Thursday, November 10, 2005
So I'm sittin there on the porch teachin my English For Pineapples class when the mail shows up. Oh the mail, it is so disappointing. Bill bill bill, junk junk junk, mail bomb tuna dwarf-king. "Come with me m'lad and we will slay the hornèd winter-beast and hollow out a mountain of gold!" he says. I heard it all before, dwarf-king. I deposit him in the recycling bin between the newsprint and the aluminum cans. I also get a letter from the Money Man sayin I have already won a billion dollars.
"That can't be right," says me. "I'da remembered if I won a billion dollars."
"No you wouldn't," says Giblets. "Your memory is useless like the buffalo!"
"That's not fair Giblets," says me in my billion-dollar pile a dollars. "I remember plenty a things, like that time we went to see whosisname and the whatchamathing an that time you tole me I had a great memory on accounta my billion dollars."
"Giblets is not sticking around for this again," says Giblets.
I figure I oughtta do somethin worthwhile with my billion dollars like give it to a good charity like starvin orphans an leper hobos an leave a little somethin extra for myself like a moon made a gold. On the way I run into Taco Man Stan's Taco Man Stand an I decide to get some lunch.
"That's a neat taco," says me.
"It's the billion-dollar taco," says Taco Man Stan.
"How much is it?" says me.
"A billion dollars," says Taco Man Stan.
"Sold!" says me. It's a pretty good taco, but I dunno if it's a billion-dollar taco. I also get a Mr. Pib to wash it down which costs an extra seventy-five cents. Taco Man Stan says I'm his one billionth customer which means I win a billion dollars. Congratulations, me!
The next day I'm on the porch readin the mail again. Bill bill junk, junk junk thunder god. "Come, take up thy mace and shield and we shalt slay the frost giant Hremnar and free the peoples of the north!" he says. I stick him in the garage for yard sale storage. I also get a letter from the Money Man sayin I have already won a billion dollars.
"I don't remember that," says me.
"You are hopeless," says Giblets.
"Well, I oughtta do somethin with this billion dollars," says me. "But first, who wants a taco!"
Labels: true adventures
posted by fafnir at 5:52 PM