Thursday, May 5, 2005

Your honor, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, pitiful subjects everywhere! These "scientists" have told you that their "theories" are fact but in reality they peddle nothing but RUMOR AND LIES! Giblets will show that there are serious FLAWS in their so-called science - gaps which they can never explain without the divine mystery of Gibletsian intervention!

"Science" says that Giblets is held to the ground by "gravity." But Giblets cannot OBSERVE gravity or reproduce in a lab. Giblets has a much simpler alternative theory: that he is held to the earth's surface by his sheer force of will, and unlike universal gravitation, Giblets sees himself all the time. What do you have to say to THAT, science!

Behold this jello pudding! See how it sticks to the spoon even when it is turned upside down, in defiance of all your "science"! Can your "gravity" explain that? Well maybe Giblets doesn't care.

Is this a picture of a vase, or a picture of two faces next to each other? If a tree falls on top of you but crushes your ears, does it make a sound? If you're so smart why aren't you rich? These are true mysteries - cosmic mysteries your pitiful science can never answer! But Giblets can... and he will.

You can accept your moldy old science with its unanswered questions and stupid bland facts and its "rigorous analytical processes." Or you can accept Giblets, who will provide you with the answer to all the mysteries of the universe,1 and save you the cost of funding NASA and the National Science Foundation to boot.

1. Answer: "Because Giblets said so."


posted by Giblets at 8:49 PM



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