Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Today we’re gonna do somethin different. Insteada today’s regular pie, we’re gonna have you try some of this delicious special medical pie!

Of course this is pie! It’s just special liquid medicinal pie recommended by nine outta ten doctors an pharmacists. They’re standin right over there along with representatives from the pie industry. They’re smilin an wavin an they totally think you oughtta drink this pie before you start gettin some adverse pie withdrawal symptoms like fever or spontaneous eyeball tumors. The tenth doctor and/or pharmacist was tied in a burlap sack an beaten with a stick til he apologized for giving you the impression that this pie was not the highest possible quality pie.

This pie may cause headaches, nausea, dizziness, drowsiness, gout, emphysema, epilepsy, narcolepsy, pancreatitis, cirrhosis of the liver, cirrhosis of the brain, brain worms, space madness, and complete spontaneous explodification of the everything. May. It may also cure cancer, give you x-ray vision and super-strength, and get you into exclusive parties with top celebrities like George Clooney and Jesus.

In the future all pie will be taken in pill form with a dose of 24-hour time-released ice cream. The cost of new experimental pie skyrockets while underground labs keep cranking out dangerously delicious new pastries for the cream junkies to shoot up. A concerned Congress resolves that dessert has become alarmingly fun and appoints a new pastry czar to deal with the crisis. He sits in his office and nervously eyes a large apple pie with a fluffy light crust in a clear plastic bag labeled This is a Class C pie. Is it good? Is it bad? Is it delicious? He eats it and finds out.

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posted by fafnir at 8:13 PM




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