Tuesday, February 24, 2004

This is part 5 of a part-sumpin series in which Faf travels around the World! you can read parts 1, 2, 3 and 4 too. This is cutting edge Journalism.

The first thing you notice on the moon is the junk. But not just any old junk it is moon junk! I mean we have candy wrappers and newspapers and plastic bags and old condoms on earth but they have moon wrappers and moon bags and moon condoms up there! I excitedly pick up a half-eaten McFishwich and put it in my souvenir bag for Giblets.

On the way to Moon City I was stopped by an old moon man who could see of course that I was a Norwegian-Sri Lankan who lives in America. "Oh you Norwegian-Sri Lankans who live in America," he said shaking his long blue moon beard, "how much damage you have done to us, the moon." There was nothing I could say because I knew it was true. I have tried not to eat the delicious moon juice my people have juiced from your moon, moon men! But it is just so juicy and delicious!

Indigenous moon culture has suffered ever since the first Moonstronauts landed here. While Earth culture like McDonalds and Coke and breathable air has become very popular here it has pushed out native culture like rocks, and having no air. "I miss the old days," the old moon man says. "Back when you could step out onto a clean moon on a bright afternoon and suffocate in the autumn vaccuum."

Perhaps those who have suffered the most are the moonbots. Once a proud and vibrant people with metal claws, torso lasers and a set of unique spiritual and artistic traditions, the moonbots now while away their time in moonbot ghettos making fizzy noises with their deactivated death rays. "DESTROY INTRUDER," one says sadly to me sittin on a corner sadly holding out a hat for change. "EXTERMINATE, EXTERMINATE. DESTROY INTRUDER." A small robotic tear is rolling down from its robotic eye. I know how it feels.

At Moon Square in Moon City they have the biggest McDonalds on the Moon. The McDonalds arches there are visible from earth and are sometimes mistaken for God by small children, which is understnadable, because God also circles the world dispensing hot crispy fries. But at what cost? At what cost?

"Would you like a McMoon?" says the McDonalds person. No I would not like a McMoon! I would like a real moon! But I order one anyway because it is so fried and tasty. But I will not supersize it! Oh but I do supersize it, after some prodding.

I sit on the edge of the Moon Sea and look up at the sad sad stars. Exterminate exterminate destroy all intruders indeed, gentle moon. Exterminate exterminate destroy all intruders indeed.
posted by fafnir at 11:31 AM



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