Thursday, September 30, 2004
Silly Paul Krugman, gettin all worked up about how cable spin will decide how the debates turn out! Our independent news media will do the full objective investigative reportin they always do, an we know this at Fafblog cause we have used the Fafblog Time Machine to cover the debate with our media's best an brightest before it even happens!
FAFBLOG: Wow that was a great debate! What did you think, Future Chris Matthews?
FUTURE CHRIS MATTHEWS: A slam dunk for the president, no contest! He knocked this one outta the park!
FUTURE BOB SCHNEIDER: I gotta agree with Future Chris, the president came out swinging on this one and he didn't let up! And John Kerry just gave us the usual rambling confusion that's left his campaign floundering for the last couple months!
FAFBLOG: Wow, an here I thought he was nervous an stuttering an naked! When did you guys think he clinched it tonight?
FUTURE MATTHEWS: Oh, he was on the ball from when he first stepped out on stage and announced his New Clothes Initiative! It was direct, it was forceful, it was optimistic. That's the kinda president Americans want on their TV screens!
FUTURE SCHNEIDER: And notice all Kerry had to fall back on was negativity. "Where are these new clothes, nobody can see them, the president's naked, the president has a small penis." This isn't what voters wanna hear!
FUTURE TIM RUSSERT: You're right, it's not! And once again it's Kerry taking just another position on the same issue. Yesterday Kerry was saying George Bush was wearing a suit and a tie, but tonight when he's wearing a special multi-billion-dollar invisible suit now he's naked? Voters don't follow this kind of nuance!
FAFBLOG: It's very true, it turns my little brain to mush! But was the president naked tonight?
FUTURE MATTHEWS: Well that's the beauty part! The president turned it right around and said "My opponent wants to attack my fine American clothes, but his are shabby and made in France." He sticks to playing offense! It's not "Why am I naked?" It's "Why do you dress like crap?" You've gotta admire that!
FUTURE RUSSERT: That's right, brilliant strategy on the president's part, and it just goes to show that the Republicans have got a much better team coaching their guy here! Always stay on message, always push it back at the other guy!
FUTURE SCHNEIDER: And it raises a valid question, which is where did Kerry get that awful suit from? Was it from France?
FAFBLOG: That's a good point, it does look kinda French! An here I was starin at a naked president the whole time! Any criticisms of President Bush tonight?
FUTURE SCHNEIDER: My number one criticism of George Bush was that he actually let Kerry off on a number of places. For instance, given that the president had already explained that his magical suit could only be seen by true American patriots, and John Kerry said he could see the president naked, that pretty much means either John Kerry's not a patriot, or he's not American! So which one is it, senator?
FUTURE MATTHEWS: Ha ha! Good one! Maybe all that cheap french silk's got to him!
FUTURE RUSSERT: Or that tan!
FUTURE MATTHEWS: Ha HA! I love you Tim.
FAFBLOG: Alright thank you so much for bein with us, future media commentators! Be with us tomorrow when we will continue our future post-debate coverage by askin the question "Was the president's exposed penis actually much larger than John Kerry claimed it was?"
FUTURE ROBERT NOVAK: My sources tell me the president's penis is over fifty feet long and constructed entirely of high-tensile steel.
Labels: amused to death
posted by fafnir at 9:11 AM