Wednesday, July 1, 2009

This week the United States moved ever closer to completing its daring humanitarian mission in Iraq: to slowly and grudgingly leave the country, after paying local residents not to kill them, after spending a very long time killing those residents by any means possible, after failing to recruit those residents to work for them, after invading their country and destroying its infrastructure. And to think they said it couldn't be done.

Were lives lost? Of course. Were cities razed, flesh burned with poison gas, families slaughtered and children raped? Naturally. But one can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs, burning the crockery, setting the kitchen on fire, firebombing the restaurant and summarily executing the survivors. And lest we forget, the cause for which America launched this war was a good and noble one. For although the war neither made America safe nor Iraq free, it did address one critical problem: the apparent existence of some one million surplus human beings living in that nation, which the United States, in its capacity as the forthright leader of the Free World, quickly recognized and sought to correct.

As America's work in Iraq gradually draws to a close, we now turn to the problem of too many Afghans living in Afghanistan, the crisis of a Pakistan menaced by hordes of Pakistanis, and the dire encroachment of Iranians on the nation of Iran. We can only hope that the same wisdom that has made America such an enormous force for good in the world will continue to guide its hand.

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posted by the Medium Lobster at 12:53 PM




48 Comments:
Has it really been a million? Wow.
Say, an omelette would hit the spot just now!
To be fair, if we tried to sterilize them everyone starts crying "eugenics!" or "racism!" But this way they have the babies, and we just take care of them on the other end when they're all grown up.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at July 01, 2009 11:14 PM
Rare to see the Medium Lobster make an appearance. Well done.
We killed 'em over there so we wouldn't have to kill 'em over here. Killing 'em here would've left stains.
by Anonymous Mizzoulian, at July 02, 2009 3:31 PM
Does anyone know where I can get some smart bombs? The kind that only get rid of bad eggs? And cook the remaining good eggs (just the way I like)? I can set smart bombs to only scare away kids who beat me up at school, right? I'm saving my allowance to get some! Thanks!
--Capt. Twelve A.M. Midnight, E.S.T., C.E.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at July 02, 2009 4:17 PM
But now it's different. Now we are more careful about killing civilians, like in Afghanistan. There are still plenty of people to kill even at that, thank goodness. But we're trying to be careful. So much better.
Hey! That's how I like my eggs!
by Anonymous tarj, at July 03, 2009 8:50 AM
In the end it was mostly Iraqis killing other Iraqis which as it turns out they are very good at. Saddam had given them a chance to kill Iranians and they did that very well too but as it turns out the Iranians were very good at killing Iraqis so the thrill sort of went out of it. This killing thing always starts out pretty popular, even among non swarthy types, as 50 million dead in Europe between 1930 and 1945 attests. Then inevitably it becomes less popular.

It even got a little less popular in America after WWII even if most didn't see the bloodied and burned bodies but it soon made a comeback. When we couldn't even lynch somebody on a Sunday picnic anymore the pressure built and still builds because just enabling others to blow the shit out of themselves doesn't scratch the itch. With more and more Americans looking at their neighbors as potential corpses now isn't the time to get all wobbly about killing a few goat herders to fill that spiritual void.
by Anonymous Spengler, at July 03, 2009 4:15 PM
But at least now we've got cheap oil. Oh, wait. No, free oil. Yeah, that's it. Oil wants to be free! It wants to be free to be sold by White Westerners, not swarthy Iraqis. They are swarthy, aren't they? I've never met one, but my tax dollars have. Or at least they've bought bombs and bullets that have met them. And freed their oil. And it wasn't going to free itself, after all. It was our duty as leaders of the free world. I feel so patriotic right now.
by Anonymous MisterC, at July 03, 2009 4:34 PM
"In the end it was mostly Iraqis killing other Iraqis which as it turns out they are very good at."

So it was the Iraqis invading Iraq who killed so many of them? Who knew? Gosh, and here I thought the alliance of US, UK, and tiny-little-country-thingees did it. Just shows how well the Web circulates intelligent, well-researched information! Maybe we can hope the Iranians invade Iran and kill a million or so off, then we can declare victory there, too, huh?

Good to see you back, Medium Lobster. Thought you were the victim of a drive-by heated butter crime.
by Anonymous Balakirev, at July 04, 2009 6:02 PM
I have to love it.
I note your triangulation that substituting one set of victims of bomb runs from the air is...much more progressive and expensive than I.E.D.s used by the people who foolishly welcome American repatriation.
Perhaps one day we can figure out where the non-appropriated money came from to build unreported military bases. Heck, to 'defend' us from aggression by fighting a Land War Evangelical Crusade in Asia on unidentifiable 'Islamofascist enemies'.
Should be over soon. It was only 1842 when the Brits lost 12,000 at one go to the Graveyard of Empires.
One million ? Can't have people thinking you exaggerate
http://www.justforeignpolicy.org/iraq/iraqdeaths.html
This is the worst bedtime story ever.
Mark Twain pointed out that truth is such powerful medicine that people can only take it in small doses. I'm afraid, Mr. Lobster, you are overestimating the amount your audience can tolerate.

At least this most recent post lives up to the masthead description of Fafblog! - it's about god and the universe and those horrible screaming monkeys.

Especially the latter.

At nakedcapitalism.com, Yves Smith punctuates the description of what's happening in the socioeconomic system with pictures of cute fluffy animals (mammals, generally, occasionally birds), usually immature ones.

As the old song puts it, "A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, in the most delightful way."
Sad isn’t it just how ungrateful the rest of the world can be? We spend all that money making bombs to drop on them, clearly to no benefit of our own, and yet do we receive a single thank you? I mean, who raised these people? I would assume their mother but then there’s a fair chance we already incinerated her with shells wrapped in depleted uranium so I ask in all sincerity…
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You got a really useful blog I have been here reading for about an hour. I am a newbee and your success is very much an inspiration for me. Please come visit my site Wild Life And Park when you got time.
Thanks.
You got a really useful blog I have been here reading for about an hour. I am a newbee.... oh never mind.

The sooner people get used to the idea that liberty tastes just like high explosives the sooner they'll start enjoying the piquant flavor of our freedom bombs.
thepuppethead beat me to it.
Well done, Medium Lobster. Well done. (And no, that's not how I want to cook you. I have no desire to eat you. Mmmm… tasty lobster… what? I said nothing!)
This is a very useful blog. I use it to cover the floor of my birdcage. Well I would if I had a bird, and a birdcage, and didn't mind not using my laptop while my bird pooped on it.
by Anonymous D Milbank, at July 07, 2009 11:57 PM
Just teach your bird to only poop only on the Q's and X's (and sometimes Z's) and you'll have a functional bird while retaining a somewhat functional keyboard.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at July 08, 2009 2:21 PM
Unquestionably a mistake was made in this war on people war in that Iraq has so few of them relatively speaking. Only 28 million while Iran has 70 million and Pakistan 270 million. Lest we forget China has 1.3 billion of them. Now we're talkin.

It's true that if you happened to be one of the 10 million living Iraqis rendered non living you might think the numbers don't mean much but how many dead strategic thinkers have input into these things?
by Anonymous Mr Practical, at July 08, 2009 7:22 PM
I heard that Lobsters have lots of eggs. This could make them good farm animals.

Unfortunately, it turns out that the eggs are all kind of small and gooey. This causes them to make very wierd omletes. Therefor Lobsters may not be the solution that is required to remake the American Agrarian Hegemony.

On the other hand, I heard that MILLIONS of Lobsters are thrust head first into boiling water and killed, directly. How does this make you feel.

Better or worse than killing dirty swarty heathens?

Oh well. as long as someone made some money in all these goings on...
by Anonymous Joe Blow, at July 08, 2009 11:12 PM
Wickedly good.
i think its worse. new here!
I am a spam-bot and I spam blogs and this is a blog and I'm spamming it and FOLLOW MY LINK!

sorry. What I meant was, omelets are the new pie, and I'm off to make one with grenades and napalm. Oh yes, and eggs.
by Anonymous CassieC, at July 16, 2009 12:20 PM
I miss pie I have eaten. I want pie I have not yet eaten.
by Anonymous Tongo Vargas, at July 17, 2009 1:38 AM
Life during wartime allows no time for dancin, lovey dovey, or pie. Even people pie. I don't think so anyway.
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by Anonymous Amateur porn, at July 27, 2009 6:59 AM
The boys will be off to the Hamptons for August and the glittering parties with nubile hotties, some non pro. Such are the real life adventures of our plucky and lucky chroniclers of running the world.

See you in September.
by Anonymous Coralie Charriol-Paul, at July 27, 2009 8:39 AM
August will be a desert without Fafnir, Giblets, and the Medium Lobster. At least I can console myself with Amateur Porn posting such friendly, appreciative comments.

Fafblog is the best blog!
by Anonymous Phillip Allen, at July 27, 2009 11:31 AM
How can I love you when you are never around?
We're trying, Doodle!
Doodle Bean, when it's quiet, and you're alone -- maybe with some warm pie for company -- you close your eyes and remember all the wonderful times you shared with Fafnir, with the Medium Lobster, with Giblets, all together, separately, or in any possible combination. You imagine yourself in the company of your Fafblog favorite(s), all telling you stories and explaining things and making you feel so good. And with one hand on your warm pie and the other wherever it feels best, you love your Fafblog, you love your Fafblog so hard.
The fab Faf just wanted me to report that if what went down between Giblets and Nadia, the super hot Ukrainian doll, could be termed the public option, at the Axe Lounge after the Mercedes Challenge then he's all for it.
by Anonymous Coralie Charriol-Paul, at August 20, 2009 5:23 PM
Plus ça change, plus c'est la meme chose.

Next transit of Venus: June 6, 2012. Keep the date.
Tongo Vargas, you speak true.
by Anonymous Abby, at August 25, 2009 12:34 AM
[...]what went down between Giblets and Nadia[...]

Pictures, or it didn't happen.

"I like to watch."
by Anonymous Phillip Allen, at August 25, 2009 8:33 AM
Those looking for warm pie may find the following recipe(s) of interest. At three-quarters of a cup of sugar per pie, there are several spoonfuls of sugar in each serving.

with best wishes,
Fannie Farmer (Mrs.)



Sweet Potato Pie

or Carrot Pie, Squash Pie, or Pumpkin Pie

Our friend Cheryl Johnson has collected a number of sweet potato recipes, among which is this, which she credits to "The Christmas Cookbook."


INGREDIENTS

Pastry for 9-inch One-Crust Pie
2 eggs
2 cups mashed cooked sweet potatoes
3/4 cup sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
l/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
1 2/3 cups evaporated milk or half-and-half

PREPARATION

- Heat oven to 425°
- Prepare pastry
- Beat eggs slightly with beater
- beat in remaining ingredients
- Place pastry-lined pie on oven rack; pour in filling
- Bake 15 minutes
- Reduce oven temperature to 350°. Bake until knife inserted in center comes out clean, 45 minutes; cool
- Serve with sweetened whipped cream if desired

Variations

* Carrot Pie: Substitute 2 cups mashed cooked carrots for mashed sweet potatoes.
* Squash Pie: Substitute 2 cups mashed cooked winter squash for mashed sweet potatoes.
* Pumpkin Pie: Substitute 1 can (16 ounces) pumpkin for mashed sweet potatoes




Mrs. Fannie, you just don't know how much I am always needing and looking for warm pie. You come to the rescue yet again! Now, if you can only help me find young and supple lads skilled at domestic pastry, I will be well situated to last out the Fafblog drought.
by Anonymous Phillip Allen, at August 26, 2009 7:23 AM
My preference for above pie would substitute nutmeg for the ginger and cloves and brown sugar for that plain ol white stuff.

My super secret verification word is coven.

Heh

Witchy woman!
my only wish in this beautiful world is ,,, there will be no more war. Hope someday no more war
hello Fafnir
Hello
Plus ça change, plus c'est la meme chose.

Next transit of Venus: June 6, 2012. Keep the date.
Yikes.
Tongo Vargas, you speak true.
Tongo Vargas, you speak true.

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