Monday, September 27, 2004

As Giblets types he is ensconced within his new Gibletsian pleasure palace, oiled and fed succulent delicacies by ornamental jewel-bedecked slaves of various genders and sexual orientations. When he is finished his thousand servants shall bring one of the world's last remaining pandas and boil it in gold for Giblets's dining pleasure!

How has Giblets finally found himself in the hedonistic luxurious pleasure-garden he always so richly deserved? Because Giblets is a blogger, that is how - and as a blogger he rides the electric current of The Now, the young and nubile energy of The New Medium coursing from his fingertips at lightning speed as he cripples the dinosaurs of Old Media forever with the pure power of his fresh, unencumbered take on today's events! We dance round the bloated beached corpse of CBS, plunge in our spears, and smear its blood upon our faces in celebration of the war hunt! HI-YIYIYIYIYI!

"But Giblets," you say because you are a fool who does not know the Unbridled Power of Blog, "blogs have yet to make or break a single story on their own; in fact they have only gotten mainstream attention thrown onto one story with the help of Matt Drudge." To which Giblets responds: listen Old Media fossil! Stay outta Giblets's way! You are a fat bald bloated newspaper person made of newspaper and he is a svelte thirty-year-old sexpot typing on a computer that you're too old to understand, old man! All you can do is "investigate" "news." Giblets comments upon it with the speed of writing!

And Giblets does not care that his recklessly fevered postings may not be as reasoned or sedate as the commentary of William Safire or Chris Matthews or retain the journalistic integrity of Judith Miller or Robert Novak! Giblets is an unhinged cyclone of runaway electronic opinion and nothing can stand in his way!

Now Giblets will return to the world that his illustrious blogging success has brought him: life as an unending rap video, surrounded by polished mansions, swimming pools in limousines and limousines in swimming pools, endless bouncing buttocks, and improbable amounts of tacky yet expensive jewelry. Bow before the Blogosphere! Bow before the Blogosphere NOOOOOOOOW!


posted by Giblets at 6:48 AM



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