Sunday, February 5, 2006
"What if it's not really a picture of Mohammed," says me, "just a picture of a picture of Mohammed?"
"Metablasphemy!" says Giblets. "It is sacrilegious and pretentious!"
"What if it just looks like a picture a Mohammed but it's really a picture a Jesus wearin a real good Mohammed costume?" says me.
"Then it is pretend blasphemy," says Giblets. "God can't tell the difference. He has to smite you just to make sure."
"What if Mohammed's goin on a trip an hasta get a new passport picture?" says me.
"Then God smites the DMV," says Giblets. "If Mohammed wants to fly on a plane he can be checked at the baggage counter or safely stowed in the overhead compartment like all the other prophets."
"When Mohammed goes missin his mom can't put his face on a milk carton," says me.
"Instead of a photo she gives the police a collection of ornate arabesques," says Giblets. "The resulting tri-county search for lost and wayward calligraphy is slow and inefficient at best."
"Meanwhile Mohammed's stuck in the woods in a bear trap fightin off armies a hungry squirrels," says me.
"Ironically he is prepared and eaten by observant Sunni squirrels according to strict halaal practices," says Giblets. "They just figure he's probably Habbakuk or Shmosiah, the loser prophets."
"Mohammed decides to raise his profile by miraculously appearing in a bowl of tapioca," says me. "But he is quickly mistaken for Pudding Jesus."
"The nearby Jesus chowder is enraged and demands an apology from the pudding impostor!" says Giblets. "Harsh words lead to harsher actions. Bowls clash, soup spills! War is declared!"
"If only Sandwich Buddha were here to save us!" says me.
"But he was too enlightmelicious for this world," says Giblets, "especially when purchased as a special value meal with a twelve-ounce coke and a bag of chips."
"Will God ever forgive us for eating his bready bodhisattva?" says me.
"As long as we never draw his picture," says Giblets.
posted by fafnir at 12:07 PM