Friday, October 22, 2004
The Only Leader Who Can Protect You From Giblets
In the nonstop panic attack that is the modern American national security climate, it is difficult to see who may best lead America... difficult for stupid people! For while many things may be unclear in the heady rhetoric of the campaign season, one thing is certain: Giblets will destroy you if you do not vote for him.
An attack by Giblets is certain. It is not a question of "if" but of "when." The only question left is: which leader do you trust to handle an attack by Giblets? To respond to Giblets? To prevent or pre-empt Giblets? There is only one candidate who understands Giblets and the threat posed by Giblets my friends. And that leader is Giblets.
Other candidates believe that Giblets can be handled with "police operations" or "reduced to nuisance levels." Giblets knows better. Giblets knows Giblets is not a metaphor. Giblets is a threat to Western civilization - a threat to freedom itself! - that only Giblets can curtail. Only Giblets can protect America from Giblets because only Giblets "gets" Giblets. Giblets is a massive world-endangering force of nature and to turn back the force of this awesome Gibletsian tide America must turn... to Giblets.
How serious are John Kerry and George Bush about protecting America from Giblets? As a senator John Kerry voted to cut two billion weapons systems that could have protected America from the impending Gibletsian attack. As president George Bush has set aside no money for counter-Giblets programs. And over the last year of campaigning neither one has mentioned Giblets in a major address except to note that he is "very short."
One candidate is taking Giblets - and the threat of Giblets - seriously. One candidate knows that if Giblets's rivals are elected president he could transform into a pack of ravenous wolves and eat your children. And that candidate is Giblets.
Does America really want to invite certain Gibtastrophe upon itself by electing candidates who are unprepared to lead them against Giblets? Giblets doesn't think so. And that is why America must elect Giblets, and his running mate, Giblets: for security. For safety. For victory.
And then, once he is elected, Giblets can destroy you all.
Giblets endorses Giblets.
posted by Giblets at 11:56 PM