Wednesday, September 28, 2011

"Now is there any new business," says Giblets.
"Well the boat's sinking," says me.
"Giblets seems to recall that coming up at the last meeting," says Giblets, "which would make that old business."
"Well it's more sinking-er than it was last time," says me. "That's kind of new."
"And under Old Business we agreed to form a Boat Sinking Committee to launch an investigation into the possibility of making a preliminary report on the subject of recommending the formal and official declaration of a Boat Sinking Committee," says Giblets.
"The Boat Sinking Committee has sunk," says me, "along with their half a the boat."
"Well that wraps up the old business!" says Giblets. "Who wants a grilled cheese!"
"The boat's also on fire," says me.
"Perfect," says Giblets. "The water from the sinking and the fire from the burning will cancel each other out, leaving us standing on dry land."
"I feel like there's something wrong with that but I can't put my finger on it," says me. "Because my finger would burn or drown."
"Next order of business!" says Giblets. "Should Giblets grill his grilled cheese on rye bread or cheddar cheese loaf?"
"See, I almost wonder if this isn't the time for grilled cheese," says me, "what with the burning and the sinking and all the fire coming out of the cheese grill."
"Cause cheese loaf is great by itself, but on a grilled cheese it might be overpowering," says Giblets.
"But I don't know whether to try to put out the fire or try to bail out the boat or scream and panic and scream," says me. "Come to think of it this is really the kind of discussion that calls for a Boat Burning Committee."
"Well it looks like there's no other choice," says Giblets. "The motion is for the rye. All in favor?"
"I think the Boat Burning Committee's first course of action should probably be to figure out if we're on fire now," says me. "And if so, do we Stop Drop and Roll, do we See Something Say Something, or do we Click It or Ticket?"
"In that an abstention?" says Giblets. "Cause that makes it one in favor and one abstention."
"I think we should call for a floor vote," says me. "Any seconds? Anyone?"
"Now for the new business," says Giblets. "Why's it so hot in here?"


posted by fafnir at 9:09 AM
Monday, September 12, 2011

As it happens, there's another universe in the back of the closet next to the bookshelf in the spare room. It's nearly identical to ours, except that in this universe, 9/11 never happened.* Everything else is the same: George Bush, Barack Obama, Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya, Yemen, Guantanamo, Bagram, the torture networks, the secret prisons, and on and on - but there were no planes crashed into the Twin Towers and the Pentagon, no yearly donning of sackcloth and ashes by politicians at ground zero, no annual pageants of official grief.

In describing our own universe to the natives, I attempted to explain the significance of 9/11, how it changed everything forever, but they were frustratingly unable to comprehend. The United States, they said, had spent its time killing and torturing and enslaving the world before 2001, and spent its time killing and torturing and enslaving the world afterward as well; the only difference was the loss of some three thousand souls, an evidently paltry cost given the American government's valuation of human life.

I attempted to explain the situation to them again, and felt that I was close to succeeding, but our conversation was cut off by a NATO air strike.

*Inhabitants of this universe insist that, in fact, 9/11 did happen, and does happen, once a year, every year, right after 9/10 and right before 9/12.

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posted by the Medium Lobster at 8:06 AM
Sunday, September 11, 2011

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posted by fafnir at 11:26 AM

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