Thursday, March 11, 2010

It took seven years, three trillion dollars and a million corpses, but America has finally transformed Iraq from a cruel dictatorship ruled by torture and ethnic cleansing into a cruel dictatorship ruled by torture and ethnic cleansing where select survivors are free to vote for the torturer of their choice. And Jesus said "It is accomplished!"

Is Iraq a democracy? Of course not. But is it close to becoming a democracy? Ha ha, no. But it certainly does resemble, from a distance, when we squint, the vague shape of a notion of the idea of something that contains one particular rote procedural aspect of democracy - albeit one that happens to be attached to a military dictatorship. And certainly that must be worth something. And for the sake of argument, let's say it's worth, oh, I don't know, everyone America has killed, bombed, starved, maimed and tortured in Iraq over the past two decades.

Because if it's not worth that, then that would mean the occupation of Iraq has not been a selfless nation-building project generously extended from the richest country in the world to one of the poorest, but a sustained and psychotic act of mass murder, a massive, nationwide industrial slaughter that deserves its place among history's great atrocities. And if that's the case, we might find, on closer inspection, more and more American entries in those ranks, from Iraq to Nicaragua to Chile to Vietnam to Korea to Japan to the Philippines to the Trail of Tears. And that would make the United States not an enormous force for good in the world but a monster of world-historical proportions, our leaders gore-guzzling psychopaths who wipe the blood from their chins just long enough to collect the occasional Nobel Prize, and ourselves their numbed, acquiescent followers. And we know that can't be the case, because look at all the good we're doing in Afghanistan.

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posted by the Medium Lobster at 11:03 AM

"we" fight the civilian populations over there so "we" don't have to fight us here at home. though implicit, the message is fairly clear: if us followers are any less acquiescent, the gore-guzzling psychopaths will bring their death distributors home to roost.
We wait for the day Cheney and Bush will be dropped into Baghdad, torn limb from limb and fed to the dogs.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at March 11, 2010 1:16 PM
Oh, this makes me sad. I've so enjoyed fafblog over the years, and now it's peddling "Obama = George Bush"? Time to unsubscribe, methinks, and savor the fond memories, before they're all gone.

Yes, it's sad sad sad. I'm going now. Does everyone see me going? Well I am. Going, that is.

Almost gone. I'm unsubscribing now. And I so used to enjoy fafblog. But now I'm going.

Too late to stop me. Don't even try. I'm going.

I said I'M GOING!
by Anonymous Anonymous, at March 11, 2010 1:42 PM
DEAR SIRS! Consider my subscription CANCELED!
by Anonymous moose n squirrel, at March 11, 2010 2:00 PM
You forgot Poland.
by Anonymous locust, at March 11, 2010 3:41 PM
You mean that all isn't well and good now and through history even though we elected a Democrat?

I thought that once we had our preferred flavor of corporate owned politicians that it would be all puppies and unicorns and soft things forever.
This is simply unacceptable! Pope Nixon was promised that everything would be perfect forever once the President had a D in front of his name instead of an R, and eternal perfection is what His Holiness demands! Immediately!
by Anonymous Pope Horatio Tyrannosaurus Nixon Rex, at March 11, 2010 6:27 PM
Eh, let's face it: this blog does kind of suck now. The world changed, but the schtick didn't. It used to be biting and satirical. Now it's just screechy and dull.

Meanwhile, the much less talented writers who comprise the blog's comment section continue to heap praise on one another for being in on the joke.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at March 11, 2010 10:38 PM
Just you wait, Monsieur Lobster, till Mark Thiessen, he of the vastly more paid status, debates you - On air, no less! Where? Not sure.

by Anonymous Anonymous, at March 11, 2010 10:38 PM
The world changed, but the schtick didn't.

And oh, how the world has changed! Before we had war, torture and corporate plutocracy, and now we have war, torture and corporate plutocracy with a superior graphic design sense.
Medium Lobster speaks the truth. There are more troops in Iraq and Afghanistan now than any time under Bush's reign. More civilians were slaughtered in Obama's first year in office than Bush's first or last. Guantanamo and Bagram have exacted even more egregious human rights violations under Democratic rule. The wealthiest plutocrats in this empire were actually taxed more by the Reagan administration than Obama's. But damn, people remain willingly entranced by 'zazzy PR...
Yeah, what's the deal with Fafblog? The world is clearly a much better place now and our multiple ongoing wars suddenly just make sense. Oh, sure, brown people are still dying in large numbers and torture has more or less been embraced as a national policy but...really, why were even against those things in the first place? I forget. It seems somehow less urgent in this sparkling new era of golden sunsets and free puppy stands on every street corner.

Anyways, this blog's shrillness is upsetting and needs to check itself if you're to continue reaping the rewards of my non-paying viewership.

Remember, 'cause this may help you in the future, you can be on one team or the other, but you have to choose one then stick with it. Otherwise who are you going to sell merchandise and ad space to?
by Anonymous Strangefate, at March 12, 2010 1:49 AM
People do tend to get upset when they're reminded that changes at the margin don't change the overall story of American foreign policy.
I agree, definitely you are rigt. That's why I felt sorry to those Iraqis.
If the world will not change, what else is a writer to do, other than to endlessly refine one's way of addressing its evil?

The Lobster has its fans, oh insolent ones. You know not of what you diss.
Oh, you nasty people who can't see that the world has changed from hopey dopey to hopey dopey, just go off somewhere and smell the sweet smell of the rotting corpses of children. Enjoy, cause reality bites. Hard.
I look forward to future installments of "this blog isn't funny anymore" over the next two-to-six years, every time someone says something mean about a Democrat.
by Anonymous moose n squirrel, at March 12, 2010 8:51 AM
What do you have against gore-guzzling psychopaths? I mean, OUR gore-guzzling psychopaths drive Priuses, not oil-guzzling SUVs, that must account for something, since gore pollutes far less than oil!
by Anonymous Anonymous, at March 12, 2010 10:07 AM
It's important to stay the course now that we've come this far, or we make a mockery of the sacrifices of those men, women, and children who gave their lives so that they would be dead.
"but a sustained and psychotic act of mass murder, a massive, nationwide industrial slaughter that deserves its place among history's great atrocities."

FARK... I hate it when people say that.
by Anonymous Joe Blow, at March 13, 2010 12:07 AM
It is clear that the enormous pile of dead bodies DEMANDS that we keep killing more and more people and stuff them on top..

actually... we don't have to do anything now... dead bodies will pile themselves up on their own accord.

OH JOYOUS DAYS.. when piles of dead brown people make themselves.
by Anonymous Joe Blow, at March 13, 2010 12:09 AM
"There are more troops in Iraq "

factually incorrect
by Anonymous Joe Blow, at March 13, 2010 12:12 AM
Under Obama, troops in Iraq have been reduced from about 140,000 to 100,000, and troops in Afghanistan have been increased from about 30,000 to 75,000.

It's true that under Bush, there were as many as 170,000 troops occupying Iraq. So hey! that means imperialism is down ten percent, hooray.
by Anonymous Lemuel Pitkin, at March 13, 2010 11:04 AM
Whimsical fables, intriguing pictures of menacing walruses, dialogues between characters droppin their g's -

these are a few of my favorite things.

And by the way - the word verification is misspelled - you meant berate, not bereate.

But seriously, ML, good one - our friend Howard Zinn is gone, but not forgotten.
"Eh, let's face it: this blog does kind of suck now. The world changed, but the schtick didn't. It used to be biting and satirical. Now it's just screechy and dull."

The real evil is the profound stupidity/gullibility/malleability of the general public. After all, Bush/Obama/Clinton/Oprah/Jesus would only be unknown local con artists if not for their eternal enablers, the Dupey Hordes. The Dupey Hordes don't like it much when the non-Dupeys point this out, but, you know. Fuckem.
Madame, I must protest the inclusion of Korea in your list of wars-of-aggression.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at March 14, 2010 9:13 PM
We can sure dish it when it's Republicans, ride their greedy asses for faithfully boosting murderating torturers who blow their snot on the Constitution, but when it's Democratic torturating murderers wiping our gore off their chins with the Constitution... not... so... much....
Oh, enturk is much better than bowse! Dang.
Madame, I must protest the inclusion of Korea in your list of wars-of-aggression.

Really? When did Korea attack the U.S., exactly?
by Anonymous moose n squirrel, at March 15, 2010 10:23 AM
Ladies and gentlelobsters, y'all should read Joe Haldeman's The Forever War.

Wikipedia: (explains plot lower down; you were warned)

If you just want to buy it, or read the superlatives explaining why you should buy it:
I don't read Fafblog very often but I gotta say Medium Lobster has it about right.
Not funny? This is one of the most biting, darkly hilarious summations of our foreign policy I've ever read. And I read a lot!

Ah well, Obama's Wonder Children get very testy when you question the greatness of His Greatness. They are humorless as well as clueless and their little hearts get all hurt when you tell them the pony isn't really ever showing up.
by Anonymous DancingOpossum, at March 19, 2010 10:46 AM
Obama=Bush? Obama the articulate, politically right-of-center lawyer from Chicago? And the burned-out cokehead George W Bush, drunken playboy son of New England aristocrats and grandson to both Aleister Crowley and Prescott Bush. The one who couldn't get elected even with his Daddy's money, his Mommy's political skill, rigged Diebold machines, nonstop promotion by the corporate media, and the gift of Florida from his brother Jeb? Who said they were equals?
I am left breathless...
by Anonymous Anonymous, at March 23, 2010 8:34 AM
Surely, the vast topological differences that differentiate the historical processes at play in the multi-century stretch separating the Tear Trail from the punishment of Ira q or n are apparent even to a lobster... Each of the events listed had its unique pretext, war fighting technology, home front information-cohesion-modus, booster organization, etc. There is no common theme here... The world is created anew each dawn.
by Anonymous Mock Mood Subhjunkh, at March 29, 2010 6:17 PM
Sometimes you have to break a half-million eggs to make a good Freedom Omelette.

Now I'm hungry.


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