Monday, December 21, 2009
AND NOW!!! THE TOP TEN THINGS!!! OF THE ZEROES!!!
"Well let's see," says me. "Number ten is... what's number ten..."
"You can't think of anything," says Giblets.
"Sure I can," says me. "I just need a little more time."
"The zeroes were stupid and awful and stupid and bad and you can't think of ten things in them that weren't," says Giblets.
"Number ten is air!" says me. "Everybody likes air. It's fun to breathe!"
"This is getting lame," says Giblets.
"Number nine is... hmmm..." says me.
"Giblets is bored," says Giblets.
"Number nine is the long-eared jerboa," says me, "for its impressively long ears."
"Giblets is going home," says Giblets.
"Number eight," says me. "Nummmmmber eight."
posted by fafnir at 8:13 PM
7 - Screaming death from above.
6 - Reconstructing household appliances so they look like they were made by Charles Babbage.
5 - Breaking the fourth wall making mockumentaries using found footage of zombie films about reality television which is all staged anyway - it's a Pomocalypse!
4. iLower case i in front of capital letter, e. e. iCummings eat your iHeart out!
3. Der Pfaffenblogger
The zeros don't count because they are after all zeros. Centuries have to get their feet under them to really get going. They are just kids just learnin things especially at the beginning when they are so cute and people are makin faces at clucking it under its fat little chins and saying stuff about what a cute little baby century it is so full of hope and bright promise. Admittedly when the toddler started pulling the wings off the flies at 3 it was a little disconcerting but we can chalk it all up to just a phase it's going through. If not it might be a very good century to be a lobster or a sponge
What Juan Cole said:
Top Ten ... About the ... Decade
darn it! I wonder what's the next seven but I was amazed as I wanted to say something here, and the next is written by the others.
I will spend New Year's Eve being thankful we have ten digits.
Lists, and talks about lists, would be shorter and likely less creative without each and every one of our wonderful numerals.
--Capt. Twelve A.M. Midnight, E.S.T., C.E.
Oh Fafnir!!! oh medium lobster!
what will the new year bring? will I be rich? will I lose 50lbs? will I promise my supporters everything and then shaft them up the butt and sell out to the insurance companies just like I planned all along?
and then sell them out on financial regulations and nukes and attack Iran and have sex with Tiger Woods?
oh tell me oh great Fafnir!!
Number Three: No one has created a thermosnuclear walrus. Yet. That we're aware of. Maybe we outta invade Walrustan, just in case.
Number Two: Pooping is still legal. In a toilet that is. People will make an unholy fuss if you do it on their hydrangeas, tulips or begonias. So I've heard.
Number One: Peeing is still not illegal. Also. Just not on a neighbor's peonies or peekapoos. So I've heard.
The oughts aren't over, by a long shot. Here is the deal. Decades on the calendar end in years ending in zero. Decades in American culture end in years ending in 5. The oughts aren't over and if you think the first half was bad your in for some real surprises.
And I give them names, like cyclones, hurricanes and relatives.
We are currently nearing the end of the calamitous decade of Colin.
the best thing about 00's was the amount of observable human suffering and terror, a christmas gift to pessimists who really needed a confirmatory pick-me-up after the 1990s. pessimists, see, it's not all bad, sometimes you're right!