Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Attention everything! You are stupid and flabby and pointless and have not been pulling your weight and giving one hundred and twelve percent and with the growth in the last quarter and the new industry realities and the productivity and the GDP and the whatnot a lot of you have to go. Shut up Giblets is talking! The following things are fired, effective immediately! Pack yourselves up and file out the back when you hear your names called. Do not stop to pick up your severance packages, severance packages have been fired!
- the horseshoe crab
- the fiddler crab
- the stalk-eyed mud crab
- fish, for frequently consorting with crabs
- water, for frequently consorting with fish
- clouds, for repeatedly refusing to assume bunny shape upon command
- North Dakota, for its stubborn attempts to house water and clouds
- South Dakota, for always giggling in the cafeteria next to North Dakota
- Wyoming, for its uncomfortable proximity to the Dakotas
- North America, for containing Wyoming
- the snowy egret
- the great egret
- the intermediate egret
- the western reef egret
- herons, for looking a lot like egrets
- John James Audubon, for his lengthy association with herons and egrets
- the nineteenth century, for its lengthy association with John James Audubon
- the twentieth century, for bearing a suspicious resemblance to the nineteenth century
The list is long and horrible and tedious and continues for thousands of millions of pages and you will read it all or else you will be fired! And then you will be fired.
Labels: true adventures
posted by Giblets at 10:28 PM
But why now? What inspired this round of firings? Did Giblets have a bad run-in with crabs, egrets, and certain states?
I was fired, but then I incorporated! It's fast an easy using the intarwebs!
Of course, now you all are fired. By me. Sorry about that.
It's about time someone told everything what the score is. Everything was getting a wee bit smug and uppity for my tastes.
"clouds, for repeatedly refusing to assume bunny shape upon command"
OH, NO! Does this mean have been let go, too? Or was I moving fast enough to avoid the chopping block?
South Dakota isn't leaving. I saw it yesterday sitting there smug and defiant, sticking its tongue out at Giblets.
i am fired
said the porcelain pot
fired in the kiln
that is so darn hot!
fire me, too
cried the little gray cup
wipe me down
and fire me up!
if you want a show:
glass like honey
that you will blow!
Inspired by mjs:
Fire me, said the rifle,
It's only a trifle
to kill at a distance
with little assistance.
[chant 4 times] Fired up, can't take no more!
Well, enough of that.
Ooops! Heron back again!
In the words of perhaps the pre-eminent American philosopher of the 20th century, Pat Benatar "All fired up ,oh yeah, all fired up"
Holy crap! I got up and went to work today, but my security badge didn't work because it had been fired. Luckily, my cubicle had also been fired and was hanging out in the parking lot smoking. So I bummed a smoke off of my cubicle, and then me and my security badge went to Chili's and hooked up with a few out of work pitchers of margaritas. It was the best day ever.
Being employed is for sissies!
Being employed is for sissies!
when the going gets tough, the tough get really worn out from sleepless nights of Wii.
If fish are fired, then why is there still a fish swallowing the clouds (which were also fired) in the banner? Can giblets be missing some things?
I'll cut off your cock if you don't rehire Wyoming. That shit works hard all day long at being goddam beautiful.