Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Q. Is the new plan an exit plan?
A. The president doesn't believe in exit plans! Exit plans are for presidents who're lookin for an exit. Our president's got a Victory Plan cause he's always lookin for victory.
Q. The president doesn't believe in plain ol exits. When he's stuck in a building an the building's on fire he doesn't say "where's the emergency exit?" He says "where's the emergency victory!"
A. The emergency victory is located on either side of the main hallway under the flashing blue lights. Break glass for triumph over Islamism!
Q. Sometimes all the constant victory gets to be a little much for him. He just wants to pick up a pizza and he's gotta wrestle an alligator on the way there. He wants to go to the movies and he's gotta sink a pirate ship first.
A. He can't leave the house without defeating at least three robots and a ninja. It is exhausting.
Q. Does the new plan stay the course? I'm a big fan of the course.
A. Yes absolutely! If you liked what the course had to offer you're definitely gonna like the strong elements of coursiness in the new plan.
Q. I dunno... it IS a new plan. Are you sure we haven't switched to another course somewhere? Did we even wobble a little?
A. This course is the same course as the previous course but is now served on a bed of fresh leafy green victory along with a side of pasta salad and your choice of vegetable.
Q. Mmmm, sounds delicious! How come the old plan didn't have this much victory in it?
A. It did! We just didn't tell you about it. This is newly declassified top secret victory.
Q. Does that mean the new plan is really the old plan?
A. Every day is a new day for the plan! Today is the first day of the rest of the plan's life.
A. In the new plan, the Iraqi security forces will be better trained than ever before.
Q. I heard the Iraqi security forces are turnin into death squads.
A. Well can't they be well-trained AND death squads? You gotta have pretty good trainin to be a good death squad.
Q. Well I guess that's true.
A. I mean let's not shortchange the death squads here. It's hard work bein a death squad.
Q. Well, are they bona fide agents of an accountable government who operate within the boundaries of the law, or are they more like sectarian thugs who carry out extrajudicial back alley executions under the cover of darkness?
A. Why can't they be both, like one a those pictures of two faces that looks like a vase?
Q. Or a car that turns into a robot!
A. See, there you go! Death squads: democracy in disguise.
Q. We know the victory plan's gonna get us some victory.
Q. Question: how MUCH victory?
A. COMPLETE victory.
A. I know!
Q. I wasn't expectin that much victory!
A. Iraq will be peaceful united stable democratic an secure an Iraqis'll have the institutions and resources they need to govern themselves justly and provide security for their country an Tiny Tim's gonna walk again an Jalal Talabani's gonna save Christmas and you will believe an ayatollah can fly!
Q. That's not bad for a country on the brink of civil war!
A. All we need to do now is win... with the power of winning!
Q. Now that's a plan!
posted by fafnir at 12:40 PM