Friday, January 6, 2006

  • It's been a hectic and confusing day as Giblets has been shocked to discover thousands of dollars of Jack Abramoff's money sitting in Giblets's bank account. How did it get there! Was it left by the fickle flight of the Money Fairy? Did it condense as dew from cash-heavy clouds? Did reverse-thieves from the bizarroverse break into Giblets's house and secretly leave a briefcase of fresh bills in the middle of the night? It's a craaaazy mystery! Rest assured Giblets is disposing of the ill-gotten loot as quickly as possible by donating it to worthy causes like The Giblets Fund, UniGibs, and Worldwide Me.

  • In other news, God has apparently smote Ariel Sharon, and it's about damn time! Pat Robertson called in that hit months ago and Yahweh just got around to it yesterday? You're gettin' slow, old man! And whatever happened to those three Supreme Court justices with "heart conditions"? Previous God-targets have included Jacques Cousteau (if man was meant to swim underseas he would have been born with aqualungs!), Jim Henson (for his blasphemous claim of an evolutionary link between Man and Fraggle), Jesus (hippie), and Pat Robertson's prostate (soft on stem cells). Only six and a half billion to go! In the meantime, if you have a problem, and no one else can help, maybe you can hire God. The deity can be reached at his Montana compound using the power of prayer or ads placed in Soldier of Fortune magazine.

  • George Bush pointed out today that if you oppose cutting taxes, it's the same as raising taxes. By the same token, Giblets thinks you should be giving him money right now - and if you aren't, you're stealing money from him. Well, which one is it, world - giving or stealing? Hey! Stop! Thief! POLIIIIICE!
  • posted by Giblets at 2:48 PM




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