Saturday, May 15, 2004

How can America effect a swift and stable handover of power to a sovereign Iraqi government? What changes to its current Iraq policy must be implemented to minimize the terrible losses of blood and treasure it has so far endured, and maximize the new Iraq's chances of success? As with all things, the Medium Lobster holds the answer: in order to change its policies for the better, America must stay the course, and make no change at all.

If your President has lead you into an ever-deepening quagmire in a strategically-questionable war, re-elect him. If your Secretary of Defense's technocratic fantasies have left your occupation force undermanned and unsupplied, retain him. If your military leaders have allowed an atmosphere of gross physical and sexual abuse to flourish, praise them. And if you meet the Buddha on the road, and if he and his militia of fanatics have seized the holy cities of Najaf and Karbala, let him kick around for a good couple months.

Few but the enlightened will understand the pearls of wisdom the Medium Lobster now generously extends, but in the hopes that someday you, dear reader, may sip even once and briefly, from the celestial cup of true awareness, I present to you the following, for recitation and meditation:

Bush-tzu and the fishes
One day Bush-tzu and another monk were walking along a riverbank. "How terrified the fishes are of weapons of mass destruction!" Bush-tzu exclaimed. "You are not a fish," the monk said. "How do you know whether or not the fishes are terrified of weapons of mass destruction?" "You are not me," Bush-tzu said. "How do you know that I do not know that the fishes are terrified of weapons of mass destruction?" Years later, the monk was enlightened.

Ailes's Zen
One day, Ailes received one of Hofuku's disciples and asked him, "How does your teacher instruct you?" "My teacher instructs me to shut my eyes and see no evil thing; to cover my ears and hear no evil sound; to stop my mind-activities and form no wrong ideas," the monk replied. "I do not ask you to shut your eyes," Ailes said, "but you do not see a thing. I do not ask you to cover your ears, but you do not hear a sound. I do not ask you to cease your mind-activities, but you do not form any idea at all." Years later, the monk was enlightened.

Cheney's Mu
One day a troubled monk approached Cheney, intending to ask the master for guidance. A dog walked by. The monk asked, "Does that dog have Buddha-nature?" Cheney shot him. Years later, the monk was enlightened.

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posted by the Medium Lobster at 10:44 PM



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