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Sunday, February 19, 2006
"There's no more soup in the world," says me. "There is only post-9/11 soup."
"It's true," says Giblets. "9/11 changed everything - even flavor." "Five years ago this woulda tasted like delicious cream of mushroom," says me. "But now it tastes like the ever-present threat of terror." "There is the tangy zest of war and the aftertaste of militant Islam and the hint of paprika!" says Giblets. "I can no longer finish the soup I start," says me. "I stop an ask 'Are you as a soup bringin a relevant new perspective to our post-9/11 world'." "And the answer is no!" says Giblets. "Giblets demands exploding stew and indefinitely detained chowder and bisque that will violate his most fundamental human rights!" "I used to eat a cup a alphabet soup a day," says me. "But now my lunch is fraught with national security implications." "H is for Hijack! I is for Islamism! J is for Jihad!" says Giblets. "The meatballs represent their meaty need to destroy the west," says me. "And all of it floating within the broth of an ummah-wide Islamofascist caliphate!" says Giblets. "Is there any way to bridge the gap between civilization and soup?" says me. "Impossible!" says Giblets. "Soup isn't just wrong, it's on the other side! Every hearty bite we take sends a fifth column of deliciousness to corrupt the guts of freedom!" "That's why it's so important to approve the president's plan for electronic lunch surveillance," says me. "Right now your clam chowder could be a muslim and the government would never know!" "Not enough!" says Giblets. "We need secret military soup prisons and crack teams of NSA wiretappers sealed inside every can of Campbell's chicken noodle!" "But everytime our ideas come up they get squashed by the powerful lobbyists of Big Sanity," says me. "Now there's nothing to stop 9/11 from happening again," says Giblets. "Maybe even once a year," says me.
posted by fafnir at 7:29 PM
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