Monday, September 14, 2009

"Once upon a time there was a fafnir and a giblets, and their names were Fafnir and Giblets," says me.
"Giblets can't relate to these characters," says Giblets. "Who do they come from and where are they going and what are their hopes and their dreams and their dark and buried pasts? Giblets demands backstory!"
"And they were pirates and spacemen and industrial chemical mixers who sailed the sea and tilled the land to get the girl and win the big game and ride the road of truth and self-discovery and a course the American Dream," says me.
"Giblets does not believe in this story," says Giblets. "Where is the dirt and the dust and the gritty grainy gunk of the everyday? Giblets demands verisimilitude!"
"And they dragged their straw-thatched huts and their earthenware mules and remembered the sweet-smelling spices and the warm baked bread of Grandma Stolchi's industrial meat-packing plant," says me.
"Giblets is uninspired," says Giblets. "Where is the greatness and the grandeur and the daring doing of deedly deeds? Giblets demands a sense of the epic!"
"And the mountains crunched and the thunder groaned and the wind and the war and the singing of songs and the angry angry sea," says me.
"Giblets is detached," says Giblets. "Where is the warmth of the heart of the fiery fires of the human experience? Giblets demands more feeling!"
"And though their love was deep and fierce and right and true it was doomed from the start," says me, "for she was only a lowly scullery maid, and he had been trampled to death by elephants."
"Giblets is confused," says Giblets. "Where is this going and what does it mean and how does it contribute to the advancement of the art of American letters? Giblets demands a theory of storytime!"
"And they all lived happily ever after," says me, "except for the ones who were squashed or exploded or eaten by bees."
"Tell me another one," says Giblets.

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posted by fafnir at 8:01 AM




46 Comments:
Oh no! Not BEES!

Wait... what was the middle thing again?
by Anonymous FearItself, at September 14, 2009 10:02 AM
good story
by Anonymous Anonymous, at September 14, 2009 10:04 AM
But where does The Medium Lobster come in?
He's in the background, miming the plight of the American farmer.
Do you ever get tired of answering those who ask 'Is it a soft G or a hard G in Giblets?'

God, I do.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at September 14, 2009 11:29 AM
Giblets is truly a most demanding Giblets. If cynics all over the world clap their hands and chant, "We Believe! WE BELIEVE! WE BELIEVE!" while bowing deeply, and dropping a couple bucks on the paypal button, would that help Giblets go to sleep?
FearItself, I am sorry, but for some reason you make me... anxious? (And I'm not afraid of any ol' thing--!)
Is giblets a member of the MLA ?
SPAM pie for all!

Whoppee


only it's Chinese SPAM pie so we'll all be hungry again in an hour.
Thank you! The last word on the whole contemporary era of "literary fiction" has been spoken. The decks definitively cleared. The critics tossed overboard. We can begin anew.
Like Edmond said. Except I was going to say "I laughed, I cried, it was better than Atlas Shrugged."

What, you say, even BEES are better than Atlas Shrugged?
by Anonymous CassieC, at September 15, 2009 12:14 PM
For a story with a happy ending, I really liked Nanny McPhee - Emma Thompson is the movie's author and title character, although she doesn't get the guy (Colin Firth).

It takes place in England, prior to the widespread adoption of the telephone.
Even wasps are better than Atlas Shrugged. And wasps suck.
The female character who DOES get the guy is in fact a lowly scullery maid, which is why I mention the film in this context.
Speaking of Atlas Shrugged, the movie of the Fountainhead isn't bad.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at September 15, 2009 5:50 PM
i want to break from the confines of written text and oral tradition based in shared vocabulary! where is the departure from traditional conceptualism with emphasis shifting toward concept rather than language?
Dearest fafblog!
I do thank you for your preview of Dan Brown's latest f-ort. Don't we thank fafblog, everyone?
'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves

Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"

He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought—
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! and through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

"And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"
He chortled in his joy.

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
I like th story.. But I think putting picture to it might be more attractive for readers. :)
i was getting sleepy until you mentioned the bees...now i can't sleep and i wants some honey... in a pie.
Poor Giblets. The medium is the message. The DOW hit 49,000 today. What does that mean in relation to the starving in California and Montana I suppose Giblets would ask.

It means Giblets is not allowed in the Hampton's ever again.
by Anonymous Coralie Charriol-Paul, at September 16, 2009 7:34 PM
That was so beautiful. I would have cried, if I had not wept.
by Anonymous Balakirev, at September 16, 2009 10:04 PM
I never got the impression that Giblets was much concerned about starving relations. I think Giblets is, like, totally focused on the wonder an grandeur of being Giblets.
My spouse is switching her 401k to a fund that primarily invests in inflation-protected treasury bonds.
Because of this post, mistah charley?
This post is the best reason I have yet heard for investing in anything, ever.
If I don't see some dang pie around here, I'm moving my money too.
@arby

why? what happened?
Bodiciah said, "I think Giblets is, like, totally focused on the wonder an grandeur of being Giblets."

Were you Giblets, would you not also focus totally on your self's wonder and grandeur? It would be the most natural and in fact only reasonable thing to do.
by Anonymous Phillip Allen, at September 19, 2009 9:56 AM
Giblets causes gaut. Has he/she/it/them no shame?

If I were to leave praise for anything Randish I would post Anon too...
Gort, Klaatu b'rada Giblet.
@sirvan

that's his style, it depends now on the readers.
My spouse long ago invested our money in aluminum space potties. Assuming we do continue to do nothing about global warming, we should make a killing between the age of ecodisasters and the time indoor plumbing becomes standard on Mars.
This story is like The Never Ending Story mashed up with Johnathan Livingston Seagull. Which pretty much defines it's role in advancing American letters. Those letters being in retreat. Retreat from those Chinese characters which fill you up but then 15 minutes later your hungry again. Also, the Chinese do not have pie but do have dumplings. Mmmmmmmm dumplings. I'm going to get me a Chinese wife.
by Anonymous rapier, at September 21, 2009 4:30 PM
Pâté chinois is a French Canadian dish similar to English cottage pie, shepherd's pie or French hachis Parmentier. It is made from layered ground beef (sometimes mixed with sautéed diced onions) on the bottom layer, canned corn (either whole-kernel, creamed, or a mix) for the middle layer, and mashed potatoes on top. Variations may include sprinkling paprika on top of the potatoes, reversing the layering of ingredients, adding diced bell peppers to the ground beef, and serving the dish with pickled eggs or beets. Pâté chinois (the words mean "Chinese pie" in English) is often consumed with ketchup mixed in.
by Anonymous Wi Kip Edia, at September 23, 2009 3:08 PM
multiple sclerosis said: What a facinating article. I’m looking for a marketing expert to help with a project, could you help?

time to get the business suit pressed, Fafnir! take the marketing expert industry down from the inside, would ya?
I thought it would have been better with some music in the background. and some visual effects.

how did it end I missed that?

are you getting it published in an e-zine?
by Anonymous Joe Blow, at September 26, 2009 9:00 PM
Wow! Awesome how rr8004 has read so much about 'this topic'. I wonder whether it thinks Fafnir or Giblets -- or both -- have provided such a good vibe. If it wasn't so busy producing a Yellow Page Business Directory for the odd zillion world cities, rr8004 could offer us clarity through exegesis.

I don't know which possibility is more disturbing: 1) someone has programmed a bot that can somehow perform the word verification operation; or 2) some schmuck is being paid a (presumed) pittance to troll the innertubes and post spam like this.
by Anonymous Phillip Allen, at September 29, 2009 9:34 PM
> ... Fafnir!
> take the marketing expert industry down
> from the inside, would ya?

Giblets has the exact personality traits normally associated with success
( Success. SUCCESS : DOES IT MATTER ? )
in the marketing expert industry, where it, yes, does matter, and very much.
by Anonymous joel hanes, at October 01, 2009 4:00 AM
I, for one, can hardly imagine a more exciting and vibrant website than "Jersey City Yellow Page Business Directory" must be. I mean, you hear "Yahoo!" and that name just screams excitement and fun, and makes you want to go to it; so imagine how exciting and fun a website would have to be for it to be named "Jersey City Yellow Page Business Directory" and still be able to expect that people would want to go see it!

This comment is not at all an attempt to rip off the old Chevy Chase Saturday Night Live sketch about jam. Not at all.
nice story, thanks for sharing. it may be a good contribution to a follower or reader.
Excellent story line. I enjoyed my reading with your blog. Thanks.
I like your story.
Were you Giblets, would you not also focus totally on your self's wonder and grandeur? It would be the most natural and in fact only reasonable thing to do
thanks how did it end I missed that?
Pâté chinois is a French Canadian dish similar to English cottage pie, shepherd's pie or French hachis Parmentier. It is made from layered ground beef (sometimes mixed with sautéed diced onions) on the bottom layer, canned corn (either whole-kernel, creamed, or a mix) for the middle layer, and mashed potatoes on top.

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