Monday, July 26, 2004
We are currently waitin to get into the Democratic National Convention in Boston but there has been a slight hold-up as Giblets has been stopped by security tryin to sneak in as luggage. "Giblets defies credentials!" says Giblets to security. "Credentials are insolent!"
In the meantime here is an interview we did a couple days ago with doctor an Family Research Council family expert Dr. James Dobson on a vital matter of national importance.
FAFBLOG: Well Dr. James Dobson it has been a while since we had our last interview an in between the Ban Gay Marriage Amendment Amendment failed. How you been since then?
JAMES DOBSON: Just terrible, Fafnir. Because of the weakness and corruption of the United States Senate, I have been forced to become gay.
FB: Oh no!
JD: I'm afraid it's true, Fafnir. I now spend my nights in a ball gag and a chastity cage while Gary Bauer whips me from behind in his skintight leather bodice.
FB: That is terrible news Doctor James Dobson! Not only has gay marriage forced you to become gay, it has made you a bottom!
JD: And that's not the worst of it. Pat Robertson changed his name to "Trixie" and is giving handjobs in Tiajuana for five bucks a pop. Bill Bennet is a ponyboy in San Francisco. No one's seen Jerry Falwell since the FMA was killed, but there've been sightings of a heavy-set post-op tranny with three breasts, a chimpanzee sex slave, and a fiery Southern oratorial style along the backroads of Central Virginia.
FB: But how did all of this happen Dr. James Dobson?
JD: Well, it's all very simple. The legality of gay marriage sent out powerful shockwaves of destructive gay energy throughout hetereosexuality. Without an amendment to the constitution specifically barring homosexuals from obtaining marriage rights, this destructive Gay Force rampaged throughout the Traditional Family Nexus, corrupting it and turning thousands of upright, decent, missionary-position-loving straight couples into deranged, out-of-control mutant gay perverts.
FB: This is horrible! What in your scientific opinion as a doctor can we do to stop this?
JD: Well, humanity's only hope at this point lies in the Marriage Protection Act, which would strip federal courts of the ability to review the constitutionality of the Defense of Marriage Act. That way if the draconian anti-gay laws we need turn out to be unconstitutional, we'll never know, because the courts won't be able to stop them.
FB: Wow! Yknow when you think about it you could probably pass all kindsa crazy jurisdiction-stripping laws an it'd be almost as good as havin an amendment, only much easier!
JD: Really? I hadn't thought of that.
FB: Well Dr. James Dobson we have to go. Good luck with saving marriage!
JD: It may be too late for that, Fafnir. But pray for my soul as Rexella Van Impe pounds me in the ass with a strap-on.
FB: We will Dr. James Dobson. We will.
posted by fafnir at 7:53 PM
My favorite Fafblog post of all time. I read it whenever I'm feeling down, and then I'm all smiles again. Thanks!