Tuesday, February 16, 2010

We know that Barack Obama, in his heart of hearts, truly wants Real Change. We can tell this by examining the furrows of his brow as he squints meaningfully into the middle distance, by carefully measuring the sincerity-per-pixel count of his campaign posters, by reflecting on the inspirational Martin Luther King quotes he delicately intones before carpet-bombing an Afghan village. But we also know that despite his best efforts, Barack Obama can't achieve Real Change, confounded as he is by such institutional barriers as Congress and the Pentagon and Barack Obama. We know, for example, that Barack Obama wants nothing less than a sweeping overhaul of America's health care system, but has been hopelessly blocked at every turn by conservative Democrats like Ben Nelson, Joe Lieberman and Barack Obama. And we know that Barack Obama did everything he could to oppose a trillion-dollar no-strings-attached bailout of a corrupt finance industry, but was helpless to stop it, boosted as it was by notorious corporate whore Barack Obama. And we know that Nobel Laureate Barack Obama is a devout lover of peace, but has been powerless to prevent the American military's rampant bloodletting throughout the Muslim world, as the nation's armed forces remain in the hands of that bloodthirsty warmonger Barack Obama.

And we know that although Barack Obama is an idealist, representing the very best and brightest of American Liberalism, he's also a hard-nosed pragmatist, willing to compromise between extremes of Left and Right, between black and white, between war and more war. That's why when the Left wanted to close Guantanamo and the Right wanted to double Guantanamo, Obama doubled Bagram instead. That's why when the Left wanted to cut greenhouse gas emissions to 350 parts per million and the Right claimed global warming was an international Masonic conspiracy, Obama bombed a village in Pakistan. And that's why when the Left wanted universal health care and the Right wanted hundreds of billions of dollars for Wall Street, a capital gains tax cut and a domestic spending freeze, Obama gave them hundreds of billions of dollars for Wall Street, a capital gains tax cut and a domestic spending freeze.

And we know that as disappointed as we might be in Barack Obama - in his little failings, in his petty slights, in his odd betrayals, in his unseemly habit of dancing naked through the streets of Oslo smeared with the blood and entrails of Afghan children - we also know that the alternative would be far worse. Why, with a Republican president, we might be at war with Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Yemen, Somalia, and possibly Iran, or facing some hideously draconian corporatist scheme to compel poor people to buy private insurance they can't afford, with a government that not only excuses the torture regimes of the past but dramatically expands them while giving itself license to murder anyone it likes anywhere on the planet. With Barack Obama, on the other hand, we have all that plus a man who can sparkle wittily on late night television. Now, I think that has to be worth at least a couple thousand dead Muslims, don't you?

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posted by the Medium Lobster at 11:42 AM

The expired mohammedans are a feature, not a bug.
by Anonymous Tongo Varga, at February 16, 2010 1:27 PM
At least a couple thousand. At least. Why, just the other day I saw him smiling on TV and I came in my shorts, right here in my home, sitting on my couch. I thought to myself, I certainly made the right choice that fateful November.
by Anonymous George Jones, at February 16, 2010 2:26 PM
you've been struck by a smooth war criminal.
God its good to be white and have all those colored-in people to do your dirty work for you.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at February 16, 2010 4:43 PM
Oh, this makes me sad. I've so enjoyed fafblog over the years, and now it's peddling "Obama = George Bush"? Time to unsubscribe, methinks, and savor the fond memories, before they're all gone.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at February 16, 2010 5:28 PM
and now it's peddling "Obama = George Bush"?

You have to admit, they do look remarkably similar from the bottom of an Afghan mass grave.
It's always a choice between a giant douchebag and a turd sandwich. And while Obama is starting to look more and more like he really is a giant douchebag, the sad reality is that the turd sandwich was even worse.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at February 16, 2010 5:39 PM
Dude, dead is dead is dead. I don't think it matters to the people Obama's slaughtering that he does it with a smiley face.
Well, with Obama when we finally bomb Iran we probably won't use nuclear weapons, so I guess that's some upside.
"We know that Bush, in his heart of hearts, truly wants to bring freedom and democracy to oppressed people by the way he chuckles and stutters while mangling another common saying before sending some taxi driver off to be tortured to death on a bunch of ginned up bullshit."
God, please, I'm ready to come on up to the house. No, I don't know where it is. I hope my pony knows the way.
by Anonymous Stogie, at February 16, 2010 9:21 PM
My life would really suck without all these light-hearted chuckles.
Like Woody Allen in Stardust Memories, I liked your earlier, funnier work.

Oh, and getting preached at, save that for the choir.
this is not Fafnir fault!!

It is the fault of .. FAFNIR!

can't you understand? Fafnir ran his blog on a platform of goodness, fairness, and, .. free cheese.

Now you've eaten the free cheese and COMPLAIN about the fairness.


blame his evil corporate twin who is whoring and eating dead kittens.
by Anonymous Joe Blow, at February 16, 2010 11:34 PM
Like Woody Allen in Stardust Memories, I liked your earlier, funnier work.

Apparently you never read their earlier, funnier work.
by Anonymous moose n squirrel, at February 17, 2010 8:25 AM
OK,let's make him a one termer, and next time let's elect a Mexican.
I agree with fafblog. Often hilarious, always dead on.
by Anonymous CassieC, at February 17, 2010 8:56 AM
I was a county delegate for Obama, after my first choice (Kucinich) was eliminated. At best, that was a complete waste of time. At worst, I'm now partly responsible for the continuation of many horrors.

The Medium Lobster is right on. Candidate Obama sounded reasonably decent. President Obama is, in some respects, a little better than the monsters who came before him. Woo-freakin-hoo. How's this for an inspiring slogan: "5% less monster-iffic than the other guy!"
by Anonymous brick, at February 17, 2010 9:31 AM
At worst, I'm now partly responsible for the continuation of many horrors.

We're all responsible, brick.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at February 17, 2010 10:03 AM
You need know only this: the Medium Lobster is right.
Speaking of Woody Allen's earlier, funnier work, he uses a line in one of his later, less funny films (in which Scarlett Johannsen appears, and has an affair with an ambitious tennis instructor - played by the same guy who was the soccer coach in Bend It Like Beckham) - life is full of sorrows - it would have been better never to have been born - but who is so lucky? Not one in ten thousand

My late father Colonel Charley donated money to the Obama campaign (despite having been a Republican for most of his long life) - I don't blame him, or brick, or Candidate Obama, for anything that has happened since the election (well, maybe Candidate Obama, a little bit) -

I blame the MICFiC - the

M ilitary
I ndustrial
C ongressional
Fi nancial
C orporate Media Complex.

With regard to who's going to clean up this mess -

a)who says it's going to be cleaned up?

b)As William James pointed out, the Universe is a Committee. We are all members. Who knows if it's good or bad?
In all fairness; nowhere in this post does the Medium Lobster equate Obama to Bush. The Medium Lobster does, however, accurately note that Obama has many notable similarities to our previous bloodthirsty corporate sell-out Republican masters.

Fair call.
The choice wasn't between a giant douchebag and a turd sandwich. Anyone would have won against the turd sandwich in that election. The real choice was much worse: giant douchebag or . . . . . . a woman.

Well, I mean, what could we do?
I blame the MICFiC - the

M ilitary
I ndustrial
C ongressional
Fi nancial
C orporate Media Complex.

I don't mean to be rude, Mistah Charley, PhD - but can you give that one up? It's never gonna fly.

Particularly when it's way easier to just call them "the scum".
by Anonymous tarjj, at February 17, 2010 8:48 PM
Preznit Hopey Changey will save us, though, because he's, like, hopey. And changey. And he sparkles when sunlight hits his chest, yes, sparkles, all cuteness like a pretty pink sparkle pony! Oh wait, wrong series of books...

- Badtux the Hopey Penguin
You must be the ghost of Joseph Heller, Mr. Lobster. No one else can be so hilarious and depressing at the same time.
tarjj - while I understand that "the scum" has more connotative "juice", I prefer "the MICFiC" for the following reasons.

The first draft of Eisenhower's 1961 Farewell Address referred to the "military-industrial-congressional" complex, and I've made it more inclusive by adding the financial and corporate media wings.

Of course, from within the MICFiC (note the non-capitalized second "i" - it makes the graphic design of the acronym more interesting, as well as easier to say) it's quite clear that there are factions and struggles. However, from outside the MICFiC, the term promotes recognition of:

the aggregation of power

the use by this complex of the governing apparatus of the Republic to promote perpetual war preparations - and actual mass murder as often as possible

its purpose - to steal from the people using the tax system, and use them as raw material

its method of mind control - the mass media's constant distraction and disinformation - on one level, for one group of people, "The Price is Right" and "American Idol" - for another group of people, smooth-talking neoconservative paranoia via PBS and NPR

No one knows what will happen next - but I was impressed by something William Black (author of The Best Way to Rob a Bank is to Own One) said in his April 3, 2009 interview with Bill Moyers:

There's a saying that we [who were working on the Savings and Loan crisis] took great comfort in. It's actually by the Dutch, who were fighting this impossible war for independence against what was then the most powerful nation in the world, Spain. And their motto was, "It is not necessary to hope in order to persevere."

That first paragraph is pretty much the funniest thing I've read this year. In fact, I was laughing all the way through this post until I reached that one comment above, with it's poster huffing and puffing about you can't dare equate Obama with Bush and how he's going to send the unused portion of your free comedy back for a full refund.

Then I just went ahead and cried.
by Anonymous Strangefate, at February 19, 2010 6:37 PM
What if the shoe was on the other foot. That foot over there on the smoldering pile of rubble. Would that former guy that foot was formerly attached to have dropped a bomb from a drone and bombed your house if he had a chance? Your darn tootin he would have. So let us celebrate the unity of mankind.
by Anonymous rapier, at February 20, 2010 10:00 AM
I demand that you acknowledge Our Savior Barack Obama's lesser-evilness or I'll, I'll just spit!
by Anonymous Anonymous, at February 23, 2010 6:20 PM
Now then, Clinton would have been exactly the same as Obama in every respect, the primary difference being that she campaigned on a promise of being exactly what Obama in fact is, while Obama did not.

Besides, any time the right is in trouble, a situation is created that is calculated to set blacks and women at odds. Don't buy into this shit.

The real question is decent human beings vs murderous corporate whores, and presidential candidates are heavily vetted with a mind to ensuring the latter.

If voting could change anything, they would have outlawed it by now.
Speaking of real change, there's been a real change of personnel among the orca trainers cadre -

by Anonymous Anonymous, at February 25, 2010 5:19 PM
Hey Fafferstein... "radical" but not *too*, okay?

Don't you know that all we want to do is back-pat ourselves, over and over again, that WE are right and THEY are wrong? Now you're saying WE are wrong? That WE are fans of the wrong pony? No: we are never wrong. That's why this post is not funny. I mean, what are you saying, that just because THEY set up a False Choice between Cool Fascists and Uncool Fascists, WE are suckers for falling for it... again and again and *again*? No, that's not funny at all.
Whatever he says just put the ball in the whole - WHATEVER HE SAYS, NO I DONT CARE JUST PUT THE BALL IN WHATEVER HE SAYS!
There are two Americas and they have two presidential races. One contest involves raising cash from the hyper-rich and the last one ended in the spring of 2008. The second contest lets the rest of us participate in choosing between the two candidates who won the first contest. See how fair that is? The second-class America gets to pick the President, while the hyper-rich America only gets to pick the candidates.
by Anonymous btr3, at March 03, 2010 1:08 AM

Pithy. Concise. Hats off.
O Shit: I meant...

"Pithy. Heavy. Hats off."

(the choice was between "pithy" and "concise")
No one is the best leader today. We better use the way the UK did.
Obama is your Tony Blair. The UK was agog at the thought of a shiny new government after years of Thatcher's goons and her incompetent successors. Look what we got.

Have fun, yo.
If only everyone had listened to Harriet Christian we wouldn't be in this mess right now.
by Anonymous WE TOLD YOU SO!!!, at July 30, 2010 11:44 AM


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