Thursday, April 3, 2008

Special multiple choice edition. Check all that apply!

  • Nothing less will stop the monster in the closet from allying with the boogeyman under the bed to form a sinister new Axis of Spooky
  • To gently massage foreign dictatorships into stable liberal democracies through the subtle and delicate eastern art of acubombing
  • All the older presidents an senators were all hangin out in the boys room an lookin cool an smokin cigarettes an passin around faulty pre-war intelligence an we just hadda invade
  • In solemn memory of that hypothetically terrible day when Saddam Hussein sent pretend terrorists to attack fictional buildings with weapons of mass imagination
  • We dared them, and then they double-dared us, and then we triple-dog-dared them, and if we say uncle now all the mullahs'll know we're chicken!
  • You wanna be president, you gotta pop at least one third-world country before you're parta the gang
  • If we stopped randomly blowing people up now, someone might think something's wrong with us.


  • posted by fafnir at 9:57 AM

    So, when are you gonna get back to doing satire?
    by Anonymous MattF, at April 03, 2008 10:12 AM
    War, what is it good for?

    For business, and for increasing concentrations of power -

    in other words, it's good for the MICFiC

    M ilitary
    I ndustrial
    C ongressional
    Fi nancial
    C orporate Media Complex

    * Reality started it! She made us look stupid all the time!
    * Zombies with fake mustaches ate our brains! We're all zombies together now, but we still want their mustaches.
    * Otherwise someone would ask us to deal with important stuff, like hurricanes and plagues and such. We're a superpower, not superhuman!
    * Scared of own shadow.
    by Anonymous Cassie, at April 03, 2008 10:22 AM
    what tikistitch said!! ZOMG!!
    * Had to apply all those skills that I learned in the Texas Air National Guard, even though I now have to do it using surrogates.
    * Just got too nostalgic for the Nam. Good times, good times.
    to bestow them freedoms.

    but they didn't want them because they hate our freedoms.

    now we will bury them with freedoms.

    that, and what mistah charley, ph.d. said.
    Fafner is back! Oh happy happy joy joy.
    #2--if we kill all but one person in the country, it's a democracy by default (unless that person has multiple personalities).
    * As a way of seizing the de facto power to ignore the law.
    * To cow the Democrats with our War Preznit Mojo.
    * To produce losers for whom we can feel contempt; especially Democrats, but Iraqis too.
    * To distract the public from our complete failure to find Bin Laden.
    by Anonymous joel hanes, at April 03, 2008 11:32 AM
    * We was told it was the way to ensure a permanent republican majority and we was too drunk to recognize the sarcasm but if we backed down then they'd laugh at us some more
    by Anonymous Reba, at April 03, 2008 12:06 PM
    > delicate eastern art of acubombing

    I think this is a typo and should be the "delicate western art".
    coud you give us humble readers some RSS goodness besides the one in the comments ?

    I love Fafblog, so a nice RSS feed to keep me abreast of the latest developments would make my day !

    by Anonymous Anonymous, at April 03, 2008 1:28 PM
    I was so in awe of the site, I did not see the syndication link on the right side... My bad...

    Hail Fafblog and his mighty RSS feed !!!

    by Anonymous Anonymous, at April 03, 2008 1:30 PM
    * Couldn't get it up with Laura without those surges of manliness, foreign policy-style!

    * He was gonna kill my Daddy!

    * Hatred and bloodlust only thing keepin' Cheney alive.
    This comment has been removed by the author.
    Well, Fafblog...

    It's like the time when those two little kids who used to fight all the time but got tired of it after a while, because a couple of the bigger kids kept egging them on, were standing around minding their own business, and then one of them picked up a pinecone and chunked it at the back of one of the big kids' heads (which is not to say that the big kid has more than one head, but if he did it would probably make for a better movie) while he wasn't looking, which knocked him silly and might have even taken a chunk out of his ear. So then the big kid whirls around and he's all like, "Who threw that?"... and he looks over, and one little kid (the one who threw the pinecone) is standing about 10 feet away with his hands stuck in his pockets, trying to whistle, and the other little kid is standing about 2 feet away, and anyway that other little kid is a known pinecone thrower, and everybody also is pretty sure he has a whole duffle bag full of pinecones under his bed at home, and also one time he threw a pinecone at the big kid's mom's station wagon, and he looks funny, so the big kid grabs the little kid who is standing 2 feet away and beats the snot out of him, which makes the big kid tired. So then he runs a few steps towards the other little kid who actually threw the pinecone, but that little kid runs off and hides, so the big kid goes home and eats some swiss cake rolls.

    Well, obviously, it's probably a lot more complicated than that, Fafblog.

    But then again, maybe it isn't.
    that's all fine
    why does mommy and daddy fight?
    Because without war, the savages would never understand the capitalist democratic love of Giblets.

    That's right folks. The war in our hearts has succeeded, for it has brought Fafblog back to us.

    Mission accomplished.
    by Anonymous AttackPanda, at April 03, 2008 3:49 PM
    Nothing less will stop the monster in the closet from allying with the boogeyman under the bed to form a sinister new Axis of Spooky

    For some reason this one makes me saddest.
    by Anonymous tigris, at April 03, 2008 4:16 PM
    coz georgie knows how to fight
    and georgie doesn't know how to not fight
    so georgie's gotta fight
    You mean Palpatine isn't behind this?

    Are you sure?
    *So a certain someone could prance on a carrier flight deck with a Mission Accomplished banner in the background.
    *Because that nice Mr. Chalabi said be should.
    *Greatly helped the process of Government Outsourcing and the bottom lines of, oh, I don't know, Halliburton and KBR....
    *Sacrifices must be made to animate Undead Cheney.
    by Anonymous MR. Bill, at April 03, 2008 6:10 PM
    Yay! Fafblog is back! This is the awesome.
    by Anonymous Anonymous, at April 03, 2008 6:57 PM
    • War is a recognized function of government, and so it serves as a perfect diversion for disassembling the actual government, scavenging the parts to build a corporate dictatorship, and hiring bible-school graduates to play the part of government workers.
    So glad to have you back, Fafnir.
    Because they got tired of smartasses like me jeering, "Of course Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction; Donald Rumsfeld kept the receipts."
    You mean fafblog being back wasn't just an April Fools joke?

    Or is this an April Threes joke?



    Oh Fafblog, sei tornato! Per davvero?
    by Anonymous Guga, at April 03, 2008 11:40 PM
    WOW! WOW! WOW!

    I have missed the Fafblog!

    Welcome back! I think it's 'accubombing'!
    by Anonymous Anonymous, at April 04, 2008 8:12 AM
    ...yet that is just a spelling flame, thus may be easily disregarded.
    by Anonymous Anonymous, at April 04, 2008 8:47 AM
    ...unless, of course, one wishes to go to war over it.
    by Anonymous Anonymous, at April 04, 2008 8:47 AM it were.
    by Anonymous Anonymous, at April 04, 2008 8:48 AM
    NO. Georgie does not know how! Or my daddy wud b home by now. But mommy doesn’t want to hurt Georgie’s feelinngs an tel him that. Poor Georgie.
    But defintly what markc said about especially bible-school graduates, an like how jesus told georgie to make things better by killing born babies. An ther mommies an daddies an brothers an sisters an cousins an aunts an uncles an grammas an grampas an lots of other people like daddy’s frens an coworkers an lots an lots of other people who need to be dead to make them happy happy happy.

    Sumthin 2 do wif a pockalips or sumthin i think, maybe. Tryin to make jesus do what Georgie wants an come back real quick.
    Or maybe Georgie has a demin an he cant tel a differmense cuz when you have a demin evrything is all weerd.
    Poor Georgie.
    Hmmmm, Mr. Arthur Silber sent me here.
    I thought this would be erudite, if not educational.
    Am I missing something?
    A joke perhaps?

    Oh yes, I was told there would be pie, too.

    by Anonymous Anonymous, at April 04, 2008 11:41 AM
    wolfgang said...
    > delicate eastern art of acubombing

    I think this is a typo and should be the "delicate western art".

    They're both nothing like Swedish acubombing. You should get a Swedish acubombing sometime, esp. from a Swedish acubomber named Ingelore. Heaven, I tell you. Heaven.

    (Yay Fafblog is back!)

    Dashed hopes and expectations are an integral part of the Fafblog experience!
    an maybe because the US has the best democracy money can buy, an the House of Saud probably has more money than God - definitely more money than the US anyway, an it don't really matter what we tell each other as long as we're spreading Wahhabi-ness an crushing the Saudi's enemies
    I thought this would be erudite, if not educational.

    erudite, educational but never pedantic
    I am pretty sure I am not Fafnir, but I'm not so sure Jack Handey isn't. And apparently I'm not the only one:
    Has anyone told The June Taylor Dancers that you're back? I can't help but thinking of them dancing, dancing their little feet down to bloody nubbins awaiting the return of Faf. And pie. So sad. Or, maybe wait until there IS pie to tell them. rb
    Shurnuff.john i, as like as unto 2 peace inna pawed. All those greasy immoral footprince ever which way from Toozday.
    A sure sine mischufs a foot. 6 foot 4, even. Big, very big. Like ol’ Moby the verifiabul Montzer of the Cee. Not nether th Poop so don go ther.
    Paypal Ceez a hole udder keddle of fishy footprince.
    What 4 shur tizzint is froot loops on a Peden Tree or Ma would kick th tar outta me. Defintly.
    i h8 fuqin bugger! viva hel-o-scum!
    by Anonymous Anonymous, at April 05, 2008 9:38 AM
    is this fafblog or hellokittyhell?
    by Anonymous Anonymous, at April 05, 2008 9:47 AM
    Having Fafblog there to satirize the process makes it so much nicer that the world is going to hell.

    You keep trying to start a fight, but I'm just so glad you're alive.
    by Anonymous Anonymous, at April 05, 2008 11:51 AM
    Reason no. 345:

    So wez can show daddy who's boss
    by Anonymous Anonymous, at April 05, 2008 1:18 PM
    That lobster started it.
    by Anonymous Anonymous, at April 05, 2008 7:53 PM
    Pie? Do we get pie?
    i'm more than a little concerned about the whereabouts of the medium lobster.
    by Anonymous Anonymous, at April 06, 2008 5:19 PM
    In the grand scheme of things..who really gives a shat? ;p
    You must produce the medium lobster.

    Is it still medium or is it medium large?

    Or is it medium-well or scampi or quiche or somethin'?

    Produce the medium lobster nooowww!
    Garden Party

    - Artist: Rick Nelson
    - peak Billboard position # 6 in 1972
    - inspired by Rick's experience at a Madison Square Garden concert
    - Words and Music by Rick Nelson

    I went to a garden party to reminisce with my old friends
    A chance to share old memories and play our songs again
    When I got to the garden party, they all knew my name
    No one recognized me, I didn't look the same

    But it's all right now, I learned my lesson well.
    You see, ya can't please everyone, so ya got to please yourself

    People came from miles around, everyone was there
    Yoko brought her walrus, there was magic in the air
    'n' over in the corner, much to my surprise
    Mr. Hughes hid in Dylan's shoes wearing his disguise


    lott-in-dah-dah-dah, lot-in-dah-dah-dah

    Played them all the old songs, thought that's why they came
    No one heard the music, we didn't look the same
    I said hello to "Mary Lou", she belongs to me
    When I sang a song about a honky-tonk, it was time to leave


    lot-dah-dah-dah (lot-dah-dah-dah)

    Someone opened up a closet door and out stepped Johnny B. Goode
    Playing guitar like a-ringin' a bell and lookin' like he should
    If you gotta play at garden parties, I wish you a lotta luck
    But if memories were all I sang, I rather drive a truck


    lot-dah-dah-dah (lot-dah-dah-dah)

    'n' it's all right now, learned my lesson well
    You see, ya can't please everyone, so you got to please yourself
    I heard we're fighting because there's a pony under this manure pile somewhere.
    At your garden party, you may want to serve a


    recipe posted by Pat T at, 07-15-99

    3 lbs. frozen langostinos
    3 cans Campbell's Cream of Shrimp soup
    1 (3 stack pack) box Ritz crackers
    1 lb. butter, melted

    Thaw langostinos and add to undiluted cans shrimp soup. Crumble crackers; mix with melted butter. Spread half of mixture in bottom of 9 x 13-inch baking dish. Add langostino mixture; cover with remaining crackers.

    Bake at 350 degrees F. for 45 minutes. Serves 8 to 10 people.

    [end of recipe from Pat T.]

    A few notes on the ingredients:

    1)Although the recipe calls for "butter", in my own kitchen at home I would substitute Smart Balance margarine (not a paid endorsement) for the alleged lipid profile benefits. I've heard Charles Osgood on CBS Radio say that "some people say it tastes even better than butter" (keep in mind that Charles Osgood is getting paid, though).

    2)If your local supermarket doesn't carry Campbell's Cream of Shrimp Soup, you can order it by the case from, or even make your own. Our friends at describe this soup as "creamy and shrimp flavored. Made with cream or milk, water, cooked shrimp, sauterne wine, spices, and flavoring, Cream of Shrimp Soup provides a food item that can be served for lunch as a side dish to accompany sandwiches. Like many cream-based soups, Cream of Shrimp Soup can also be used to make sauces for casseroles or toppings for baked, grilled and roasted shellfish dinners. And, this soup is a common ingredient for use in appetizer dips."

    3)Wikipedia informs us that "langostino is a Spanish word meaning prawn, but is commonly used in the restaurant trade to refer to the meat of the squat lobster, which is neither a true lobster nor a prawn....Langostinos are not langoustes (spiny lobsters) despite a similar name. In the United States, the Food and Drug Administration allows 'langostino' as a market name for three species in the family Galatheidae: Cervimunida johni, Munida gregaria, and Pleuroncodes monodon. These species are no more than 3 inches (7.6 centimetres) long and weigh no more than 7 ounces (198 grams)."

    A photograph of a cooked langostino, a cooked prawn, and a cooked lobster claw is available at

    The FDA website has the following notice:

    >>Boston, MA -- March 14, 2008 -- Slade Gorton & Co is issuing a voluntary recall of its "ICYBAY" cooked, ready to eat, frozen Langostinos because they have the potential to be contaminated with Listeria monocytogenes, an organism which can cause serious and sometimes fatal infections in young children, frail or elderly people, and others with weakened immune systems.

    Although healthy individuals may suffer only short-term symptoms such as fever, headache, stiffness, nausea, abdominal pain and diarrhea, Listeria monocytogenes infection can cause miscarriages and stillbirths among pregnant women.

    The product retails in one pound, clear plastic package marked with UPC 0-73129-61672-8 on the top and with an expiration date of June 2009 and is distributed under the brand name of "ICYBAY". The product also was distributed to wholesale accounts, also under the "ICYBAY" brand, in five pound clear plastic packages containing either 70-90 count, 90-125 count or 120-150 count. This recall involves production dates of July 18, 2007 through August 13, 2007 and/or Julian dates of 199 through 232.

    The recalled "ICYBAY" cooked langostinos were distributed to retailers in Massachusetts and Maryland, over the course of the past several weeks. The majority of the retail distribution was removed from shelves immediately upon notice of the potential of contamination. The recalled "ICYBAY" cooked langostinos were distributed to wholesalers in Colorado, Connecticut, Indiana, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Nebraska, New Jersey, New York, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Oklahoma, Texas, Vermont, West Virginia and Wisconsin.

    The potential for contamination was noted after a Canadian government laboratory, CFIA, found that one sample was believed to be contaminated with Listeria monocytogenes.

    No illnesses have been reported to date in connection with this product.

    President Kim Gorton said her company, one of the largest private seafood distributors in the United States, strictly follows HACCP procedures and FDA guidelines for testing its seafood products to ensure their wholesomeness and safety. <<

    With best seafood wishes,
    Fannie Farmer (Mrs.)
    gin'rull j.c. christian & imissfafblog,spot tried usin bugger & y'all see how well that worked out. bring back, bring back, o! bring back my sweet hel-o-scum to me, to me...
    by Anonymous Anonymous, at April 08, 2008 9:16 AM
    As I recall, Martin Luther King was a lot like Mr. Rogers, only in a suit, and I think he did dream analysis or something. And he always sang his own theme song:

    It's a beautiful day in this brotherhood,
    A beautiful day for a brother,
    Would you be mine?
    Could you be mine?

    It's a brotherly day in this neighborhood,
    A brotherly day for a neighbor,
    Would you be mine?
    Could you be mine?

    I have always wanted to have a brother just like you,
    I've always wanted to live in brotherhood with you...

    So, when America spontaneously decided to abandon bigotry, the first day of the new era of tolerance was named Martin Luther King Day because he was clean and articulate and most especially - because of the singing.
    *Makes Condi hot.


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