve got for me is warmed-over rumor and Beltway gossip!”
“Well, maybe we can pad out the show with clips of Howard Dean screaming,” says a producer.
“Never!” says Chris Matthews throwin him out a window where he explodes! “I’m a newsman, dammit, and I’m here to inform the public about things that matter, not to pander and showboat for ratings! Now we’re gonna get out there and tell the truth!

MATTHEWS: The thing about Laura Bush is that she’s got old-style flair, that old movie star flair, like a Rita Hayworth or a Grace Kelly! Don’t you think that’s true? Don’t you think that’s part of the appeal?
GUEST: Well, maybe, but backing up to the Pentagon’s involvement in detainee abuse, the Secretary’s memo shows us just how much –
MATTHEWS: Are you tellin’ me as a man you wouldn’t hit that if you had the chance? ‘Cause I’m tellin’ you I would! Take a look at those gazongas! Can I still say “gazongas” or is that not “P.C.” these days?
GUEST: I… I really don’t know.
MATTHEWS: We’re outta time! When we come back: is Michael Jackson’s penis destroying the Democratic Party? Ron Reagan Jr. and Howard Fineman will be here!

“The message got out,” says Chris Matthews. “We told the Truth. But will the people listen?” Only time will tell… time, and Chris Matthews, Star Reporter!

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posted by fafnir at 9:06 PM




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