Monday, January 16, 2006

The current Iranian nuclear crisis poses a complex dilemma with few palatable solutions. Sanctions may be ineffectual in the face of world demand for Iranian oil; airstrikes could very well lead to an escalation of hostilities and even all-out war. There is but one way to unravel this geopolitical gordian knot: to blow it up in a preventative invasion. Kudos then to the Bush administration, which has cannily poised America for victory by bogging its military down in an unending Iraqi quagmire!

The problem with America's invasion of Iraq was that it used too many troops. Coddled by a 130,000-strong invasion force, Iraqis were never motivated to do any nation-building of their own - and thus became the lazy, well-fed occupation queens we know today: living off the dime of the American taxpayer, churlishly forming death squads and insurgencies with their misdirected work ethic. The Medium Lobster has it on good authority that the average limbless Sunni child in Baghdad makes $46,000 a year on U.S. aid alone and drives two Cadillacs on his way to peddle crack to unemployed welfare Imams.

Compare this to an Iran invasion, where the United States would only manage to provide the ragged stump of a stretched and war-weary military. Unpampered by even the flimsiest pretense of marginally-competent regime change, Iranians will be forced to draw on their bootstrapping, entrepreneurial spirit, overthrowing their government and establishing a representative democracy with guaranteed minority rights through sheer rugged individualism. Indeed, in just a few weeks America could topple Iran, stabilize the region, and still have time to liberate Syria with a lightweight attack force consisting of three paratroopers, a Swiss Army knife and a spare editor from The Weekly Standard. Onward, armchair soldiers!
posted by the Medium Lobster at 8:41 PM



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