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Sunday, January 9, 2005
Hello there an welcome to another edition of Alberto Gonzales Versus A Baked Potato! Today we'll rate the president's nominee for attorney general against a plump oven-hot starchy vegetable.
BACKSTORY Alberto Gonzales: Risen from humble roots, member of oppressed minority Baked potato: member of the Solanaceae family Advantage: GONZALES EVIL Alberto Gonzales: No longer pro-torture! Still pro-omnipotent executive branch. Baked potato: Product of the corrupt agribusiness industry Advantage: POTATO USEFULNESS TO THE PRESIDENT Alberto Gonzales: Loyal Bush family retainer, but easily replaced with novelty "You da man!" talking keychain Baked potato: Delicious with steak, but even better mashed Advantage: DRAW POWERS AND ABILITIES Alberto Gonzales: Doesn't offer own legal opinions to the president, can't remember previous legal opinions for the senate, can't explain current legal opinions to anybody. Baked potato: Doesn't offer own legal opinions to the president, can't remember previous legal opinions for the senate, can't explain current legal opinions to anybody, and is covered with hot melted butter and sour cream! Advantage: POTATO Decision: POTATO Wow, we gotta say this was a real blowout in the end! We expect the president to drop Gonzales in the next coupla days an announce a baked potato as his new man in the Justice Department... unless of course President Bush has bigger ideas for our starchy jurist. Rehnquist can't hold out forever! Labels: shmorture
posted by fafnir at 4:05 PM
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