Thursday, April 8, 2004
There has been a lot of talk about God lately. He has his own Supreme Court case. He has his own movie and action-adenvture fiction series. He had that cool idol thing to the Ten Commandments that people in Alabama could pray to to get their parking tickets reduced! For a high-profile celeb he has been getting pretty good press except for yknow the holy wars and clashes of civilizations East and West and whatnot. So I decided it was time for Fafblog to drop by and interview God again.
FAFBLOG: So who do you like in the Holy War God?
GOD: I like the atheists.
FB: And college basketball?
GOD: I still like the atheists.
FB: So lets talk about your current projects. What is new for God?
GOD: Thy God has just worked out a covenant most holy with McDonald's. Behold the McGod™ Chicksandwich with Divine Sauce, in whom I am well-pleased. Appearing nationwide in participating locations this summer.
FB: I dunno if that's a good idea God. What with the high obesity rate and all...
GOD: First you drive God from His courthouse, then you would drive Him from His sandwich? Thou shalt not chase thy God from the public sphere!
FB: I'm sorry God! I'm sure it is a very tasty sandwich.
GOD: It is more than tasty. It is a Godly sandwich, because it has the God™ brand name! Eat your Godwich.
FB: I cant God. I am a vegetarian.
GOD: Eat your God now! Supersize Him! He comes with a GigantoCoke and a Superbloat order of Godly fries!
FB: Godly fries look suspiciously like curly fries.
GOD: Curly fries are merely curly. Godly fries carry the transcendent and incomprehensible mystery and grace of an omniscient, omnipotent, omnibenevolent being.
FB: Okay God lets move on from the sandwich and talk about some other things. There is a big debate about gay marriage in America, where is God on that?
GOD: I also have a new TV series coming out this fall: God: Special Crime Investigations! Jerry Orbach plays the hard-nosed tough-talking cop who's seen it all. I play the all-powerful end-all and be-all of the cosmos who dishes out Judeo-Christian justice in a surprisingly ferocious yet approachably non-denominational manner!
FB: You see God this is why I don't come to visit as much anymore. We used to talk about the transcendence of the spirit and the healing power of forgiveness and now you just plug your commemorative coins and your appearance on The View.
GOD: The Lord thy God must keep name rebranding to sustain dominance in a competitive market.
FB: Even so I feel something is somehow missing. Where is the concern for the little people? Where is the love for Glofish?
GOD: All things and concepts will eventually become worthy of God branding. Yea, as you do unto the coin and the hamburger and the glofish, so you do also unto Me.
FB: I like that. That's a lot better.
GOD: And unto God's merchandising empire.
FB: That I like less.
GOD: I must depart from you now, to negotiate the rights for The Passion sequel. But know that I will be with you always, even unto the end of the ages, or at least in heavy syndication.
God is weird. But His sandwich is delicious! You can see God or something shaped like God in numerous magazines, political speeches, and TV shows all over the country.
posted by fafnir at 1:28 PM