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Friday, March 3, 2006

Giblets Versus the News

A Zogby poll released this week shows that 72% of U.S. troops in Iraq want America to pull out of the war within a year or less, bringing Giblets to only one conclusion: America's troops are undermining America's troops! The only solution is for the army to detain itself for providing aid and comfort to the enemy.

A group of congressmen is asking the GAO how much it costs the federal government to prosecute users of medical marijuana. Well Giblets will tell you how much it costs: as much as necessary to put these doddering dope fiends behind bars where they belong! Medical marijuana is a gateway medicine, people! One minute you're smokin' up for your migraines and the next you're shootin' up for cancer! Just last week Giblets saw an eighty-year-old glaucoma patient knock over a liquor store to pay for another quick fix. Someone must stop the madness!

If anything, this pre-Katrina video clip proves that George Bush knows how to handle a hurricane. Oh sure, some other presidents might be saying things or thinking things or "planning" for "flood response" and "emergency evacuations." But George Bush knows you can't cut and run in front of the hurricane without emboldening future hurricanes.

The Patriot Act was renewed by an overwhelming majority in the Senate this week, and it's about damn time! If Congress didn't renew it, George Bush would just have to keep using it illegally, meaning the ten senators who voted against the act are guilty of plotting to trick the president into breaking his own oath of office. Russ Feingold, Giblets finds you guilty of treason! Treason as hopefully redefined by the Patriot Act.

posted by Giblets at 3:08 PM

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