Wednesday, February 18, 2004

This is Paul Bremer. Fafblog is continuin its hard-hittin coverage of various hot spots and international points around the world, such as Canada and Israel. We at Fafblog believe the best way to learn about a place is to go there. They say that you do not know a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes. Well you cannot know shoes until a man has walked in you for a mile. And we at this blog are those shoes.

Take Iraq! Before I went there I thought it was a big ol mess filled with Kurds and Sunni Triangles and Sistanis and splodin' stuff. But boy! Iraq is so much different in person. First when I stepped off the plane I was warmly greeted by Iraqi civil administrator L Paul Bremer and his native manservant: "Whelcome, Mister Fahfner... to Eeeeraahq!" I must say that Paul Bremer bears a remarkable resemblence to Ricardo Montalban television does not do him justice.

Mr. Bremer showed me around Baghdad where much of the reconstruction is takin place. "We are often told by the media of the fighting between the Sunnis and the Shiites," the dapper Mr Bremer said pouring a glass of wine "but we are rarely told of the delight and welcome we received from Iraq's large and industrious gnome population!" It is sadly true. But there in Iraq gnomes and leprechauns and even the gelfling populace have put aside their generations-old differences and embraced freedom! Why you cannot walk through a Baghdad marketplace without a round dozen pixies offering you to eat their delicious chocolate-coated brains as thanks for liberation.

The first question you of course ask is "Are we making all that much progress in Iraq Fafnir." And I have to say yes we are. The rebuilding of schools, the police force made of candy, the increase in the magical Wish Fish population. But the more important question is "What is the appeal of Iraq! Why are so many thousands of tourists flocking here in such great numbers?" To start with the country is made of ice cream! Tasty, strategically vital ice cream. Second: cheap magic carpets. Third: the world's biggest walrus! Fourth -

"Oh no!" says my Wish Fish before I have the chance to use it to wish for what I really want, which is a giant balloon shaped like a moose which can fly me around the world at the speed of sound. "Sandworms!"

Oh no! Sandworms! We are under attack!
posted by fafnir at 7:19 PM



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