Tuesday, July 5, 2005

Last week Lawrence O'Donnell revealed that he, along with "too many people," had known for some time that Karl Rove had leaked the identity of a covert CIA agent to get back at her whistleblower husband. Like any good member of the press, O'Donnell sat on this information for months to protect the sanctity of reporter-reporter privilege.

As it turns out, there are quite a few criminals and potential criminals in the administration the media would tell you about - if only it could. Sadly, because the media adheres to the very strictest of ethical codes, these felons can never be exposed. As a member of the press, the Medium Lobster has taken it upon himself to list a few of these senior administration officials and the moral quandaries which prevent your press corps from revealing them to you. Names have been changed to protect the guilty.

Who We're Not Reporting On: "Fat Albert"
What We're Not Reporting: authorized torture to spite annoying co-worker
Why We're Not Reporting It: friend's wife knew uncle of source's illegal immigrant nanny - that's fifth-degree reporter-source privilege

Who We're Not Reporting On: "Deep Rumsfeld"
What We're Not Reporting: sold arms to terrorists to screw with ex-girlfriend
Why We're Not Reporting It: explained it all at the club, sounded very sympathetic

Who We're Not Reporting On: "Lewis" Libby
What We're Not Reporting: murdered sixteen people over a period of ten years as the Zodiac Killer
Why We're Not Reporting It: pinky swear from Russert; couldn't break Tiny Tim's heart

Who We're Not Reporting On: "Chick Daney"
What We're Not Reporting: vaporized tanks, biplanes, and skyscrapers with nuclear fire breath in massive rampage through Tokyo
Why We're Not Reporting It: wife makes the most delicious brownies

Who We're Not Reporting On: "President George W. Bush"
What We're Not Reporting: launched massive war of choice on false pretenses
Why We're Not Reporting It: we do what for a living?


posted by the Medium Lobster at 5:32 PM



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