Tuesday, August 3, 2004

So a buncha whiney whiners are whining about how "oh the cable networks didn't cover our convention coverage they only showed a couple minutes of Former World Leader Blah Blah Blah talkin and then they cut away to the much more amusing and telegenic Sean Hannity" well y'know what, Giblets doesn't care. Giblets of course had to sit through these speeches in person* when he covered it last week with his mad journalism skillz and if pundits could have jumped in and interrupted then Giblets would have appreciated it greatly. Is it informative? Giblets does not care. It is entertaining.

Giblets doesn't want facts and updates and in-depth coverage. He wants explosive clashes of mighty titanic forces, like Hannity versus things that look like Hannity with some Colmes in the background! Giblets does not want to see our leaders talk and blither about policy and their plans for the future! He wants to see Bill O'Reilly gettin' red and splotchy while he yells over someone else in the background for bein' a liberal anti-American hatemonger! And Chris Matthews... oh, Chris Matthews! How did Giblets ever survive without Chris Matthews reducing world events to a stream-of-consciousness babble about how Ruth Bader Ginsburg is a hot Hollywood starlet from the fifties with gams that could melt an iceberg?**

The best part is that more people become engaged in politics when they are presented in an entertaining and shallow light. For instance Giblets never cared much about political corruption in say the Reagan Administration because that was most about borin' ol' death squads and borin' ol' funding of terrorists. But when it was explained to Giblets later on that political corruption was really about naughty things you do with cigars Giblets was all over that shit!

So shut up, whiney people, and let Giblets have his fun. I will take my entertainment over your informed citizenship any day.

*at least Giblets heard some of them. Giblets spent much of the convention under a table in a bowl of taco dip.

**if it wasn't for Bill O'Reilly and Larry King and Chris Matthews, Giblets would never be able to take the news! Why he might think he was livin' in some distorted caricature of America commanded by a cluelessly amoral administration which embraces a dangerously expansive view of executive power and a tendency to conflate strength and determination with the wearing of large white hats. Whew! Now that would be crazy!


posted by Giblets at 3:17 PM



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