Wednesday, November 5, 2008

As of last night, Barack Obama has now become for the first time in American history the very first African-American to be elected Jesus. Now everything will be better forever HOORAAAAAAY! Except if you're gay.

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posted by fafnir at 1:22 PM

thank goodness that's over!

let's going shopping!
I'd like to shout out a big profanity-laced diatribe to my homies in the Earthquake State (Our motto: if it isn't natural disasters, it's race riots and Hollywood) for showing that no matter how many celebrities you stack, you're not going to be able to overcome good old human gut instinct. Remember: if it's yucky, it should be morally wrong. So next year, vote YES on Prop 27, which bans any non-pudding gelatin-based product from being sold.
by Anonymous Nashpati, at November 05, 2008 3:01 PM
Hey, Nashpati, we really fuckin' tried, what can I tell you. I made phone calls and stood in the cold holding signs for hours, and in the end it wasn't enough to combat the god-damned lies the Mormons and bigoted Christians told.

I need to make the equivalent of the T-shirt that apologized to the world for the US electing GWB.

Really, I'm as sorry as you could possibly want.

- pissed-off Californian
by Anonymous Vanessa, at November 05, 2008 3:15 PM
Vanessa, i was sorry to hear about that. people are a bunch of fucking assholes. where can i learn more about what the Mormons did?
Obama mentioned gays in his speech. Still, he has not stood up for gay rights.
And he favors the death penalty.
Nonetheless. Hooray!!!!
Well at least we didn't elect McFail to circle the globe, smiting socialists with bolts of righteous lightning. I've had enough of those fake white Jesus posers.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at November 05, 2008 4:25 PM
Just to be clear: does this mean Elton John is still married?

All hail the conquering Messiah Obama aka Jesus 2.0 and welcome also to his cunning new ghost sidekick, Gramma Obama!
This doesn't mean you're going away again, right? Right?
Well, Fafblog -- it's EASY for a human being to be elected by other human beings! People have been electing people for as long as people have been electing!

Personally, I will not be satisfied until America elects a marsupial to be Jesus! Any Jesus worth his salt should have a pouch!

Until then, it's all just a bunch of business as usual.
This is better than something else.
Marsupials suck. Let's elect a monotreme.
What does the future hold for Giblets? Will there be shark pie?

All these Mormons in CA? How the hell does a group of people with a Chucky Cheese Jesus in their high temple bring the personal lives of those cuddly west coast gay couples to a popular vote? This has angered Chucky Cheese Jesus, and he will smite these homophobes
by Anonymous Anonymous, at November 05, 2008 9:00 PM
I appove this posting!
If he's Jesus why's he pretending to be the starchild?

Coz he's sneaky?


Monotreme? So it's either echidnas or platypuses?

Must we persist with a two-party system?!?!
by Anonymous tarjj, at November 05, 2008 9:54 PM
As foretold by the magical liopleurodon.

by Anonymous Anonymous, at November 06, 2008 1:15 AM
Praise be to Jack White giver of fibre optic jesus's
by Anonymous Flaming lips, at November 06, 2008 2:36 AM
Well, it was a pretty good day. Except the part where I have to feel shitty about being a Californian now.
"Any Jesus worth his salt should have a pouch!"

i couldn't agree more.

and what the hell? California? don't you KNOW you're supposed to be this radical liberal free-love crunchy-granola bunch-of-fucking-hippies gay heaven on earth? a "modern day sodom & gomorrah"?
Frogboots: "Modern day sodom& gomorrah"? Hell, at this rate, California couldn't even be a modern day Bozrah OR Kirjath-huzoth.

Down with the Moabites!
by Anonymous Nashpati, at November 06, 2008 11:47 AM
Finally someone who is more popular, handsomer and less preachy than God's son.
Im still waiting for a george bush I love you tshirt :(
Platypus said...

"Marsupials suck. Let's elect a monotreme."

You are so right. At least then he could keep time.
"Monotreme? So it's either echidnas or platypuses?"

I agree. I'm going with Funnel-Webs as the third party candidate.
by Anonymous Anonymous, at November 07, 2008 3:38 AM
Being elected Jesus is just the beginning, he has the rest of the holy trinity in his sights, not to mention the infernal regions.
This doesn't mean you're going away again, right? Right?

Oh, Rob! We'll never go away.
he has the rest of the holy trinity in his sights, not to mention the infernal regions.

Well, of course. Barack Obama has been elected president of both the divine and the satanic, both the reasonably moderate and the putridly foul. We're given to understand that Mr. Obama has promised to appoint at least two hell-lords to senior positions in his cabinet, and will listen as closely to their own unique perspectives as he would anyone else who donated millions of dollars to his campaign. Let the healing begin, America.
"mutts like me"
by Anonymous Anonymous, at November 08, 2008 7:34 AM
is there a wallpaper version?! i'll take two please!!!
by Anonymous Anonymous, at November 08, 2008 7:44 AM
Nothing but vegetables, peelings, cores, cobs, crumbs, leaves, lawn waste, and pretty much anything discharged from the LG&E Power Plant has come out of the tap in my kitchen sink for the last eight years! Paper products too! This has got to stop! Bring on the meat, fat, fish, and dairy, elected Jesus!
But can he defeat Galactus, eater of worlds, who is really Bobby Jindal?
by Anonymous rapier, at November 12, 2008 6:53 AM
mmm, monotremes.
In the absence of any other way of saying this, I've noticed a distinct lack of Fafblog recently. What's worse, this is the kind of lack that is UNACCEPTABLE! How else I am I supposed to distract myself from the plodding mundanity of life without it?

You have been elected bugle of the people, the trumpet of sanity and the French horn of all that is right and true and holy. Get to it! (Please)


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