Thursday, January 21, 2010
"Yknow it's always darkest before the dawn," says me.
"Unless the sun blows up," says Giblets. "Cause now that the sun's blown up it's just always darkest before it gets more dark."
"Well I guess so," says me. "But even then you got the bright side a the sun blowin up, like no more sunburns an cheaper parkin at the beach an more job opportunities for our friends in the vampire community."
"You talk crazy talk!" says Giblets. "Vampires will never overcome the systemic racial prejudice of the wolfman-industrial complex!"
"See that's just the kinda negative-nancy gloom-and-doom-talk that got the sun blown up in the first place," says me. "Oh, the sun's too hot. Oh, the sun causes cancer. Oh, let's shoot this sun-exploding missile at the sun."
"Look, we could sit around all day pointing fingers and playing the blame game but where's that gonna get us?" says Giblets. "Blamed, that's where! What we need to do is come up with alternative sources of sun, like real big light bulbs or a cheaper more portable God or a way to set the moon on fire."
"Maybe we can rub Mercury and Venus together real fast over a big pile a sticks," says me.
"Maybe we can lure a new sun with candy and toys and stuff it into a sack and take it home," says Giblets
"Maybe we can paint a big yellow spot on the sky and nobody'll know the difference," says me.
"Maybe we don't need the stupid ol sun at all!" says Giblets. "Maybe we just need to blow up the cold, too! Giblets demands war on snow, airstrikes on glaciers, multinational economic sanctions on the stratosphere!"
"Maybe we'll just have to get along without a sun for a while," says me. "It'll be like it was in the ol days, back before we got all hung up on fancy modern conveniences like light and plants and breathable air."
"A return to simpler times," says Giblets, "like in the days of our hearty dirt ancestors."
"See, every cloud has a silver lining," says me.
"Or it would, if we hadn't blown up the clouds," says Giblets.
Labels: true adventures
posted by fafnir at 1:04 PM
Vampires, wolfmen, where's the love for the mummies? Reverse-affirmative-discrimination!
I take it this is about the Supreme Court decision?
You can gripe about it, but I know for a fact that if we hadn't blown up the sun, we'd all be sitting around here in flames one day, saying "Oh, why didn't we blow up the sun when we had the chance?" Weaklings.
"Maybe we can paint a big yellow spot on the sky and nobody'll know the difference"?
Right, like that hadn't already happened before we blew up 'the sun'.
You naive, dewy-eyed pony-fondlers.
Giblets is right! Who needs the sun when you can live inside Walmart? If you like the sun so much why don't you just shut up and move to Alpha Centauri!
Speaking of darkness, and how it's temporary (see also "All things must pass"), yesterday my beloved cat Pau died.
Verses from the original rap rhyme, "It a Great Life [always look on the bright side]" from which this was modified, can be found at
This is your Pau - what a great cat
Enjoy your Pau and love him like that
Groove with the rhythm, bopping down the block
move his paws and tail as he go hip-hop
Purr at the neighbor, purr at the sky
Life is a blessing - why ask why
Energy moving his fur and bones -
This is his life - this is his home
Something good happen - maybe soon
Maybe next week - maybe next June
Count all your blessings - let go of strife
This is your Pau - treasure his life
Yes we all grieve with you.
But, please - please never say "as he go hip-hop" again. Without a cat you are on your own.
There's just no pleasing you people. First, it's the earth is getting too warm. Then, it's, well maybe blowing up the sun wasn't the right solution. You know what you all sound like? Sun appeasers!
You'll never take out the sun. Thanks to the Supreme Court it can now influence the elections through its control of Sun Microsystems and Sunoco.
Oh yeah, the sun gives me willies, all those raging forces and impossible gravity and all. What I fear is God. Why would that nasty old she-walrus inflict an unstable fusion furnace on us in the first place? She's got lots of answer for, fat ugly bristle face God she is.
considering the sun's extensive nuclear energy production and longstanding refusal to join the Non-Proliferation Treaty, and the potential that it would eventually turn those capabilities toward a weapons program...
Hey, hey, ancient bottled sunshine for sale, over here. Get it while you can!!
Now this is the supply side economy I'm talking about.
I for one welcome our new black-sky overlords.
(Note. Although Giblets did not explicitly specify that there would be overlords, I assume they will at least have the courtesy to show up once or twice to grind our blind eyes into the black dust. Otherwise where is the interest, the passion, the freedom of this new dark life?)
I can't take what's going on. I have heard something different in my life which I cannot understnad. Something is burning inside me. Somebody help me..