Saturday, May 29, 2004

JESUS CHRIST is the author of a number of popular self-help books and recipe collections. He lives in Berkeley with his wife and their three children.

FAFBLOG: This is a really delicious corndog Jesus.
JESUS CHRIST: Yeah, I like corndogs.
FB: Y'know I heard that in California they have these corndog stands where they will make a corndog for you right there, fresh on a stick, and it is a fresh corndog, and it is the most delicious thing in the world?
JC: That's gotta be a damn tasty corndog.
FB: It is the Shangri-la of all corndogs. Now Jesus what do You think about gay marriage?
JC: In my time I was strongly opposed to the practice of divorce. Divorce is rampant in America between heterosexual couples. I don't understand how barring more couples from marrying is "defending" marriage.
FB: That sounds kinda squishy Jesus.
JC: Maybe it is.
FB: Intelligent Design is the latest hippest craze sweepin our schools. Should we replace teachin natural selection with Intelligent Design, or teach them both next to each other?
JC: I think natural selection itself seems like a pretty intelligent design.
FB: You are not givin me a lot of red meat here Jesus.
JC: I'm sorry.
FB: You would never make it on Hardball is all I'm sayin. Jesus who do You like in the next election?
JC: I really don't like giving political endorsements, Fafnir.
FB: C'mooooon Jesus! I wanna know who God wants me to voooooote for!
JC: I'd rather not. I'm actually a big supporter of the separation of church and state. Give unto Caesar that which is Caesar's, and give unto God that which is God's.
FB: Does that which is God's include a preference for John Kerry's veep pick?
JC: No.
FB: Awwwww.
JC: Y'know, Fafnir, a lot of people really got the wrong idea about me when I came here. They thought I was all about gaining temporal power, about building a kingdom on earth. But it was the devil who offered me the opportunity to rule the world, and I turned that down. I told my followers that I wasn't there to build an empire, but even after I died they fought wars to expand empires that ruled in my name.
FB: So what is Your position on the Iraq war Jesus? Does the Holy Spirit have an exit strategy?
JC: I think you're missing the point. Acquiring earthly power for the sake of the church, making laws in my name - it's the last thing I want. I told them my kingdom was not of this world.
FB: Is it on the moon?
JC: It's -
FB: 'Cause we're goin to the moon again Jesus!
JC: [sighs]
FB: It'll be awesome!
JC: Yes, Fafnir. My kingdom is on the moon.
FB: That's so great! Jesus and the moon, together at last. Are there robots in the kingdom of heaven, Jesus?
JC: Sure. Why not.


posted by fafnir at 4:46 AM



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