Thursday, November 10, 2005

Here I was thinkin the riots in France were a result of years of prolonged unemployment and discrimination, but it turns out it all happened cause they're all just naturally crazy muslims who hate freedom. Oh no where will they rampage next!

The terrifying truth is that nowhere is safe from muslims gone wild, which is why here at Fafblog we've come up with a handy guide on how to survive an encounter with a terrifying practitioner of the world's second-largest religion.

  • Don't panic! Back away slowly and keep eye contact at all times. Do not startle the muslim by makin any sudden moves or exercisin civil liberties. Remember, muslims and freedom are natural enemies in the wild and hunt each other in ferocious packs and intifadas. If the muslim becomes agitated, calm him down by repressin his fundamental rights. Be careful! When panicked many species of muslim will spontaneously explode to protect their young.

  • Know your muslims! Some muslims can be relatively harmless, like the reclusive blue-crested muslim which only attacks when provoked, or the northern spotted muslim which just imitates the colorful patterns of its more aggressive venomous cousin. But watch out! There are thirty-eight species of man-eating muslim and they are all hungry for freedom, including the saber-toothed pipesian, the hinderical alzabo with its terrible fire-breath, and the fearsome malkinite chimera, which has the head of a lion, the wings of a winged lion, and the body of a much bigger lion eating the first two lions. The only way to defeat it is to trick it into saying its name backwards, which will cause it to vanish in a puff of liberty.

  • Muslimness can be contagious, just like bird flu and zombieism. Keep an eye out for early symptoms such as drowsiness, stuffy nose, headache, fever and a once in a lifetime pilgrimage to the holy city of Mecca. If you notice yourself fasting during Ramadan or donating a fortieth of your savings to the poor find emergency medical care right away! If you are bitten by a muslim it is too late, and you will transform under the light of the next crescent moon.
  • posted by fafnir at 3:28 PM



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