Friday, October 15, 2004

Counter-Counterpoint: Giblets Will Destroy You

Voting? Ha! Giblets cares not for voting one way or another! Go into your little booth! Punch your little chads! Walk away thinking "Oh I have done my civic duty! Oh I am fat and stupid! Oh I smell like a ham!" In the end your precious little vote will be meaningless because Giblets will destroy you.

On November 3rd Giblets will seize control of the United States the sheer primal force of his Gibletsian will and toss it onto his pile of conquered nations! All who defy Giblets will be rounded up by his mighty Giblobot servants as enemies of Gibletocracy and locked within the Fortress of Insolence, where they will be beaten with rods and scoured with flames and forced to watch other people eat delicious cookies while goin "Boy these are delicious cookies! Do you have any delicious ice cream to go with these delicious cookies? Why I think these are the most delicious cookies ever!"

Old rivals of Giblets's will be punished and tormented in a cruel and ironic manner! George W. Bush will be sentenced to a lifetime of cleaning out stables of corpulent war-hippos at Giblets's rustic Texas ranch! John Kerry will be forced to maintain international relations throughout Giblets's grand coalition by serving as a UN bicycle messenger boy! Ralph Nader will be allowed to roam free, where his constant assertions that Giblets is no worse than the Democratic Party will serve to torture Giblets's few remaining enemies even more!

As for you, the voter? You will be forced to bow. To bow before Giblets. Those who do not bow will be destroyed - crushed under tons of war-hippo dung!

But all this can be avoided. Avoided by voting for Giblets.

Those who vote for Giblets will be rewarded in the new Gibletsian order! For although you will be enslaved along with your fellow citizens you will be rewarded mightily by demonstrating your allegiance to Giblets! Rewarded with a special position as a Slave-Plus. You will get easy work in Giblets's palaces: dancing for Giblets, bowing for Giblets, putting on puppet shows for Giblets! Think of how good you will have it! All of your friends will look at you and go "Now there's an up-and-comer! No salt mines for him!"

And you will live in luxurious, opulent non-torment the rest of your days. Until you anger Giblets.

And then Giblets will destroy you.

Labels: point counterpoint countercounterpoint

posted by Giblets at 6:14 PM

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